Potty training your baby means that you're in direct competition with your sister-in-law, your neighbor and moms on sitcoms. And your mother, 30 years ago. (Spoiler alert: You lose.)
Left to his own devices, my toddler would gladly flush everything from his rubber duckies to his sister's toothbrush down the toilet.
You deserve an award for not evicting what is surely the world's worst houseguest. Acknowledge that, and instead of beating yourself up for feeling the way anybody would feel if a fellow human had just literally sh*t all over them, pat yourself on the back.
Just because you luxuriated in your potty training genius with one kid doesn't mean the next kid will be an equal boost to your ego.
People often ask me what it's like having four kids. After I finish my third cup of very strong coffee, I put the cup down gravely, usually stare off into space from fatigue for a few moments, and then answer thusly, "I pick my own battles."
If your resolution was to be a little more zen about the whole parenting thing this year, we think these stories will give you a good boost of morale to keep going and remember that you're an awesome parent!
Six years ago unbeknownst, hell unplanned by me I'd just gotten knocked up with T. Of all the thousands of lessons I've learned from parenting in the last six years, perhaps the weirdest has been sometimes it is a relief to find out that another kid puked a little in your kid's hair.
These are the milestones no one talks about, but everyone would certainly notice if your child never reached one, or all, of these before leaving for college!
What if your CAPS LOCK button quits? That would give you a tick and a stutter. And if I were to take away your exclamation point -- how might you unleash your venom?
Believe us when we tell you that there are many other parents out there with kids waaaay more f'ed up than yours. Want proof? Here are 17 anonymous submissions from parents who gladly wrote down "The Most F-Ed Up Thing My Kid Has Done."
Naps would be banned and only free-sleep (the act of naturally falling asleep, such as comfortably in a car seat or face down in a cereal bowl) would be permissible, though still frowned upon.
I used to get so annoyed when outdoor toys found their way indoors: sand buckets and pool noodles, hula hoops and soccer balls, the tricycle, the scooter. Now, I just take three deep breaths and look away.
I was tired of being ordered to change diapers, and figured that if the kid could ask for a diaper change, he could figure out how to use the potty.
Potty training. Two words that strike fear into the heart of every parent. When my daughter was approaching 3 and still not even remotely interested in toilets or potties, we decided it was time to start.
Day 85 million: The entire house reeks of urine. I believe I will have to send this child to college wearing pull-ups. His thighs should be big enough by then.
At "press time," Gemma is almost 5 years old. I'm writing you this letter because, while I love my daughter with all my heart, and I'm trying really hard to be a great mom, I'm pretty sure I'm doing most things wrong.