97% of Women Believe Being a Man Counts as Cheating

Glamour Magazine polled its readers to determine what women consider cheating. According to the poll, 97 percent of women think that being a man automatically constitutes infidelity.

"It's like original sin," said Janet Fernandez, a 44-year-old divorcée who has been cheated on multiple times. "You're born with it."

Anthony Weiner's infamous Twitter scandal raised a lot of questions about the definition of cheating. Many women believe that "sexting" and other digital communications of a sexually explicit nature is cheating.

"If you're a man and have ever logged onto Facebook or signed onto Twitter, you're a cheater," said Amy Kang, a 20-year-old college student who is really suspicious of her boyfriend Greg, especially after not calling her when he went to that off-campus party last night. "Actually, if you're a man and have ever looked at a computer, you're a cheater."

Men do not view infidelity or the use of social media the same way that women do. Though the former congressman engaged in lewd and disrespectful behavior, most men do not consider the graphic messages to be cheating.

An informal poll taken at Scores Gentlemen Club during a really crazy bachelor party revealed that, in fact, zero percent of men believe that what Anthony Weiner did should be considered cheating.

"Nah, if you're not getting your knob schlobbed, it ain't cheating," slurred a sensationally inebriated married man on the verge of vomiting while getting a lap dance at Scores and illegally propositioning the stripper performing the lap dance.

Originally featured in the Daily Pygmy.