From The Outside Looking In

Some days feel so surreal, like I'm walking through a world where a glass wall separates me from everyone else. I look through and see them buying food and things they want and need without a second thought, throwing away plates still filled with food, enough to be scraped together for an entire meal.

Sometimes, I feel like an impostor in this world, faking that I fit. Or maybe they all know and they are just smiling nicely and pretending not to notice?

Do they notice my big eyes looking in from the other side of the glass longingly at their delicious plates of food, bags of goodies? Do they notice me dreaming of money stuffed into wallets that they pull out with carefree abandon?

My son and I venture to a harvest festival abundant with horse drawn carriages, hay bales, garlands, farm animals and food vendors. Being new to the town, we are foreigners in this land and enjoying the adventure. Through the crowd, an acquaintance comes our way.

"If you're hungry and don't have any money..." he begins. My ears perk up, my hungry belly growls.

Shoot, he has me figured out!

And, sweet, there is free food here!

"There's an ATM machine in the back..." he finishes. Ha! Once again, the glass feels thick and I can see my breath fogging it up. If only I had an ATM card, I think. And if I did, would I have any money to pull?

Then my wee boys slips his warm hand into mine and looks up at me and we share a smile. I lock eyes with a stranger in the distance and we nod to one another. Nearby, two children sit together, heads close, laughing at an inside joke. People all around share sweet intimate moments. I notice the trees kissed by the wind, the sky above and the earth below.

And the glass melts away and I am standing within the beautiful web that connects and holds us all.