Mubarak Starts Dictator Consulting Firm

Fresh off his ousting, former President of Egypt Hosni Mubarak announced that he will be starting his own business, a consulting firm specializing in autocrats, monarchs and dictators at risk of being overthrown by general populations.

Mubarak, who withstood 17 days of revolt before ceding power, said that he learned valuable lessons from his experience, which he intends on applying in private practice.

"My program is specially designed to teach oligarchs not only how to resist a revolution but how to prevent one," said Mubarak.

According to the former leader, his program includes the "three forms": misinform, de-inform, and un-reform.

"It's all about misleading and confusing," said Mubarak. "I should have gone after international hackers and wikis that enabled my [former] people to work around the internet block."

Mubarak said that if he had to do it all over again, he would do things differently.

"I'd use the Brave New World approach, not the 1984 approach," he said. "I was stubborn and tried to subdue them with my will. I should have made them fat and complacent by opening up Burger King and Pinkberry."

Mubarak said that he has already been engaged by leaders in the Middle East. He was not at liberty to divulge but said that the name of the country rhymed with a part of the female anatomy.

Originally featured in http://dailypygmy.com/