Ignore the Negative Ads; Watch How He Treats His Wife

Today when I got home after lunch I had two pieces of mail from the Republican Party of New Mexico. I think I've gotten 5 or 7 pieces from these folks in the last week. They all feature pictures of Obama on them, citing things such as "Obama: he acted more as a friend to criminals than to cops..." and "Barack Obama. Not who you think he is."

Normally I just trash the junk and don't read it. Who REALLY reads political mail anyway? I don't think it does a darn thing to change minds. Maybe it just reinforces beliefs, but I don't think for a minute it changes any of them.

But looking at these pieces of true junk mail, it reminded me of something my old boss used to say about marketing: "When you are talking about the other guy, you're wasting valuable time not talking about yourself."

There are those marketing geniuses who will tell you that negative marketing works. I'm here to tell you that this election, nothing could be further from the truth.

I was shopping in Walgreen's tonight (Bargain Alert-they have bubble mailers at 3/$1.00) and I ran into a woman I know who works in advertising at the local newspaper. I didn't know her political beliefs, so I kept away from that subject, but in the course of the conversation, she brought it up.

Turns out her son came home from school today saying if he could vote, he would vote for McCain, because Obama was a Muslim and didn't love America. She was shocked to find that her son had heard that at school... from one of the TEACHERS. (that's a story for another time).

Now that I knew we had common ground, we stood in the aisle of the store for at least 30 minutes talking politics. She is a life-long Republican, but was voting for Obama, happily. Why? Because she saw from reading the newswires how the rest of the world perceived us. She read how other countries respected Obama. And she believed that we needed to raise our country's reputation throughout the world, and find friends and allies. This is something that a Maverick, intent on "bucking the system" would not, could not, do.

She told me that she believed Obama could do that. Why? Because of his calm and thoughtful demeanor. Because his time was spent talking about bringing people together, not wasted trashing McCain. Because of the way he spoke to people on the campaign trail. Because of the respect he showed his wife.

Respect he showed his wife? How he talked to people on the campaign trail? What did that have to do with what kind of a president he would be?

Actually, I understood what she meant. And to me, it spoke volumes. Years ago, when I would go out on a date, my mother would tell me, "Watch how he treats the waitress. Does he tip well? Watch how he treats his secretary. Is he respectful to her?"

My mother believed that these were quick ways to assess the measure of a man. I think her advice holds true today, whether it's a date or a guy who is hoping to gain political office. Anybody can put on party manners for the camera, but what are they like underneath the show? True compassion is obvious in the clasp of a hand; respect in the affection for one's spouse. And isn't that what we want in a leader? Someone who respects us, our needs, our hopes and desires? Someone who respects differences, but tries to find the best solution for all parties involved?

I know that's what I want in a leader. I'm tired of war and hate and deceit and duplicity. And I'm tired of negative campaigning.

One of the most negative guys on the ballot these days is one of the candidates trying to fill the seat of retiring U.S. Senator Pete Domenici. His name is Steve Pearce, and he is just plain one unhappy guy. I get all his campaign stuff and it's always negative.

That's why it was such a breath of fresh air today to meet with his opponent on the ballot, Congressman Tom Udall. Tom is as straight forward, honest and regular of a guy you could ever hope to meet. His campaign has refused to follow the negative model. He doesn't need to. He is very well-respected in New Mexico, because he says what he means, and he walks the walk.

He is a huge supporter of our military, and it's not campaign rhetoric. I was just told a story last week of how another life-long Republican was going to vote Democrat. Seems their son had been over in Iraq for a several months and because of some snafu, had not received a paycheck. No one they had contacted could help them. Not the military. Not Pearce's office. No one. Until, out of desperation, they decided to call Tom Udall's office. Within 10 days the soldier had a paycheck.

I have known Tom Udall for many years. I have had the pleasure of interviewing him at length about politics, his family and his personal life. I have immense respect for Rep. Udall because he is a man of his word. And many, many people, of both political affiliations, will say the same thing. He is truly a man who follows his conscience. He was one of the first, and only, opponents of the Patriot Act. He felt it was subverting the U.S. Constitution. It was not a popular position for him to take, but it was one in which he strongly believed. And one that time has shown to be correct.

