I'm a stepmom and proud of it. But, I truly believe there's nothing blended about marrying someone who brings kids to the marriage while you also bring kids to the marriage. Or, later the two of you add a kid to the mix, which is what I can speak to. Stirred, mixed, grouped together, cobbled, mingled, but not blended.
Mom is a title that women hold closely, and I understand that. Mom is your title and yours alone. I didn't plan on being a stepmom, nor did I pick the title. It is not something that I worked for, yet it is something that I am working on. I'm here to love and care for my stepdaughter as best I can and put her needs and wants first. Being a stepmom is a separate relationship from being mom, and one does not threaten or replace the other.
I read a lot about stepmother struggles -- about how they wish they were treated, want to be treated, think they should be treated -- by their stepkids. And I get it. I've had one, practically am one and know a lot. Most stepmothers deserve respect, kindness, acknowledgement and even some appreciation. It's not easy being a stepmom. But, it's not easy being a step kid, either.
I feel that the celebration of stepmotherhood in our cultures should start with us the stepmoms. I also think that it is great to celebrate on Mother's Day -- not because we are trying to steal the day away from the biological mothers, but because of the connection we have to those that share their children with us.
I never wanted you here. You simply were never part of the plan. Growing up and dreaming of my family I never included you. I didn't want help from another woman to raise my child. But then you arrived. Dang your kind smile! I was planing on really hating you. I wanted to resent you but you made it impossible.