Greetings, hapless humans! I am Ultron! And I am running for President of the United States.
Boehner revealed that he had consulted a number of Constitutional scholars and is convinced that he is on solid legal ground in issuing his "Stop Hillary" veto.
When questioned about Ted Cruz's chances of reaching the White House, Hope said: "In the case of Cruz, cats, dogs, rabbits, hamsters, fish AND pigs will fly".
The AMA today distanced itself from Republican hopeful Rand Paul, offering its support to "anyone else interested in running for president." The nation's largest association of physicians collectively banged their heads against the wall and sighed.
"This is no laughing matter, Scully! At this very moment, Christians are being rounded up, sent to re-education camps, and forced to participate in rainbow unicorn-themed gay marriage ceremonies."
Regular inspections will be held by the UN and teams from all nine signatories. Leaders of these nations will be coming to the White House for a mammoth State Dinner. The Dow Jones Hits 20,000.
A new law would make it illegal for Indianans to be Knob Heads in any way, shape or form. And it would also give individuals and businesses the right to refuse to serve anyone acting or indeed sounding like a total Knob Head.
There are currently no female flavors of Ben & Jerry's ice cream (even Tina Fey would agree that, while "Greek frozen yogurt" is certainly a healthy ice cream alternative, it is not the same as ice cream).
The University of North Georgia says it was an "isolated case of poor judgment." Well, maybe they honestly think that it was -- or suddenly realized they should stop letting partially blind Uncle Bubba pick out the catalog pictures.
Frankly, the sun has had it too good for too long -- thanks in large part to corrupt scientists and beachgoers and plants, all pushing their radical pro-sun agenda. But that doesn't change the facts at hand.
Why all the conservative fuss? While we admit that it's been a long time since we've taken any tests other than a breathalyzer, we took one of the "sample" AP tests online to see for ourselves. Liberal bias? Really?
Islamic State, the fundamentalist organization currently controlling large swathes of Iraq and Syria today unveiled its new weapon in the fight agains...
If you believe in America, then there really is no excuse for not spending $900 million and joining the great American experiment that is our democracy. You see, $900 million may sound like a lot of money. But according to the Supreme Court, it's not. It's a lot of speech. The Koch Brothers understand this.
The ability to deliver a sharp comeback that leaves a rival red-faced and speechless can be a strong political weapon. And perhaps no politician in his generation has used wit as effectively as Obama.
In a historic early-morning ceremony in the Yellow Oval Room, attended only by Michelle Obama and pajama-clad White House dog Bo, and recorded for pos...
You know you've done something particularly stupid when you spawn a new hashtag, and that's exactly what happened when self-proclaimed terrorism expert Steve Emerson appeared on Fox News.