In Which I Extend An Olive Branch to White Supremacists

07/20/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011


I was recently listening to a Fresh Air interview with Chip Berlet,a senior analyst for the independent think tank Political Research Associates (PRA) who has spent 25 years tracking extremist hate groups. I was taken aback when Bertlet told Terry Gross "there have been nine murders since the inauguration connected to the White Supremacy conspiracy theories."

The Holocaust Museum killing, the Pittsburgh police murders and the shooting of Dr. Tiller were front-page news, but I was unaware of the ugly events in Brockton and along the Arizonan border. (A nine-year-old girl? Good Lord.) Couple Bertlet's report "Toxic to Democracy" with the Department of Homeland Security's April release on the rise of right-wing extremism, and it appears to be heady times for violent white supremacists.

Coincidentally, I found out that, I too, had been the discussion amongst the Hitler-loving crowd.

I've decided to do something about it.

I bought a semi-automatic Glock 9mm. Bring it.

Okay, that's just a Dirty Harry fantasy. I don't even know if that's a real gun, considering most of my firearm knowledge is based on The Wire.

What I've decided to do, in true liberal peace-and-love fashion, is to reach out to my Caucasian brothers and sisters. I want to start a dialogue, bridge the gap, and find common ground. In the words of Danny Vineyard in American History X (possibly quoting some guy named Lincoln), "We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic cords of memory will swell when again touched as surely they will be by the better angels of our nature."

A quick back-story: When the website launched a few years ago, I wrote a piece entitled "The Connoisseur's Guide to Internet Anti-Semitism." It's self-explanatory, but go ahead and take a few minutes to peruse it, so we're on the same page. I'll wait.

One website I gave 4-stars to is the Vanguard News Network, a compendium of all things hate. At the time I wrote, "The anger permeating from the site is intimidating and I don't want to end up suiting up for the wrong squad in the upcoming race war." (And that still holds true, angry white people!)

A couple of months ago, I was Googling around and found that the Jewcy piece, and more specifically, its author, had been the focus of a hot-button VGG message board discussion. Unsettling? Yes. But once I stopped cowering, changed my boxers, and crawled out from under my bed, I decided to engage the message board posters, albeit from the friendlier online confines of the Huffington Post.

Here are a selection of legitimate posts (actual names were changed), and my responses to the questions, thoughts, comments, rants, and declarations of personal harm to a man who gets squeamish witnessing the violence in Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!


I realize that this may be a lost cause, but I believe it is only through an extension of the olive branch that we can come together as a people, a brotherhood united as one, directing our collective anger where it the French.

#1) Stan: Plane ticket to Billings: $68
Cab ride to this jackass' house: $14
Beating him until he calls me Jebus: Priceless

I like what you did there, Stan. Using a well-known advertising credit card campaign puts all of us television watchers on the same footing. Unfortunately, I don't live in Billings anymore, so it would be a waste of your money. A travel aside: I'm not sure what ticket broker you're using, but $68 is a steal. Do you still go to a travel agent, or was that from Orbitz? Also, I wouldn't rely on the taxi trade in the Magic City, it's notoriously unreliable. If you'd like to visit me, I, naturally, moved to New (Jew!) York City. My father still lives in B-Town and has the same name, so please don't mix us up. If you can find me in Manhattan, I'll call you Jebus right off the bat, and then take you out for a slice and an egg cream. Please be aware Stan, Dr. Sauer, is a graying older pediatrician who brings white babies into the world and cares for them, so giving him an Edward Norton-style curb-stomping could hinder your Montana recruitment efforts for years to come.

#2) Yankee Jim: The guy's actually kinda a pathetic sort of way.

Thanks Jim...Kinda pathetically funny beats "race-traiting scumbag nigger-loving' homo" any day of the week! I think we have some common ground to work with here, although as a Mets fan, we probably shouldn't watch the Subway Series together. LOL!

#3) Anonymous: "... I work in the media..." Yes Pat, and if you want to continue to do so, in the brief time that's left for your master, you better continue such bias and narrow coverage of White Nationalism. Otherwise, say bye-bye BMW, Corporate American Express card and $300 dinners with trendy bisexual Pilipino girls -- it'll be the Burger King management training center for you, a SEARS card, a used Jetta, along with just a decent middle class White girl (!!!!).

