This Sunday, one of the most amazing (and complicated) television shows of all time will come to an end. So in honor of Sunday's series finale, I'd like to devote my blog to why dating (itself amazing and complicated) is like Lost:
10. Most men are Sawyers or Jacks. When it comes to men, women have a choice: the hot, unpredictable bad boy or the guy who's smart, secure and a little bit vanilla. Either way there's a trade-off, and when the going gets tough, the grass is always going to look greener on the other side. (Just ask Kate!)
9. You can't resist magnetism. The crash of Oceanic 815 was caused by an intense electromagnetic force that pulled the airplane to The Island. Also possessing the ability to draw you, helplessly, to them like a magnet: emotionally unavailable men, men with commitment issues, married men.
8. When men get your digits, they never seem to know what to do with them.
The survivors of Oceanic 815 were told to enter the numbers "4 8 15 16 23 42" into the computer at the Swan Station every 108 minutes or something terrible would happen. Even when the stakes were death and destruction, the men in charge still failed to punch the numbers in time. Think about that next time you're waiting by the phone for that new guy to call.
7. You can never really trust "The Others." Soon after the crash survivors got their bearings on The Island, they discovered there were other - hostile - inhabitants to contend with. In a relationship with a man, "The Others" are his buddies who cajole him into blowing his paycheck on golf outings or ditching date night for an impromptu trip to Vegas.
6. Even when you're feeling pretty secure, there's always something dangerous lurking "out there." When not fending off "The Others," the Lost castaways are watching their backs for mutant jungle polar bears and an evil "smoke monster." I think most women would choose those perils any day over their guy's crazy ex-girlfriend and meddling mother.
5. All arguments come down to Reason vs. Emotion. In Lost, Dr. Jack Shephard, a man of science, uses reason to explain the bizarre events that occur on The Island. John Locke, a man of faith, feels that there's a greater purpose. I'll go ahead and use my marriage to illustrate the parallel: My husband actually thinks he can make a rational case for why I shouldn't feel like crying.
4. Most men are determined to get into your "hatch." The Lost survivors found a mysterious hatch in the jungle, and even though its door ominously bore the serial number "4 8 15 16 23 42" and the word "Quarantine," Jack, Locke and Hurley still couldn't restrain themselves from busting it open. The lesson here: try as you may to keep something from a man (info about your past, an invitation back to your place), when he's curious about something, he'll keep trying until he gets what he wants.
3. You can't escape the past. Throughout the series, a series of flashbacks reveals Lost's main characters' mistakes. When men blame their inability to commit on their "fear of getting hurt," it usually means you're paying the price for whatever his psycho ex-girlfriend did to him.
2. Spend too much time in the (dating) jungle, and women start to go bat-s#*t-crazy. It happened to French scientist Danielle Rousseau after she was shipwrecked on The Island with no human contact for 16 years, and it happened to Claire after the other survivors left her behind for three years. Likewise, women can only hear confusing guy phrases like "I need space" and "I love you but I'm not in love with you" for so long before they start to feel like they're losing their mind.
And the #1 reason why dating is like Lost...
1. After years of trying to figure it out, you still feel pretty confused...but no matter what, it's always entertaining.
Follow Paige Parker on Twitter: www.twitter.com/PaigeDWD