An Interview With Alexis Ortega, A Director of the National Marriage Boycott

A few weeks back, I wrote a tongue-in-cheek piece about how I would be getting an (Un)legal Divorce until same-sex marriages becomes the law of the land. I was contacted by Alexis Ortega, a student at Stanford and a director of the National Marriage Boycott. The organization calls on President Obama to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act and encourages straight married couples to wear an "equality ring" as a sign of support.

Here is an email exchange I had with Ortega.

1.) Please explain the NMB and what it hopes to accomplish...
The National Marriage Boycott is a student-driven movement to urge President Obama to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). Participants pledge on to boycott marriage until DOMA is repealed. This movement is inclusive: members of the LGBT community, allies, and even heterosexual married couples, have signed the pledge and now wear an equality ring on their left ring finger. The equality ring serves not only as a symbol of the pledge, but also to increase visibility of the marriage equality issue. Married couples participating in the National Marriage Boycott have shown their support by either replacing their wedding rings with an equality ring, or by wearing the equality ring next to their wedding band.

2.) How did it get started?
The National Marriage Boycott was created in November 2008 at Stanford University in response to the passage of Proposition 8. Recruitment of other schools began in the spring of 2009. We currently have chapters forming at more than ten other institutions including: UCLA, UCSB, University of Idaho, UCSD, SDSU, Pomona College, Columbia, Wesleyan, Boston University, Williams, and several high schools.

3.) How does this differ from Levi's "White Knot" movement, or any of the other AIDS-ribbons/Livestrong bracelet types that are out there?
The fundamental difference between the "White Knot" and the National Marriage Boycott is that those boycotting marriage are making a personal sacrifice by refusing to participate in a discriminatory institution. Additionally, the National Marriage Boycott, although open to anyone willing to fight for LGBT rights, is a student-driven movement. We are campus-based and hope to be the platform from which student voices can be heard. Although there are some differences, both the "White Knots" and National Marriage Boycott movements do the important work of creating visibility for the marriage equality issue, and we look forward to working with them in the future.

4.) This seems like something college kids would support because marriage isn't imminent. What kind of feedback have you gotten from straight married couples?
The straight married couples in support of LGBT rights, whom we have spoken to, have been excited about this campaign. The main reason is that the National Marriage Boycott provides a space for allies to take an active role in working towards LGBT rights. Although we only launched in the spring of 2009, notable boycotters already include former California congresswoman Sally Lieber and "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" activist Lt. Dan Choi.

5.) A lot of people I know don't even take off their wedding bands to shower, work out or sleep. Does it seem realistic to expect people to remove the one item that means so much to them, even if they support the cause?
Ultimately, many married couples have told us that their marriages have been tarnished by the way the institution is currently being used to blatantly discriminate against members of the LGBT community. Married couples, including same-sex couples, have been showing their support and dedication to LGBT rights by either replacing their wedding ring with an equality ring or by wearing the equality ring next to their wedding ring.

6.) Wouldn't it be more effective to have another symbol--say a bracelet--that has the same message? That seems to send a more pro-marriage-equality message along the lines of everyone should be able to wear wedding bands...
The most recognizable symbol of marriage is a ring worn on the left ring finger. A ring is also a symbol of a serious commitment, which is exactly what marriage boycotters are making. Finally, a ring placed where a wedding ring is traditionally placed is a great conversation starter.

7.) Although California recently had a big setback, same-sex marriage is moving along elsewhere. Why not leave it up to the states?
There are currently 1,138 federal rights associated with marriage that are denied to same-sex couples, even if they can get married at the state level. Furthermore, one's right to visit a spouse in the hospital should not change when one crosses a state border. This is our country and we oppose discrimination written into federal laws.

8.) If Obama were to go forward on repealing DOMA, it would cause him major headaches politically. Why should he take on the cause now, with the economy, two wars, environmental policy, healthcare, etc.
In the words of President Obama: "I support the complete repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) - a position I have held since before arriving in the U.S. Senate. While some say we should repeal only part of the law, I believe we should get rid of that statute altogether. Federal law should not discriminate in any way against gay and lesbian couples, which is precisely what DOMA does."
- Presidential candidate Barack Obama, 2008

This issue is bigger than marriage equality. According to the Trevor Project, an LGBTQ youth suicide prevention organization, gay (and questioning) youth are four times more likely to commit suicide than the national average. The repeal of DOMA is one step of many in moving towards social change, and it can't wait. We hope that by creating a visible, nation-wide movement committed to marriage equality, not only will our voices will be heard, but also, we hope that our strong, visible support will produce an environment where these kids feel safer and more supported.

9.) Have you gotten any negative feedback from the gay community? It seems like asking moderates to remove their wedding rings could cause more harm than good...
We have encountered little explicit negative feedback from the LGBT community. Not participating in the National Marriage Boycott in no way precludes a person from being an LGBT rights supporter. Rather, the National Marriage Boycott serves as an avenue for members of the LGBT and allied communities who want to do more than just vote on ballot initiatives; participants in the National Marriage Boycott are taking a more visible and active role in this movement, something that we've learned is necessary in the wake of the passage of Prop 8.

