Skeptics are demanding that the White House reveal images of Osama bin Laden's corpse as proof of his death, but President Barack Obama has decided against publishing the images on account of the really pathetic state of the 9/11 mastermind's living quarters.
The Navy Seal team that captured and killed Osama bin Laden said that the upstairs room where bin Laden was found was just sad. The laundry basket was full, the trash can was full, clothes littered the floor, and there were Playboy magazines under the bed.
"It was clear that he hadn't done his laundry or picked up his room in weeks," said the Seal that killed bin Laden. "Makes you wonder how he was raised."
"The room was in the kind of state you dread your mom might discover when you're a hormone-crazed teenager," said another Seal. "But this wasn't a hormone-crazed teen; it was the leader of the most infamous terrorist group in the world."
"We're not a nation that rubs victories in the faces of our enemies," said the president. "Sure, he was our sworn enemy and deserved to be brought to justice, but showing images of his corpse surrounded by dirty laundry would just be plain cruel."
Seals suspect that they might have interrupted a session of masturbation when they barreled through the door armed with assault rifles.
"It was brutal," said a Seal well versed in Arabic. "He was covering up and said, 'What? I wasn't doing anything.'"
Originally featured in the Daily Pygmy.
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