Negative Advertising? Not from Tom Udall. His works speak for him. His friends and campaigners speak for him. They love him. Because he has the handclasp of compassion, and I've seen the respect for his wife.

And no piece of negative political junk mail in the world can change my mind. I don't think it will truly change anyone's. Instead, it just shows how hateful and divisive the political candidates who use negative campaigning are.

So I invite you to throw out the negative junk mail and watch the candidates in those quiet moments. Did he thank the waitress? Did he listen to the child? Is he nice to the reporter? Does he show affection for his wife?

I respectfully submit that those are the clues to the true measure of a man.

Comments

[VivreBoutique]

To Clod:
Because a black man said so - when was the last time you listened to a black man? Only when it suited your own myopic agenda.
I guess we should all quote the white people who won't vote for MCCain. If a white man says don't vote, its merely his opinion. When a black man says don't vote, he is speaking for his race.
This nonsensical, pseudo informed, ridiculous view of life is what makes America less great.
By the way, I am black and I would keel over before I let a musician, actor or comedian influence my way of thinking, regardless of their race.

[Wild Clover]

I'd made my choice of Obama way back...besides, until there is an abject apology from the republican party to the American people, and especially the children, I have vowed to never vote for a republican again. I made that vow when Bush vetoed Schip funding, and his party didn't have the balls or compassion to override. Something sat uneasily with me and Obama though...I think it is the "preacher's cadence" in his speeches...until I watched him and Michelle at the convention.
Before giving a stranger trust, look to see if others trust him. Even if he makes mistakes, they won't be through carelessness or callousness.

[kimp]

Once again, you've spoken what I've been thinking silently Pam. I assess a man by the people he chooses to surround himself with. I also agree that the way a person treats someone they are only aware of peripherally indicates how they will treat everyone. I agree 100% (and have thought of this often with McCain) is that while you're wasting time slinging mud at the opposition you aren't telling me anything at all about what YOUR plans are to help. You're wasting valuable time! Obama speaks as if he's already President, what he sees, what his plans are, what he can do to help. I've heard nothing of that from McCain. All I've seen him do is kick up dust to hopefully blind the public. Time for your bath John........

[blaqntelligence]

I agree with the article absolutely. I agreed with the nuts and bolts of his vision for America but what sold me was the obvious love and mutual attraction Barack and Michelle share.
That is just as important as a 10-point economic policy.

[nellpost]

I'd like to know more about the teacher who told the student that garbage!

[Emlyn]

I would too. That person should be canned!

[Oregon Ivy]

Compare Michele Obama with Cindy McCain and Shrill Sarah. Even when the two Repbublican candidates were inciting crowds with hate against her husband, Michele went on Larry King and was gracious and warm and refused to say one bad word about them.

She is a class act, and she and her husband and family will be the REAL breath of fresh air and family values we need in the White House.

[Ani]

The past two presidential elections, everyone was asked who they'd like to have a beer with. I think this time, the better question ... the more telling question ... is: Who would you want to be married to?

I've known the bad boy types like McCain. Nightmares, every one.

Give me Obama or Biden any day!

[LollieDotCom]

Here's another test. Say you're a single mother, and the father stays away. Which one of these men do you want to be a role model for your sons? Which of these women do you want to be a role model for your daughters in character, demeanor, respect, responsibility, and class?

Which one hits above the belt, which hits below?
Which one is going to make hiring decisions based on who's best for the job (say for example: to head up FEMA) and who's going to be most likely to make those hiring postions based primarily on cronyism, lobbyists, winning the next election?

I've always voted for the person who I believe is best for the job no matter their party. This time, I have so much faith in Obama that I'm voting a straight democrat ticket. That's how I'm supporting our troops, our job markets and our homes.

[MagBlack]

I come from a conservative, working class family that has historically voted Republican; I'm the only Democrat in the fold. This year, the women of the family had been planning to vote Republican as usual, but were wavering (largely because of McCain's choice of Palin, who had turned them off with her "mean high school girl" temperament and far-right views). They liked what they'd seen of Obama...his intelligence and his calm, positive, unflappable demeanor....and yet crossing over to the Democratic side of the ticket was a hard thing for them to contemplate.

