It is rumored that the British were forced to make this sudden decision when the Scots threatened to invade England wearing nothing but kilts -- and more disturbingly -- no underwear.
An apology to loyal readers of this blog and to those who arrived here because they will read anything with the word 'sex' or 'lubrication' in it. The following is not a boomer version of the Kama Sutra. Reading this will not allow you to cavort between the sheets as though it were 1976 and you were made of rubber.
As we suffer through another insufferable campaign season of attack ads and mindless chatter, let's remember some of the best political putdowns in U.S. history.
What is the longest word? What is the shortest word? We have the answers to these questions as well as life's other burning questions.
I slowly dialed the FBI field office in Chicago and listened to the numerous voice prompts. Not sure what to press, I eventually chose '3' since I am a media representative. A female agent answered. "Who would I speak to if, uh, compromising material was stolen from my phone?" I asked.
Now that American icon Burger King has agreed to merge with Canadian coffee chain Tim Hortons in a blatant "screw you" to the U.S. Treasury, the trend of moving abroad to save on taxes seems to be catching on. The latest party to take advantage of this is infamous terror group ISIS.
As you have announced that your "trust remains in the Lord," I feel it is my duty as The Holy Father, to give you, The Holy F Up, some guidance as you seek to atone for said un-saintly sins.
One of my coworkers came to me the other day and said something about how they were feeling or something, I can't remember exactly what. The point is, listening to your coworkers is hard.
I glared fiercely into each one of their eyes so they would remember the steely blue glint of my gaze before they reaped the whirlwind.
Technology that promised to connect us has instead isolated us, driving us from diversity to safe, homogenized forums and Facebook fan pages.
Legendary football coach Vince Lombardi once uttered the phrase, "The best defense is a good offense." I plan to turn those words into action the next time I fly coach class.
In the new editions, Little Red Riding Hood has an Uzi and blows the head off the wolf. Snow White aims her Uzi at the dwarves and gives them 30 minutes to vacate the premises. Goldilocks offs the three bears and then goes back to sleep.
By many standards, this month was a win for feminism. Thanks to Beyoncé, feminism was center stage, quite literally, in the media. Alas, not everyone was as down with the f-word as Ms. Carter this month. For our sake, they provide us with a great basis of how not to do feminism.
A sound was heard behind the Stop & Shop at 12:30 a.m. The store manager called 911 believing it was ISIS rebels. Police arrived at scene in a military Humvee. It was just a homeless man who had gotten into some garbage.
Said one expert, "While it's true that freezing cold water can be an effective motivational tool, there's nothing quite like the threat of second-degree burns to pry open the old wallet."
It is time to admit that this generation has inherited a lot of real challenges and that, by and large, they have met those challenges with resilience and social commitment.