There is no perfect man. Get over it. And in case you didn't get the memo, you aren't perfect either. I know, hard to believe. The issue is really that most of us don't understand relationship maintenance at all or really how to care for each other past the first blush of heat. Do you really know how to love a man or are you living in constant conflict?
Well, if you are living in a space of frequent conflict in your relationship, you're in a pattern heading towards a breakup. So how do you stop it? Instead of waiting for the perfect man, how do you become the kind of lover that a man wants to be around? How do you be the lover that he wants to come home to?
Tips on Loving a Man:
1. Let your man shine.
I know it's hard to believe, but women are not always the star of the show. Men need to know that they are desirable and appreciated. How do you give your man the spotlight? How do you build up his self-esteem, not just in your eyes but in the eyes of others? When you place a high value on him and share that high value with the world, love grows.
2. Love him the way he wants to be loved.
Your man may feel love differently then you feel love. What's his "love language"? What makes you feel loved may be meaningless to him. Notice when your actions lead to his heart softening. Do it again. Each man has their own way of feeling loved. Pay attention to how he responds to an offer of a massage or loving words or even being given alone time. Offer his particular flavor of love often.
3. Let him protect you.
Give him opportunities to be in the lead, in charge and to take care of you. Sometimes, men would simply like to be Batman. And after he arrives in his cape and fixes things, love on him a lot.
4. Men tend to be have both spontaneous and responsive sexual desire.
They tend to notice sex in the air and men tend to look at sexual images more than women do. Men look. They look at other sexy things on the street and they might even flirt. Let them. If you find yourself feeling insecure or jealous what is that about really? Constantly trying to control your man's natural instincts simply "to look" is more about your own self-esteem than about him. Do you trust him to keep your relationship agreements? And if you don't? Why not? Check your jealousy. That's about you and not about him.
5. Give the man space!
Stop "poking" at him. This may be the hardest things for many women to master. I know you want to -- but stop. How many times a day are you going to text him? When we constantly "poke" we are really checking to see if "he is there". Can you trust that he is there? Once again, women fall down when it comes to trusting their man and needing reassurance. Many women need less personal space then men do. We love to communicate and share our feelings. And that's wonderful. But notice how often you are doing that? How much attention and connection do you really need? If you find that you are poking 10 times a day, cut it down to five. Respect his personal time. Ask him if he needs some. If he is grumpy or having a bad day, what he might need the most is space. Most men don't like to "talk through" their personal issues. Again, if the bear is cranky, don't poke him.
6. Do you cause distractions in his life?
This is what I call "Advanced Poking". It's a big one. When he is working or playing without you, do you cause distraction and drama? Do you need the attention turned back towards you when he is focused elsewhere to prove his love to you? Why? Do you need to remind him that you are the most important thing all the time? This one is epidemic and is so not loving your man.
7. Don't expect him "to know".
Love is not a guessing game. How about telling your man in straight clear language what you need? That's right. What if you simply told him your desires? Men love to go the hunt and provide. Tell him what you want to eat! He will love bringing it back for you. Use your words. Your man will deeply appreciate you just telling him.
8. Try reducing the drama in your relationship.
Women are really good at creating stories out of one piece of information and gathering information. And sometimes, we get a hint of something and off we go! Don't make assumptions and build stories from scraps of information that you may learn about your man. Social media is a big drama builder. "Did he really like that girl's picture?" "Did he really just leave that comment?" Just ask him what is up. And when you are tossing and turning in conflict over your made-up story and he asks you what is up, please don't say "nothing" and then go into a slow boil because he moves on. Use your words. Really. Ask and tell.
9. Don't take him for granted.
Really. Just don't.
Earlier on Huff/Post50: