Train people, rejoice. I've realized I'm far too cynical and set in my ways to join your ranks. I'm returning to my eye surgeon in a few days, eagerly anticipating hearing those four magical words: "You can fly again."
Here at Down East, we are not content simply to take credit for existing fashion trends. No sir, we are trendsetters. And so we give you the "lobstersexual," the next made-in-Maine men's style phenomenon.
Inside sources report Greek Finance Minister Yanis Varoufakis resorted to hostile threats last month as bailout negotiations with the country's creditors faltered.
Frankly, the sun has had it too good for too long -- thanks in large part to corrupt scientists and beachgoers and plants, all pushing their radical pro-sun agenda. But that doesn't change the facts at hand.
Rumors began circulating that the same person who posted the original photo of The Dress was about to unleash a photo of a Pair of Shoes on Tumblr. Therapists' phones began ringing off the hook.
While NBC suspended their anchor Brian Williams for six months for stories that were inconsistent though at least based on truth, Bill O'Reilly has continued to stay on the air at "Fox News."
I realize it's improper to ask, but may I inquire, dear reader, as to how old you are? I only pry because I want to let you know -- for your own good! -- if you are dateable or not.
Everywhere we went, I found myself inadvertently gathering data on aging and ill temper. After a week of solid fact finding, including a watershed experience in the lounge of a packed Outback steakhouse, I am now prepared to share my findings, including causes and potential cures.
Terrorist ideology can't be "killed" like a person. It must be diluted and weakened through means other than physical force. Before an ISIS terrorist kills innocent human beings, he's brainwashed into doing so by extremist propaganda.
What would make you renounce your homosexuality? An all-expenses-paid Caribbean cruise? A sleek new Jaguar? A million dollars? For one gay Chicago baseball fan, it was tickets to a Cubs game.
Welcome to Indiana--The Crossroads of America! We reserve the right to refuse service to: Christians, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, African-Ameri...
Why all the conservative fuss? While we admit that it's been a long time since we've taken any tests other than a breathalyzer, we took one of the "sample" AP tests online to see for ourselves. Liberal bias? Really?
Watch the first episode of The Final Edition's new Jihadistan-based sitcom, "Secret Diaries of a Terrorist."
Bathe your child in paraben-free, SLS-free, soap-free liquid cleanser-like substance. Not too hot. Or cold. The water should be a little like baby bear's porridge.
If you are condemning other parents for not being as excited as you are to have a fun-filled day off of school, please stop. Unless you have walked the proverbial mile in someone else's shoes, you have no idea
When Dan told me he didn't plan on taking my last name, I felt like less of a woman.