I hate X Factor. I make no secret of it. It infuriates, upsets and troubles me. It's like a manipulative ex who the rest of the family love but whom was actually inherently mad, bad and dangerous to know.
Britney and her manager were conspiring to mess with one of the assistants by sending him on a wild goose chase for a straw hat and a tiara, while Simon decided to arrive on an electric scooter with a police escort. Just another "X Factor" audition show ...
We kicked off episode 3 in Kansas City, where the big news in the arena was that poor, delicate Simon Cowell was feeling under the weather and was skipping the auditions, presumably to roll around on a bed covered in $100 bills.
Luckily, since the new season of "Glee" premiered immediately after, there was only enough time for an hour of mortifying attempts at singing from those deserving of restraining orders, which marks the first occasion I'll ever feel grateful for "Glee."
"The X Factor" got off to a strong start, with plenty of tearjerking moments and a few stand-out artists in the bunch. We've whittled down a list of the most memorable moments from the night's good, bad and ugly.