THE BLOG
10/31/2013 10:58 am ET | Updated Feb 02, 2016

The Evil Transgender Scheme to Bring the Plot of Ladybugs to Life

I do a lot of reading and writing about transgender-specific news. Progressive sites, Conservative outlets, pieces of legislation -- I read it all. Why? Because if I'm to debunk so many of the half-truths, misconceptions and outright lies about transgender people, I need to know what these lies are.

It's amazing how often I learn something new about myself just from reading sites like RedState, Breitbart, FoxNews and Townhall. Did you know that I'm not trans, I'm just super gay? That was news to me, but CNN's Don Lemon seems to know better. I also wasn't aware that I was "born a man." Though I can't recall the details of my birth, I was under the impression that I was born an infant. If this isn't the case, major props to my mom for what enduring the ordeal of a birthing a fully-grown man. Todd Starnes of Fox News and RedState seems to think that's how things went down. Who knew?

My absolute favorite new thing I've learned about being transgender: our secret plan to win sporting events! It's come to my attention that Conservative journalists have caught on to our nefarious plot to bring the plot of the 1992 Rodney Dangerfield film Ladybugs to life. As always, I'm going to assume that the reporting on this story was done in a "Fair and Balanced" way, which would certainly include at least one transgender person being interviewed. Oh? You couldn't find one? We're everywhere. Given that you couldn't manage to include a statement from a single trans person, I really do owe you credit, Todd Starnes. You were able to foil our plot, stopping us from winning the big game, preventing Rodney Dangerfield from getting that promotion at work.Curses, Todd Starnes! Curses!

In all seriousness, it would be nice if these traditionally conservative outlets would at least fein journalistic integrity. Go ahead, interview a trans person or two before you publish that story telling us how awful we are. I'm available. I'm happy to have a discussion, make a statement, clear the air. Send me a note on Twitter, or contact me via my website. I check both pretty religiously. And maybe, if you ask really nicely, I'll let you in on our secrets.