We all have dates that stick in our minds: births, deaths, anniversaries, graduations. Some moments are stuck in time never to be erased, too valuable to be disregarded; some we wish we could use a dry erase and scrub it until it's gone. Each event holds a special place in our memory, and sometimes the crappy events take place of the good moments. Of course, there are those moments and anniversaries that make us want to hide under the covers.
I hate the month of May. I actually pray to sleep through to the end and right into June. Nothing has ever gone right for me in that particular month, and it all seems to concede in the same 10-day period in May. There is too much sadness and really nothing to look forward to.
It's a span of at least 10 days in May that coincide with each other: three anniversaries of deaths, a tumor removal for my mother and a few other mishaps. It's literally moments where I can't breathe, and although it's been some years since they all happened, it still feels like it happened yesterday.
Grief comes in waves and sometimes it's stronger than we ever could imagine. It creeps on us and basically holds us hostage until something, ANYTHING, causes us to release the pain and agony of what we've lost, from tears to anger to even depression, and moments that we wish we could move back when it's convenient. My grief is something i can never let go as much as i try because it's almost ingrained into my soul.
But then I also look at the month as more than just wanting to sleep for 31 days. I look back to it as the month where I got my first kiss, one month exactly to my birthday, and the beginning of summer ,which always brings something and new exciting, almost like a chance to make up for a crappy May. With my luck, my first child will probably be born in May.
My point is that moments occur in our lives where we wish we could just forward or rewind them, but since that's never going to happen -- sort of a real-life Back to the Future -- sometimes we have to push forward despite what our emotions are hauntingly telling us to do. And that is what keeps us from sticking our fingers in our ears like we're back to being 5 years old again.
Do you have moments like this where an entire months just sucks and you want to hide out until it's over?