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What You Should Never Say to a Pregnant Woman

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I'm 38 weeks pregnant. Two more to go. Looking back at my pregnancy, I really can't complain... that much. My morning sickness wasn't bad. But, my OB/GYN thinks I've gained way too much weight. And, my husband thinks an alien has taken over my body since I seem to snap at every little thing he does. (Really though, excuse me, when your pregnant wife calls you, you ANSWER.)

So other than that, it's been great! However, I have to take issue with the inappropriate comments complete strangers, friends, even family members feel they need to make to an already vulnerable -- and very emotional -- pregnant woman. Luckily, I haven't been alone in this journey. My sister, who was just recently pregnant, has experienced the same reactions from people. At first, I would brush the remarks off like lint, but then they just kept piling on. So I have to share. I'm really hoping that you, former and current pregnant women out there, have experienced something similar -- please let us know in the comments and make me feel better.

Below are the top ten comments, in no particular order, my sister and I have received, the ones that were just too unbelievable to keep to ourselves.

1. Male stranger: "How many more months do you have left? One or two?"
Me: "I actually have five more months left."
Male stranger: "Oh, are you having twins?"
Me: "Nope, just one."

2. Male work colleague: "Whoa, what are you having... quadruplets?
My Sister: No, just having one."

3. Female friend... Now distant female friend: "I didn't think you were going to be big, but you really are!"
Me: "..."

4. Female stranger: "Are you having one or two because your stomach is really big?"
Me: "Just one."
Female stranger trying to redeem herself: "You have a perfect belly, you really do."

5. Female family friend: "Let me see who's bigger, you or my daughter." (Daughter and I are only days apart in our pregnancy).
Female family friend: "Oh no, you're much bigger."

6. Male stranger: "Now that's a pregnant woman right there! How far along are you?
Me: "I'm eight and a half months." (I lied; I was only seven and a half months. I was having a bloated day.)
Male stranger: "I was going to say, you look like you're about to explode!"

7. Female cousin on Skype: "Let me see your belly!"
Me: "Okay, here it is!"
Female cousin: "Oh, you don't look that pregnant!"
Me: "Oh my God, thank you! You just made my day."
Female cousin: "Now let me see your sister!" (Sister walks over to computer and shows belly).
Female cousin: "Wow, now you look pregnant!"

8. Female friend: "I didn't even recognize you!"
Me: "Really?!"
Female friend: "I knew your sister was going to be big but I didn't think you were. But you are."

9. Male distant relative: "How are you doing? Or I should probably start saying how are you two doing?"
Me: "We are good."
Male distant relative: "Are you having twins?"
Me: "No."
Male distant relative: "Are you sure?"

10. Male acquaintance: "Are you pregnant?"
Me: "Yes, how did you know?"
Male acquaintance: "Your face!"
Me: "Oooh."
Male acquaintance:"Is it a boy?"
Me: "Yes! Again, how did you know?"
Male acquaintance: "Again, your face! See when women are pregnant with boys, they tend to lose the femininity in their face."
Me: "Oooh."

I just want to know what happened to a simple "Congratulations!" Or how about nothing at all? Really, if you see a pregnant woman, do not feel obliged to say anything. We know we're pregnant, unless you're talking to one of those women from the show I Didn't Know I was Pregnant -- don't even get me started on that. But if you do see a pregnant woman and feel the need to say something, a "congratulations" is more than enough. There is no need to make any sort of comment about how big we are, or a prediction of how far along we are, or how many babies you think there are. At first I thought only men made these comments, but looking back, most of them were from women. Ladies, we're supposed to be on each other's side. The moral of this post is either say something nice or say nothing at all, especially to a hormonal pregnant woman. Now I have to go eat a donut.