We had just been informed that my wife's pregnancy had come to an end, in the form of a miscarriage, an hour or so before. One fact had escaped us when we received this news -- that my wife would have to go about her life over the next few days with our miscarried child still inside her, because our doctor only performed the D&Cs on Wednesday afternoons.
I've always wondered how our family portrait would ever be complete. How do I honor my three without my three here on earth? And then some photos from a few photographers starting showing up on my social media, a result of how much coverage Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month is getting this year.
Few situations highlight our inability to fix and make better more starkly than the loss of a baby. Medical professionals treating a family affected by miscarriage or stillbirth are faced not only with the inability to fix or heal the baby who has died, but also uncertainty about how to respond to the grieving parents.
I know that my self-esteem decline interferes with me and my husband's intimacy. I know I don't feel attractive and that's why I'm not attracted. So I will continue to pray that I rediscover myself, that I rediscover my femininity, and that I gain the motivation to make myself feel and look beautiful again.
Sweet friend. have to tell you. You're doing an incredible job. I know it doesn't feel like it. I know you feel like you can barely function and I know you think that you are failing at life, but listen. You're still standing. You're still breathing, and from someone who knows the pain, I know how hard even that is to do some days.
Pregnancy after loss can be an extremely complicated path. It combines hope with fear. It is natural that women who find themselves pregnant after a loss often struggle to make sense of a universe of nuanced emotion. For those who surround the woman, it is sometimes difficult to know how one can be most helpful.
I survived infertility (quite well in fact) but as with many life crises my healing wasn't complete. I still feel sadness at times when I hear stories of couples getting pregnant as planned, and enjoying traditional family life. And sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like, had I not experienced infertility.
To Sam and Nia, I send my heartfelt condolences. I thank you for sharing your journey with the world and for allowing the world to grieve with you. While we join them in mourning the loss of the child they'd only just started to celebrate, I think there are many things we can take away from their very public experience.