I want Sharon Osbourne to be my best friend. This won't happen, of course, but a girl can dream. I don't know her personally, but I've had two interactions with "The Talk" host. Once, circa 2002, when we both attended a White House Correspondents' Dinner after-party in Washington, D.C. where she was a guest, and I was on duty -- mingling with other high-profile celebrities, Red Carpet style, to get quick quotes for Us Weekly.
When I approached Mrs. O to see if I could speak with her to ask her a couple of questions, she grabbed my hand as if she had known me all her life, flashed a big smile and said, 'Of course!' After we chatted for several minutes, she gave me a big hug after I thanked her for being so gracious. I wanted her... to be my BFF on the spot!
My second interaction happened a few days ago when she called me from the set of "The Talk" to chat with me again. This time I had requested an interview with her for The Huffington Post, and, again, I was bowled over by her kindness.
Mrs. O agreed to take HuffPost's Pop Quiz. Let's take a joyful ride with one classy lady. (What will she not do for a million dollars? Read on. You'll be surprised.)
Hi, Sharon. Thanks for letting us pick your brain.
I'm going to ask you some rapid-fire questions that will be fun and light-hearted.
Let's do it!
Who do you call when you're bored?
A girlfriend of mine called Shelli Azoff.
What do the two of you do when you're bored?
We gossip about everybody, of course.
Can you put me in on those calls? I don't spread gossip, but I do listen to it.
What TV show that is no longer on the air do you miss the most?
There was a series called "Magic City." I think it was on the Starz TV channel. I loved it.
What TV show on the air now do you love the most besides "The Talk?"
The new show with Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey. "True Detective."
If you had only one choice would you rather be the sexiest person in the world or the smartest?
Smartest. Because sex and looks don't last. Your smarts always last.
If you could become invisible for a day, where would you go?
I'd like to spend the day with the Queen at Buckingham Palace. When the Prime Minister does his weekly updates with her, I would like to see her reactions to situations that are going on in England.
When was the last time you told a little white lie?
Every day. (Laughs)
Does one come to mind that would be fun to share?
Let me think. I said [recently] on the show... we were talking about when people take things and don't give them back, and I [told a story and] did add in a dressing gown, and there wasn't a dressing gown that was taken, but I added it in because it made the story more special. I spiced it up a bit.
What's a deal-breaker for you in a friendship?
What's the one thing in your life you wish you could take back?
Oh my God, all the money I've spent.
Okay. That brings me to another question. When was the last time you bought something that you couldn't afford?
God, a pair of earrings, about two weeks ago. I really should never have done it.
What do they look like? Do they have lots of diamonds?
Yeah, big diamonds.
But you're not going to take them back, I'm guessing?
Definitely not. (Laughs)
If a woman blatantly flirted with your husband in front of you, would you be polite and let it go, or would you ask her to step outside?
I'd ask her to step outside after I'd smacked her.
Finish the sentence: I'm tired of hearing about ...
If you were Justin Bieber's mother, how would you take charge of his life and try to help him?
I think that I would show him all the kids that have gone before him in the industry that were famous for a short amount of time, and I would put together a little documentary for him, and show it to him.
What's your biggest pet peeve when you're driving?
People who drive too slow.
One day you talked about toxic friends on "The Talk." Have you ever had a toxic friend?
Many, yeah, you know the type that come into a room and suck all the blood out of the room.
How did you handle those types of friends?
You just have to move on and close that door.
Have you ever given your children advice that they didn't take?
Naturally. Every mother does.
Do you have an example of something?
Yes, tattoos with Kelly. I told her not to do it, and now she's having them removed.
What advice did you give Jack when he was growing up that you feel he took to heart?
I told Jack to always respect women and to never do a kiss and tell.
If you could give Ozzy one piece of advice, what would it be?
I would tell him to not be fearful... to live in today, not tomorrow.
If you had a real crystal ball, what would you be looking for?
My Lord -- a cure for cancers and MS.
Finish this sentence: The last thing I want to do is...
Go to a club.
I'm guessing you used to... back in the day though?
Yeah, a lot, but now I'd rather put sticks in my eyes.
If someone lets you down, are you more likely to hold a grudge or be forgiving?
Forgiving, because you know we all do it at some time or other. I'm guilty of it with friends.
What's the one bad habit you have that you think annoys your husband the most?
Those earrings, Sharon.
Tell me about it.
Does Ozzy know?
Don't be ridiculous.
He's going to know if he reads this.
What's Ozzy's one habit that annoys you the most?
You and Christie Brinkley are just one year apart. She looks wonderful, and I think you also look wonderful. What's your secret?
My God, no. I think that Christie Brinkley is... I don't think she's human, because I don't know how it's humanly possible to look that great. She is amazingly gorgeous.
Would you rather change your past or know your future?
Change my past.
What in your past would you like to change? Anything specific?
My Lord... business decisions that I made.
Do you have a favorite quote?
Probably from "All About Eve." "Fasten your seat belts, it's going to be a bumpy night."
What would you not do for a million dollars?
Go to a Kanye West concert.
Who would you like to meet that you've never met?
I can't now, but it would have been Nelson Mandela.
Do you ever fantasize about another man besides your husband?
No, I don't, I'm terribly boring when it comes to men. No.
I was watching an early episode of "The Osbournes," and you and Ozzy were making out in front of Kelly. I think it was in the halls of "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno." I don't know how many years ago that was, but it was so cute. Kelly said, "Stop it", and Ozzy replied, "We're married" and she said, "You're too old to make out." Do you two still make out after 32 years of marriage?
I think that a mother is only as happy as her unhappiest child. How do you handle it when your children are hurting, for whatever reason?
It's just like what you said, and I say that saying all the time. It is so true. When they hurt, I hurt, and when they're happy, I'm happy.
Who do you think is the most overrated person in pop culture?
What's your take on Miley Cyrus' Bangerz tour where she's getting a little graphic with her sex antics?
I think she is fantastic. I love her. She is not for kids, she is a young adult, and she is fun.
How did you feel when Ozzy bit off the head of a bat on stage back in the day? Did you worry that he might get sick?
Of course I was worried. I took him to the hospital, and he had to take rabies injections.
You must have gotten to know Brooke Burke Charvet since Kelly and Jack both competed on "Dancing With the Stars." How do you feel about DWTS letting her go?
I am very sad that Brooke is not there. She is a lovely woman, and I thought she did a great job.
What's the best and worst part of fame for you?
People are generally really nice. What could be better than walking down the street, people shouting your name and asking how your family is doing? For me, there's no downside. You know what you are going to get when you sign up. As many people that like you, there are those that dislike you but that is the name of the game.
What do you like best about sharing hosting duties with the other ladies of "The Talk?"
We like to have fun and be respectful of each other, and I think we are really a diverse group of women.
I heard someone once say, "I don't trust anyone who has never been fired in this business." Have you ever been betrayed by someone in the business?
I don't think you have lived unless you have been betrayed by somebody. It's part of life.
When was the last time you cried?
Last week while watching "Blackfish." I cannot stand to see any animals or mammals put into captivity. I hate aquariums and zoos. They should all be banned.
How is your son Jack doing with his health?
He is doing extremely well, healthy and happy.
How do you like being a grandmother and what does your granddaughter call you?
I had my granddaughter over the weekend. She calls me Nana. I love being a grandmother. It's one of the gifts of being old.
Follow Sharon Osbourne on Twitter: @MrsSOsbourne