06/07/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated Nov 17, 2011

Confidence Setbacks

After a setback or a disappointment your confidence can really be put to the test. Everyone experiences doubts and fears after something unexpected throws you off your game or changes a part of your life. After the initial blow and once the dust settles you need to go into "Recovery Mode."


The R in recovery mode stands for "Redirect your thoughts." You need to kick-start your brain back into a positive direction. Although you may not feel like it, force yourself to make a list of what is right in your life, what you are thankful for, like your health, family, or friends, etc. Add to the list everyday. Look at the list when you wake up in the morning and when you go to bed at night.

The E in recovery mode stands for "Evaluate." Evaluate the situation from another perspective. Could it have been worse? Is there any good at all that could come from it? Are there folks in worse situations right now than you are? Do you have any different options in the way you can react to the situation?

The C in recovery mode stands for "Connect." Connect with people who believe in you and your abilities.

The O in recovery mode stands for "Open up." Open up your mind to new doors and windows by looking at all angles. Ask the folks who believe in you what new possibilities they may see for you. The saying "when one door closes another always opens" has been around a very long time, there must be a reason.

The V in recovery mode stands for "Value." Remember that no matter what happens to you, you are of great value -- everyone is. There are people who also value you right now and you may not even realize it.

The next E in recovery mode stands for "Embrace where you are right now." People don't generally learn and grow when everything is just peachy. We grow the most when we're challenged and tested, and when we go through change.

The next R in recovery mode stands for "Realize this too will pass." Nothing lasts forever. Time really does heal all wounds. There will be a day in the future where you look back from a very different place.

And finally the Y in recovery mode stands for "Yell." Vent if you have to. Open the window and scream "I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore." Get it out. Don't hold in your anger, your sorrow, or your disappointment. Once you let it out, it's so much easier to move on.

View this tip in video format:

Patricia Stark is the host of Craving Confidence, a weekly show about confidence, life, and business skills. To subscribe to the show or the monthly newsletter, visit