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Ora Nadrich

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Commitment: Why You Shouldn't Be Afraid to Let Yourself Fall in Love

Posted: 02/16/2012 4:28 pm

I admire a man who can commit. Show me one who loves a woman like she's his queen and that's a man she will treat like a king.

Madonna's new movie, "W.E.," tells the story of a real king, Edward VIII, who not only wanted to love a woman, Wallis Simpson, as his queen, but was willing to give up his throne for her, and did. Now that's a king who chose love over everything else, which, in my opinion, made him a ruler of his heart.

Love stories such as this inspire us to believe that great love is possible, and if others can pull it off, it gives us hope that maybe we can, too. But sometimes people want to fall in love and have the kind of affair books or movies are made of, but are too afraid to commit to love for it to happen. In order for love to become something great, you have to be willing to commit to what it takes to make it great, and that means opening up your heart to someone to love, and not allowing for fear to keep you from committing to the journey.

Having a fear of commitment is something that plagues a lot of people, unfortunately. They can have what's called "commitment phobia," which is most apparent in romantic situations. Commitment-phobic people sometimes say they want, and are eager to find, a lasting romantic attachment and even get married, and yet they seem unable to find appropriate or suitable partners for it to happen. They can actually crave a romantic relationship, and yet not realize that the very thing they long for is the very thing they fear the most: Love and connection.

Craving what you fear can be very frustrating and distressing because even though you may want something badly, you can't realize that very thing you want because your fear is what's holding you back. It's a vicious cycle and can make you feel like a failure, and ultimately result in your not wanting to try.

A commitment-phobic person needs to understand that their fear might not be of love itself, but of things like making poor decisions, such as not trusting themselves to pick the right person, or that they will be trapped or caged forever and not be able to get out of a relationship or marriage if they want to.

Anticipating that something will end badly before it even starts is setting yourself up to be disappointed. But, if you're willing to take a chance and give love a try, even if you picked someone who turns out not to be right or suitable in the long run, you can still feel good about yourself knowing that you took a chance with someone, hoping they were right for you. After all, if you hadn't tried, how would you have ever known?

"There's nothing to fear, but fear itself," has never been more true than when it comes to going for love and committing to it. Whenever we put ourselves out there, we risk failure or rejection or getting hurt. There is always a chance that any or all of those things can happen. Yet, if we allow a fear of commitment to stop us from realizing one of the greatest things in the world - love -- then we are holding ourselves back from the possibility of experiencing something that could end up as romantic and passionate as some of the great love stories, like Edward and Mrs. Simpson.

If their story taught us anything, it's that love is not only worth conquering your fear for, it can be worth fighting for. It can also be a journey with ups and downs, which in their case meant exile and banishment, yet Edward didn't let his fear of losing his title, family and power keep him from fighting for, and committing to the woman he loved.

That type of committed love is what dreams are made of. The only thing fear does is get in the way of those dreams coming true.

 

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