I saw her mind racing. We were around the same age. She took in my long, dark hair, my mostly wrinkle-free face, my skinny jeans... It's not that I look so young, but I don't "look like" a widow. She covered her heart with her hands, I saw her struggle to come up with the "right thing" to say. "Yours is worse!" she uttered. If grief is a contest, I guess I win.
Many people have not lost someone close. They want to help and take the pain away, but they haven't experienced grief and often say what makes those who are grieving feel worse. These are some of the phrases I heard after my wife died. If you're inclined to say them to someone who is grieving, do this instead -- ask how the person is doing, and listen.