I look back on the last four years and I am amazed at all I have accomplished. Not because they were impossible feats, but because they were life events I never felt worth enough of achieving. Marriage. Motherhood. Business Success. A healthy relationship with my family. A badass relationship with myself.
I went through two of these major disasters in a row; jumping into the second one to numb the pain of the first. When the dust settled on the second crash, I barely recognized myself. Before I could even consider trusting another person, I had to rebuild my belief in my own judgement. It's still a daily practice, trusting that I can and will choose wisely.
Here I am, at yet another open door in my life, lingering at the threshold again. But this time around, I know better. I know that when life moves, it does so for me. Like an invisible hand, a guiding force greater than myself, and a loving one, at that. One that wants every single one of us to live in joy.
I feel quite lucky to have slipped down the stairs, in my last act. I may not have had the story redevelop as it has, with out that break. The fall encouraged my awareness that the show must go on, with a proper script. We get to write, produce, direct and perform on this stage, this life, we have been cast for.
Who wants to be alone? My dad's words made no sense to me at the time. The idea of walking into a restaurant and saying to the hostess "Just one, please" is daunting, terrifying, and depressing. Movies alone. Shopping alone. Entire weekends alone. It all just sounds and feels terrible. Bleak. Until it doesn't.
Persisting means to grow up in a very long path, which is made of so many attempts, big mistakes and little successes. It means constantly training to achieve perfection without having to be perfect in everyday life. It means reaching a productive harmony rather than an unsustainable, counterproductive perfection.