10.) Why black? It's the color of death, funerals, vampires and Goth kids...Couldn't you at least have gone with purple?
Our selection process for the marriage equality ring was based on a number of factors, but most importantly, we wanted a ring with a neutral appearance that participants would feel comfortable wearing regardless of gender, sexual orientation, or age.

For more information, or to join the NMB, check out the organization's website.

Comments

[rkm0619]

Isnt this whole movement to appease less than 3% of the population like altering the definition of an apple to include an orange? Because to thousands of years of precedence marriage is between one man and woman. A good point was made earlier, whats the difference between living with someone for years and marriage besides a piece of paper? I think civil unions that grant the exact same legal benefits as a marriage for same sex couples is the way to go. Then they get the legal benefits of marriage without being infringing upon the the institution of marriage.

[cminca]

Actually--for thousands of years it was about selling a wife to a man. Or selling multiple wives to a man. Or selling your daughter off to the highest bidder.

Is this the spirit that you are discussing?

The difference between living with someone for years and a marriage is the LEGAL IDENTIFICATION, rights and privledges that that "piece of paper" entitles the couple to.

Suppose you do set up civil unions that grant the exact same legal benifits. How long do you think it takes before a law, or a tax code, is enacted for "married" couples but not for civil unions? I'd guess a New York minute.

In the US the "institution of marriage" is infringing on the civil rights of the citizenry--the inherent right that all American citizens are equal under the law.

[cbonn]

There are many institutions that, after having been around for thousands of years, are re-evaluated and changed or eliminated. The first example that comes to mind is slavery; although slavery has been around pretty much since the dawn of history and in fact still exists in many countries (even if we in the West do not acknowledge it), Americans evaluated this institution and decided that it did not agree with our American values. One of the first and most important ideas in our Constitution is that all men (and women) are created equal; the "separate but equal" idea of civil unions does not harmonize with this basic American principle.

[Paul Mahood]

Civil unions are not enough. That is like saying: "you can get on the bus, but you have to sit in the back".
The difference in "living with someone for years and marriage" is not simply a "piece of paper". If my partner were to fall ill, I could be refused access to see him in the hospital. His family could even stop me from seeing him. There are inheritance and insurance considerations.

However, if you don't want people infringing on the institution of marriage then I suggest repealing divorce. I realize that would be a problem for people like Newt Gingrich and Rudy Giuliani with their multiple marriages but I would think that if your main concern is to protect marriage you could start working on that with the people who already have a right to it.

[Haleth]

Wow, what an exciting idea. I hope it becomes widespread enough to even reach me in Virginia. This could be great not just for repealing DOMA, but also for LGBT visibility everywhere!

[SteveDenver]

My sweet young neighbors aren't getting officially married until all their gay and lesbian friends have the same right, but they found out through his employer's insurance that the state took care of it for them: they're common-law spouses now.

Gays and lesbians can't get married, straight couples who co-habitate can't avoid it.

[LintLass]

*tearing up a bit. *

Allies.

Thank you.

[TJCole]

Someone should warn those kids that marriage is best avoided and that the survival rate and aftermath is much worse than fulfilling a cultural myth..

[SteveDenver]

Married people live 5-8 years longer than single people.

[audadvnc]

So if I divorce and remarry, do I get an additional 5-8 years each time?

Let's see, with 10 divorces, I could live to be ... 160 years old! But I'd still be broke...

[JumpDownTurnAround]

Thank God!

[wsun]

i'm in.

[dlimon]

Can someone tell me how I can get involved?

[Maria Thomas]

huff post always sends links usu. the blue words but here you go anyway

http://marriageboycott.ning.com/

[Bob Gillan]

http://www.whiteknot.org/

(Levis didn't create this, they are supporting the white knot movement)

[nmh]

Great job guys! It's good to see college students as national political leaders/activists! Way to create your own brilliant, timely, and relevant campaign and not just wait for some megacorp to tell us what to do.

keep it up!

[thisiscool]

This is cool, a new approach to helping the LGBT rights movement.

[bbheinz32]

What an exciting movement! Alexis is extremely articulate and obviously a leader in the struggle for equality. Congrats!

[nbonn]

This is a great organization. People should be able to marry who they want, regardless of where they live.

[clb151]

Oh wow this is exactly the kind of thing that needs to be going on in the LGBT movement today for allies!

[kseal]

This is exactly what the fight for LGBT equal rights has been waiting upon: a truly national organization committed to pursuing real change on the federal level.

I just created an account. This is a movement that I, for one, do not intend to be left out of.

[sands610]

I think this is an interesting idea. Growing up as a gay kid in Florida (not too long ago), I always thought everyone there was opposed me. It would have been nice to see equality rings all around school being worn by straight and gay kids alike. Even if this doesn't convince Obama to do anything, I think it could help a lot of struggling kids out there feel less isolated :)