Sources close to the presidential candidate claim that Trump's problem with CNN and FOX is that "they're morons." In an effort to be represented in the most honest and fair light, it is reported that Trump has just bought his own network: Trump That Media.
When asked how things were left with the Prime Minister after the night in question the Pig told us: "Me and big D stayed friends for a while, but we just drifted apart. It's sad, but, well, I guess it happens."
Do I, a Mexican man, find his comments about getting rid of the immigrants already in this country horribly offensive and racist? Yes. But if it means he'll deport the stupid idiots I'm related to, I'm on board, baby.
"I don't know, maybe I could puke out a rainbow or something?" The room sat silent. Following her representatives stating that they will have a new dedication to make Hillary Clinton "more spontaneous," the presidential hopeful's media team saw the newest Snapchat update as an opportunity.
Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders, with his perpetually ahead-of-the-mainstream views, finds himself treated like old Ben Kenobi in the beginning of A New Hope, a crazy old wizard with no real shot. Now, though, it seems like maybe the tide is turning.
CLERK: Here are your forms. Congratulations, you are now husband and wife. Now which one of you do I strangle? MAN: Excuse me, what did you say? CLERK: Which one of you do I strangle?
The sad irony is that Trump is the exact opposite of what America wants/needs him to be. He is not a straight talker; he is telling us simple things that some want to be true. He is not an anti-establishment outsider; he panders more than any politician.
It was all a cover: The reality TV show. The bimbos and bankruptcies. The bad comb over. It was all designed to distract from the truth: that Donald Trump, playboy billionaire, is in fact the masked vigilante known as Batman!
Everything indicated that the American divorce rate would drop after the invention of Folgers Crystals. Research indicates, however, that in the early 1960s, when these commercials were introduced, divorce was at its lowest rate of the decade. Over the next ten years, the divorce rate doubled. Maybe the right coffee would have cooled down Donald Trump.
Chinese-style "manipulation" is clearly a disaster. While it has generated 35 years of stunning economic growth, it has also forced rich people around the world to endure a week-long, anxiety-provoking drop in stock prices!
With so many interviews, press conferences, tweets, Instagrams and Facebooks, it's hard to keep track of where presidential candidate Donald Trump stands on the issues. And even if you could keep track, a lot of what he says doesn't quite make sense.
And does it really matter in the end? History -- particularly autobiography, where a lot of history comes from -- is often described by scholars as nothing more than distorted facts that are filtered through frail human memory to give meaning to the past. So maybe there is no "truth."
Many say the right wing has an inferior sense of humor, and I guess it's only logical that the political right are not up for a laugh. After all, their politicians are the first to slash arts from the budget.
Fox News, the official network of the GOP, has announced the names of nine of the candidates in the debate. The tenth will either be Ohio Gov. John Kasich or former Texas Gov. Rick Perry. What is it going to be, Fox, beets or liverwurst?
So Vladimir Putin checks in at the Ukraine. A guard asks his name and he gives it. Then Putin is asked "occupation?" No Putin says, "just a visit." The Capitol Steps have tons of jokes like this - some vocally and most sung beautifully in well known tunes.