If you have not been able to reach the goals you had in mind or been stuck in an exhausting cycle of improvement/relapse, maybe it is time to give the weapon of self-discipline a rest. Does that mean you will have to give up your goals? Not necessarily. But it does mean that you need to look at these goals in the bigger context of your life and dig deeper at your own motivations.
Knowing who you are also means being aware of your feelings. We need to recognize and be willing to share our emotions if we want a truly intimate relationship. Sharing feelings makes us vulnerable, which can feel risky, especially if we grew up in family that discouraged expressing them or labeled some feelings as right or wrong.