"The truth will set you free... but first it will make you miserable" - James A. Garfield
When you love someone, you don't want to believe they would lie to you. You also don't want to believe they would hurt you -- your self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence. Unfortunately, there are people who will do just that. And this person may be the one you trust above all others -- your spouse.
Consider this scenario: you suspect your partner is lying to you about something big, like having addiction issues or an affair. When you confront them, they tell you that you are wrong and accuse you of being paranoid, overly insecure or plain stupid. They make you feel as though you have a problem, not them. When in reality, you are right on the money about their behavior and their lies. They are manipulating you, which is not only dishonest and deceitful, it is also psychological and emotional abuse.
The possibility that your spouse or partner is behaving this way can be hard to accept. It is painful, and nobody wants to believe they've been deceived, especially by someone they trust and have dedicated their life to. But how do you know if you are being lied to? Following these three steps will help:
1. Trust Your Gut: Your intuition is a powerful gift and tool. Tapping into it isn't hard but does require some discipline and practice. Begin by quieting the mind or, as my mentor taught me long ago, "Put it on pause". Your inner guidance to finding the real truth won't come from the analytical mind. Just breathe deeply -- in through the nose and out through the mouth -- several times until you feel relaxed. Place your hand over your stomach and while focusing on that area, ask yourself something you want and need to know. Allow the answer to come to you. Then sit with that answer for a moment and simply trust it.
2. Don't Seek Validation: One of the biggest detractors to trusting our intuition is seeking approval or validation for the answers we receive from within. Don't shop for agreement or confirmation of your intuition from your spouse or anyone else. You know deep down what is true and it's important that you spend your time focusing on accepting that first. Otherwise, you will subconsciously sabotage your efforts because you are still in denial. Once you have accepted your truth, you will then be in a position to become practical and grounded which will enable you to obtain whatever facts are appropriate. Please note I'm not promoting snooping. However, by having some form of proof to back up your intuition, you will gain confidence, enabling you to approach your spouse from a position of strength.
3. Stand Your Ground: Hopefully at some point, you'll have the facts you need to back up your intuition. You know what is true and will most likely have proof, so you can move toward making a decision about what you want to do from here. I suggest you don't confront your spouse right away. Instead, make a decision first about what you want. You are in charge, and the future of your relationship is your choice. When you do confront your spouse, remember to stand your ground. You are now free from their manipulation (or anyone else's for that matter).
These steps will help you determine if your fears are imaginary or real and what to do about them. Hopefully they aren't real. But if you discover that they are valid, please know that you'll be okay -- even better than okay in the long run. Trust me, I know. Looking back, there was a fateful moment in my life where I had to admit to myself that my spouse was both lying to me and manipulating me in ways that made me doubt myself, and my world came crashing down. However, from the ashes of destruction something wonderful emerged -- a new-found love for and trust in myself. As hurtful as the truth about my spouse's behavior was, facing it ignited my empowerment process, which eventually enabled me to live the life of my dreams. I'm living it now and I know the truth will help you live it too.
Pamela Dussault, creator of www.PassageToInnerJoy.com, is a spiritual teacher, mentor, intuitive counselor and medium, soul mate relationship specialist, founder of the R.E.A.P. healing method, and author.