You know what finally sold them on the idea? The warmth and respect Obama consistently shows towards his wife. What it finally came down to is that it's the Obama family (and the Biden family) that they'd rather see in the White House, representing America -- not the Palin or McCain families. "Good decent people," my eldest aunt pronounced the Obamas. Since I never thought I'd live to see the day that my family would vote for a mixed-race candidate, it's interesting that this was the deciding factor.

Six new votes for Obama as a result. (In a swing state, no less.)

[klo]

The first thing I've read today that made me smile. Thank you.

[Clod]

We all can rationalize "Why we like one candidate over the other". But if a person can truly be "unbiased" with their decision making...McCain/Palin is the crystal clear choice. Although my vote will be McCain...there are things about him I do not agree with. But choosing Obama will be the beginning and the end of America...what she stands for...and what has made her GREAT!!!

But don't take my word. Read the words from a prominent black musician who tells you "Why I (A Black Man) Can't Vote for Obama" : http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/huntleybrown.asp

[mbrook4949]

Clod's position is based on a fundamentalist interpretation of Christianity. Also, it makes a false (IMHO) equivalency between African-American attempts at self-improvement and white racism. If you want to go there, fine. If you've heard it all before, skip it.

[LisaLisa1234]

I will never understand how someone--who likely is sincere in their desire to vote based on who God would want them to vote for--could vote for the ticket where slander is not only accepted but encouraged; where the top of the ticket is not even married according to the Bible (as he divorced his first wife because of his adulterous relationship with his current one) and is profane and misogynistic; and where greed is the underlying driving force of all.

This makes no sense to me.

[LisaLisa1234]

Which part of America will be ending in an Obama presidency: racism, division, war, cronyism, subsidizing the rich, the budget deficit, the national debt, a tanking economy....?

Or all of the above?

By all means, bring it!

[necie]

I also agree with you (as well as with the other posters).

My husband and I taught our daughters the same...if a man can't treat you like your Daddy does, he doesnt deserve your attention!

I too have watched Senator Obama's actions....those little glances between husband and wife, the ones where you can almost read one another's mind. Soft touches, the tenderness he shows his own daughters. The time taken off the campaign trail (at such a critical time too!) to see his ailing grandmother. This is certainly a man I am proud to support!

Obama/Biden '08

[523]

Great piece. One of the things that struck me the most about the "Joe the Plumber" video was that, although he seemed rushed, Senator Obama stopped and took the time to explain his plan to the resistant Joe. He was so detailed that it gave the opposition enough to pick at. Even as Joe accused him of taxing his fantasy business, Senator Obama pressed on and attempted to put to rest his fears. That exchange more to help Obama, in my eyes, than the McCain/Palin distortion.

[Takae]

That moment was a "game changer" for me, too.

He could have said, I'll get my office to send you some literature for you to read, or direct him to a web site, but he didn't. He took time to answer the question. That said it all for me.

[wendy82551]

Your mom is SO right. I've been watching Barack and Michelle and John and Cindy. Barack and Michelle seem like a partnership of equals, with bonds of genuine affection and respect. I don't know what the heck is going on in the McCain relationship, but there doesn't seem to be any actual warmth or connection there. Cindy looks like she'd rather be just about anywhere else, and he can barely tolerate her touch -- it's a distraction from his real love, the quest for power.

On a micro level, this is particularly important for women to attend to. It is not a mistake that John McCain put "the health of the mother" in air quotes, belittled a court case intended to provide a woman with equal pay for equal work, and opposed legislation to provide equal pay for women. His opinion of women is obvious in the way he treats his wife. Conversely, I feel confident that if Barack goes astray in the area of women's rights, Michelle will send him off in the right direction. But that's perhaps not even necessary, because they seem to have a partnership.

And of course, a man's attitude towards women says more about him than it does about women and, therefore, speaks volumes as to how they will deal with other people and nations in general. We NEED someone like Barack Obama.

[LisaLisa1234]

Not to mention the unforgivable joke he made about Chelsea Clinton's "ugliness" (his words, not mine...I think she's beautiful) being the result of a union between Hillary and Janet Reno.

Utterly indicative of his views toward women.