THE BLOG
10/25/2012 02:20 pm ET | Updated Dec 25, 2012

New Republican 8-Point Platform to Balance the Budget & Create a Healthy America!

Washington, 10/25/2012, 12:15am EST. (Leaked)

Top Republican lawmakers announced their new public policy that will balance the budget and bring sanity back to America.

1. Institute a dress code for women, saving families thousands of dollars in wasted clothing expense. National savings of over $2 trillion which can then be used by the families for menswear, golf clubs, getaways for the husbands and trips to Las Vegas for men to bond.

2. Require all women to wear chastity belts eliminating the costs of all birth control saving trillions of dollars to families across America and instantly solving the abortion issue. Creates new start-ups and jobs for iron-workers and cobblers. Estimated income of $100 billion generated with every woman wearing just one 2012 model chastity belt.

3. Outlaw the use of women's deodorant and other cosmetics. Estimated household savings of $1,000 per year or $2 trillion per year for the economy.

4. Require all women to attend Sunday church services and at least one day a week of instruction for proper behavior and respect for her husband. Estimated increase in income to the government of over $1 billion in gas taxes and transportation fees to get the women to church.

5. Restrict women from driving, which will save the families over $1,000 per year in gas and insurance costs. (Women should not be allowed to drive so that they do not pose a risk to the men drivers who are driving for a good reason, such as going to work, to the golf course or to meet their buddies for a beer or a trip to the local strip club.)

6. Require all women to make one pilgrimage a year to their church headquarters. Estimated revenue of over $100 billion in hotel and food expenses.

7. Eliminate negative media programming by banning Oprah, Sesame Street, and other propaganda shows aimed at enticing women to purchase goods and services they do not need. To make up for the hours gained in not watching TV, women can create their very own vegetable gardens to prepare fresh healthy foods for their husbands and families. Estimated savings of $2 trillion.

8. Remove women from all insurance coverage and place her in God's hands. Estimated family savings of over $1,000 per year. Extra savings would be spent on sport-outings with the family generating over $1 trillion per year in new revenues.