My Favorite Things, Kind of

I can almost picture Robin Williams performing the boomer version of this classic song from The Sound of Music. Sing along! That's the spirit!

Shoppers on steroidsand family dysfunctionbankers who stealwithout fear or compunction

High expectationsAnd songs I don't singThis is the madnessThe holidays bring.

[Insert, the hum, you know, the hum]

Rudolph and sleigh bellsAnd Snoopy and SantaWay too much eggnogOffset by Mylanta

Nonstop commercialsFor things we don't needThis is just part of the holiday greed.

When the card swipes!When the bill stings!When my mood is mad,I simply forget all the holiday blingAnd then I don't feel so bad.

OverindulgingFor one 12-day nightmareFamily reunionsI've done that and been there

Ringing up salesfor the crap we don't needThis is all part of the holiday greed

[Once more, the hum, oh yes, the hum]

Black and blue FridayAnd fistfights for XboxGroupons and KindlesAnd discounts for Botox

So much to look forRight under the treeApps for the veganWho's now gluten free!

Like a dog bite!Like a bee sting!They can seem so bad.I simply remember those gifts I won't buy,And then I don't feel so sad.

Airports and trafficAnd God-awful fruitcakesRunways that close just becauseOf three snowflakes.

Regifting presents That nobody needs,This is just something The holiday breeds!

[The hum, the hum, you know, the hum]

Sugar and butterAnd diets that taunt youShoulds and the shouldn'tsThat come back to haunt you

Tinsel and glitterAnd snow we don't seeNow that there's TwitterI don't need a tree!

When the card swipes!When the bill stings!When my mood is mad,I simply forget all the holiday blingAnd then I don't feel so bad.