We always get a little case of the post-Bachelor/ette blues when a season comes to an end. Over the course of three months, we've learned so much about love and lust, what to do, what not to do, who to do, who not to do...
We open with Chris Harrison and a live studio audience watching The Bachelorette on TV, which is so meta. On the show within a show, we see that both Nick and Shawn want to spend the rest of their lives with Kaitlyn.
We open with Chris Harrison saying that Kaitlyn is the most serious Bachelorette of any of them, because she sleeps with more guys than any of her predecessors. Then there is a preview of Bachelor Pad, which is basically group sex.
Hello fans, and I am referring specifically to the one reader who emailed me asking where my recap was yesterday (thanks for validating me writing these things, "anonymous"). The rest of you, fine, you can read it too. Hi Mom.
In the world of "The Bachelorette," euphemisms for sex are a dime a dozen -- contestants talk about "really being together" and "being alone" and being able to "focus on each other," when what they really mean is, having sex like bunnies once the cameras are turned off.
1. Get your hands out of your face. When you're talking about your romantic feelings to the object of your affection, don't constantly touch your face and cover your mouth and slur -- it makes it seem like you're hiding something... like you're a liar and this is your tell (Nick).
Certainly the witnessing of other people making every kind of fool of themselves has never been more on display than in our love affair with reality television. Which must explain the inexplicable clusterf**k that is The Bachelorette.
Cheating on your wife won't just mess up your marriage -- it could seriously impact your future relationships, too. Because at some point, your new girlfriend is going to ask, "So, er, hey, what happened with your marriage?"
We open with Ian continuing his narcissistic monologue from last time. He is really a piece of work. He tells Kaitlyn she's all surface. So is his receding hairline. He attacks Kaitlyn for wanting a funny guy and not a balding narcissist.