Hello, Mr. President! Welcome to the wonderful world of Twitter! A lot has changed in the tweeting world since you stepped into office. Now we can have banners atop our profiles that no one ever sees.
Watching the news these days is like watching a long-running soap opera. You can tune out for years, check back and discover that your favorite character is still dying or still having that baby.
It's not just Gail Collins of the New York Times who's noticed that Jeb Bush is making a mess on the campaign trail or whatever trail he's on. That's despite the fact he's always been considered competent (compared to his brother, of course).
We Americans would have undoubtedly chosen Jolene, Mary Lou or Tammy Fay. Thus, we consider the names that you have picked to be nuclear options and reflective of the growing proliferation in your country of names that are too British-sounding, to say the least.
Greetings, hapless humans! I am Ultron! And I am running for President of the United States.
Boehner revealed that he had consulted a number of Constitutional scholars and is convinced that he is on solid legal ground in issuing his "Stop Hillary" veto.
When questioned about Ted Cruz's chances of reaching the White House, Hope said: "In the case of Cruz, cats, dogs, rabbits, hamsters, fish AND pigs will fly".
The AMA today distanced itself from Republican hopeful Rand Paul, offering its support to "anyone else interested in running for president." The nation's largest association of physicians collectively banged their heads against the wall and sighed.
"This is no laughing matter, Scully! At this very moment, Christians are being rounded up, sent to re-education camps, and forced to participate in rainbow unicorn-themed gay marriage ceremonies."
Regular inspections will be held by the UN and teams from all nine signatories. Leaders of these nations will be coming to the White House for a mammoth State Dinner. The Dow Jones Hits 20,000.
A new law would make it illegal for Indianans to be Knob Heads in any way, shape or form. And it would also give individuals and businesses the right to refuse to serve anyone acting or indeed sounding like a total Knob Head.
There are currently no female flavors of Ben & Jerry's ice cream (even Tina Fey would agree that, while "Greek frozen yogurt" is certainly a healthy ice cream alternative, it is not the same as ice cream).
The University of North Georgia says it was an "isolated case of poor judgment." Well, maybe they honestly think that it was -- or suddenly realized they should stop letting partially blind Uncle Bubba pick out the catalog pictures.
Frankly, the sun has had it too good for too long -- thanks in large part to corrupt scientists and beachgoers and plants, all pushing their radical pro-sun agenda. But that doesn't change the facts at hand.
Why all the conservative fuss? While we admit that it's been a long time since we've taken any tests other than a breathalyzer, we took one of the "sample" AP tests online to see for ourselves. Liberal bias? Really?
Islamic State, the fundamentalist organization currently controlling large swathes of Iraq and Syria today unveiled its new weapon in the fight agains...