Mother Teresa's Doubts

Mother Teresa had doubts. She, like so many people, had serious misgivings about the certainty of the existence of god. She felt lonely and sad because she could not feel his presence. Yet she carried on in her work and continued to hope that some day she would deeply feel the faith she professed to have.

As an atheist, I feel somewhat satisfied but this admission (even as I admit that she never wanted such facts about her private life made public). I am pleased that a big-name religious icon -- a person who will more than likely become a saint -- had doubts. It is not a mean kind of satisfaction; I am not gleeful at the pain or unhappiness expressed in the letters, I do not feel smug, or even vindicated for my non-belief. But I do feel that her doubts make my non-belief a little more comprehensible to the "true believers." If Mother Teresa had doubts, then my doubts might be okay, too.

I think that doubt is part of life. I find it to be a healthy, mind-expanding trait in me and in many other people I know. "I'm not sure." "I don't know." "Hmmm...let me think about it." These are utterances you hear from me all the time. Doubt is woven into my daily life. I doubt the small things, like whether or not the Yankees will make it into the post-season, and I doubt the big stuff, like the existence of a supreme being and the idea of an afterlife.

Let me be clear, I doubt the existence of god but I do not know that there is no god. I understand that there are non-believers out there who are certain of god's non-existence, but I prefer to stay in the Richard Dawkins camp on this one. He says that he is "almost certain that there is no god." That means that there is a sliver of doubt. And that tiny wedge of doubt keeps me from being arrogant. Because that tiny possibility means that I do not pretend to know it all. Knowing makes people too certain, and that certainty makes people arrogant and ultimately insufferable -- especially in a discussion about religion (or lack thereof).

Anne Lamott has a quote which has become one of my favorites. She says, "The opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty." Mother Teresa proves this point in a lovely and very human way. In having her letters published there has been something new to see about her and about the notion of faith. She has become very human. The work she did, even as she doubted even as she feared that there was no ultimate reward, no invisible friend to guide her through life, showed that she was a humanist at heart. She helped people for the sake of helping. Not for convictions that were ironclad and unexamined.

The notion of faith is more and more narrowly defined, and the "true believers" think that they own the word. But they don't. And as an atheist I resent being told I am a person of no faith. I have lots of faith, even as I have doubts. I doubt the Yankees will make it, but I have faith that they will get the pitching staff in shape and will get to the playoffs. It isn't really a contradiction, it is just two sides of the same coin. I have faith in humanity, in gravity, in medicine and in many other things. I just don't have faith in the big guy in the sky.

I thank Mother Teresa for the example she gives me, not only as a humanitarian but as a human. And I hope that the people who think that they know for sure that there is a god can allow for some doubt. Even a wisp of doubt will erase the arrogance and ultimately allow for more faith in more things. This will especially help if we are going to start to bridge the gap between "them" and "us" which will only happen if we can sit down and have a conversation.

Admitting we aren't sure what we know is the beginning of the conversation. Being certain only ends it. If Mother Teresa teaches us anything in her posthumous writing, I think it is to reveal our own insecurities, not act like we have all the answers and let down our guard so we can start to talk.

Comments

[Dap]

"If lighting is the anger of the Gods; the Gods are mostly concerned with trees"- Tao Tse

))))))))))))))) Sapere aude ((((((((((((((((((

[rwilliams1961]

I became a conservative Christian when I was 16. I remained so till I was 25, when I became a freshman in college. My freshman year, I met some of the most sincere people I had ever met. They were good, honest, caring, and without faith. They were who I had sought for years to become " yet they had no faith. It shook me. Who was I to preach the perfection of my religion when the fruits of that faith were more evident in non-believers than myself? I eventually found myself in a side room of the university architecture department praying: "God, I"m leaving. I have to see what"s out there. If you"re there, hold on to me. If you"re not, then it doesn"t matter anyway."

Around the time of graduation, I began going out into the country late at night to try and figure out where those years had taken me. Was my previous faith still relevant? In time, I came to realize I believed the core of my former faith: death, burial, resurrection. But little else. Most of my previous beliefs were discarded completely or open for debate.

Doubt, I believe, drives faith. The humility it creates is an engine for growth. To question is, as many Old Testament stories reveal, the pathway to God. Even Jesus doubted. To be human is to doubt. To doubt is to learn.

Doubting the faith I was so sure about may have been the most important catalyst in my life to date. It made me a better man, and gave me a more meaningful faith.

Doubt is the key, I believe, that has the potential to unlock the most profound doors. Thank you for pointing this out in your post.

[Daniel66]

Doubts about her faith and even the existence of God make Mother Teresa's spirituality more accesible and her personality more humane.

She is now a role model for our doubting contemporary society whether she is ever formally canonized or not.

[OtayPanky]

Nica Lalli: But I do feel that her doubts make my non-belief a little more comprehensible to the "true believers."

===

Why worry about whether your perspectives are comprehensible or incomprehensible to anyone?

===

Nica Lalli: If Mother Teresa had doubts, then my doubts might be okay, too.

===

So if she hadn't had doubts, yours wouldn't be okay?

I prefer to believe (or disbelieve) whatever I choose - and I couldn't care less what anyone else things about my thoughts...or me.

Anything less is co-dependency, really.

[Zanti]

I think she's attempting to put her thoughts in perspective. Comparing and contrasting our views with those of others in our species is part of the grand and noble process calling thinking.

[OtayPanky]

Right you are, Zanti.

And my bit of dialogue is an attempt to get her (or anyone really) to think about their thinking in a way that leaves us less emotionally dependent upon what OTHERS think than we might be otherwise.

Mother Teresa's private anguish proves nothing - and means nothing - to anybody but her, really.

But plenty of people with their own axe to grind - whether zealous athiests like Christopher Hitchens or zealous Catholics like the Pope would invoker to prove their point and try to convince others of their views.

And - my point is their citations, arguements and rhetoric prove absolutely NOTHING either way.

That's why the blogger's post was so useful for deconstruction. Her point of view is hers alone - and is neither more nor less valid because of some unusual diaries of a now dead nun.

MY NAME IS OTAYPANKY - AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE.

[Desiderata]

Who was he or she who said, "If God doesn't exist, then we would have to invent Him."?

[Dap]

Exactly, so we did invent many Gods, what's your flavor?

[Dap]

Square peg... Round hole?

Not to worry, God/Gods are quite malleable.

[snaggster]

Really, working with poor people was a good thing. Can't fault her on that. Doubting one's faith is okay with me, too. But, like you said, she didn't want anyone to know that she didn't believe. She just kept on selling it. I'm not a fan.

[Zanti]

"I just don't have faith in the big guy in the sky."

Religion doesn't come down to whether or not there's a big guy in the sky (or a series of big guys, or small guys, or no guys at all), except, apparently, on a popular level. What we have going on in our popular culture right now is not a debate about religion but, instead, about whether or not God (as defined by Hollywood) exists in the literal and physical sense. dawkins, who views the Bible as a failed science text, regards its "claims" as nonsense. Equally literal-minded folks like Pat Robertson see the Bible's "claims" as beyond debate. One side says God is so, the other side says God isn"t so.

If that constitutes theological debate in our culture, then "American Idol" has done its job.

And I'd love to see a genuine debate about religion happen sometime in our society. Imagine exchanges taking place on a level beyond the stupidity of, Do angels exist?/Does God have a long or short beard?/Do miracles really happen?/Can statues bleed? and so on. But I have little faith we"ll ever get there.

Reducing spirituality to a sound byte sells lots of books, and it renders believing (or not believing) a simple matter of "I do" or "I don't." But it serves no honest or productive purpose.

[JimReed]

"Reducing spirituality to a sound byte sells lots of books, and it renders believing (or not believing) a simple matter of "I do" or "I don't." "

Religion is not an individual matter as much as it is a groupthink thing. There is power in the group, whether it is as a voting block, or a force to influence society as a whole, or a mechanism to pyramid money. When you look at one person you see an illusion. When you can see the group, you see reality.

[Zanti]

"Religion is not an individual matter as much as it is a groupthink thing."

I know, I know. This is the going progressive cliche about religion.

And my point is that we need to move beyond such cliches, especially one as old as the mind control metaphor, which doesn't become more endearing with repetition.

[RAMHaiti]

Faith is relative.
Jesus, said to Peter "Oh ye of little faith".
If Mother Theresa didn't have Faith she wouldn't have devoted her time and energies the way she did. Her doubt is insignificant compared to the doubt of some one who is playing baseball or buying and selling stocks. Don't fool yourself by Mother Theresa's doubt. Sounds like you're searching for justification of your doubt. Don't. Do the opposite. Search for justification of your Faith.

[oldschooldemocrat]

I didn't know the woman, and I want to stipulate that any comment we make about a stranger is never going to stand up in court, but she clung to a orthodox faith not in spite of her doubt but because of it. How can you possibly admire a woman who rejected every other woman's right to control her own destiny.
This woman was anti-divorce, anti-choice, and endlessly scolded other women for seeking to live autonomous lives. Did she ever advocate birth control for the poor whom she was supposed to be so merciful to? No, she may have held the hands of the dying, but she did nothing to promote their welfare in this world.
She chose to cling to a rigid, dying creed because to do otherwise would have left her with nothing.

[Thorn]

The description you offer of your doubt makes you, by definition, an agnostic, no? Atheists are absolute in their lack of faith.

[Dap]

Dear Ms. Lalli,

Eloquently expressed, one thing I strongly disagree with you on, is that absolutes are wrong, there are in fact absolutes, whether you like the tone of it or not. As is the case with the God of Abraham and all those Gods that came before him, indeed.

That being said, Excellent essay/post. Agape. (Love in fellowship of our shared fragile Humanity.)

[Merlin7]

Very few of us would believe in a god if it weren't drilled into us at an early age. It's absurd. That's why churches and madrassas like to get hold of their victims early in life. All the better to mold those little minds.

The need to believe in a god -- or fanatically believe in any totem or cause -- is a form of mental illness, and should be treated as such. Children should be protected from religious indoctrination by law, and governments should discourage the practice of religion and other superstitions. Institutions should not be allowed to teach that legends, myths and fairytales are facts. Words have power and can kill. Just ask Osama Bin Laden, who will answer you with a quotation from the Koran.

[Zanti]

Other than that, what's wrong with religion?

[JimReed]

I think Mother Teresa understood that when it comes to life, faith doesn't matter because you can't let that influence what you do. You live your life the right way because that is your choice. If faith becomes your guide, you are being guided by people and institutions that define that faith. The religion becomes your god, and that is idolatry. Mother Teresa had doubts, and those doubts bothered her, but she didn't let them influence her.