Well anonymous, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised to learn that the "trendy bisexual Pilipino girls" never looked my way, so I opted for a middle class White girl who used to work at SEARS (!!!!).

Who was it? I think it was Upton Sinclair. He said 'Its hard get a man to understand something, when he's being paid not to understand it'.

Funny, Anonymous, I would never have though to link my future position at Burger King with the author of The Jungle. Sinclair is a good choice though, always steal from the best. The exact quote you're looking for is, "it's hard to get a man to understand something when his salary depends on his not understanding it."

We should start an Upton Sinclair book club; I'd love to get your thoughts on his numerous unsuccessful bids for higher office as a member of the Socialist Party.


#4) Oy Ze Hate: FUCK YOU PAT! You're just another urinalist in the [K]ikez media toilet. And when the jew goez... so do yew!

Urinalist! Yew got me good there. I'm going to use that one, But I'm no plagiarist, Oy Ze Hate. You will get full credit. Now if you'll excuse me, I just got a text from Rahm Emanuel. It's time for my afternoon pee.

#5) Anonymous: Notice how the schmuck calls his seeking the "finest WHITE WHINES" on the Internet"? Doesn't that seem to lend legitimacy to all the hateful lies we tell? We're just whining, instead of taking our demise like like him. Whine whitey whine. The reds are coming to get you. The RED SWINE....We're honored, blogboy. Thanks for all the attention.

From one blogboy to another, don't mention it. Although...the use of the word "schmuck" tells me that there's some Hebrew floating through your blood. Your RED blood. You're secret safe with me, Comrade.

#6) Banjo Billy: (:rolleyes) Pretty cheesy.......BUT........That article would def be enough to make someone interested in coming here and checking us out. These Antis never catch on to the fact that all he is doing is sending folks here who will see how intelligent our arguments are. What an asswipe.

Perhaps, Mr. Banjo, directing "Antis" to your "intelligent arguments" was my surreptitious goal in the first place? You ever think of that? Or, is my duplicity blowing your white-hooded head as we speak?

(Note: That wasn't my goal, but I hate being labeled an "asswipe" without due diligence.)

#7) Aherne: This Shabbas Goy is merely kissing Jewish ass in order to sell one of his screenplays to the kikes.

This hits too close to home. Moving right along....


#8) Brutus: I find his ancestry odd, to say the least. How could anyone be Irish with a German (that is JEWISH) name (meaning "bitter"). As other fellow goys, he's trying to appear he's one of us and everything he says is just "constructive criticism". Jews need such people to legitimate their own claims and then argue they come from our own camp. Do you notice how in his article he always bows down to authority. He never says we are wrong, merely he's trying to keep the distance from a losing side. I guess this is all that he understands about our struggle: a couple of losers pissing against the wind. What a schmuck!!!

Again with the schmuck? Bist meshegah? Chamoyer du ainer! Hock mir nisht en chinik!

#9) Rounder: What most of these types underestimate is the globally growing rage. They don't understand that when White Nationalists do indeed take over, that they themselves will be summarily executed for their public statements against us...They are more apt to listen to their frightened wives who are more concerned with having food on the table today, then the real possibility that their children will be slaughtered by the beasts tomorrow. Right now, they have income, homes and football. If they join us, they will put all of that in jeopardy.

Wait! What? White Supremacists don't like football? Well, duh. No wonder you're movement remains in the shadows. Americans love football! I love football! In fact, I think "slaughtered by the beasts tomorrow" should be the new tagline for Sunday Night Football. How great would that sound coming out of John Madden's voice?

#10.) Playfair: How pathetic is a Goy when they are not of Jewish blood and write for a place called I would be hard pressed to believe that a site so obviously Jewish would hire an Irish man....This clown is a Kike plain and simple.

The jig is up.

I've been exposed. It's time to stop living a lie, to dump out the Jameson and pour a glass of Manischewitz.

I hate to leave it like this, though. I feel like we're making progress...

White Supremacists, whenever you're ready to come together, I'll be waiting with open arms.

Or, if you prefer, one arm in a Seig Heil! salute.


I leave you with one final thought, my gift to you, in hopes of bringing us together as one.

"Ain't no party like the Neo-Nazi party, because the Neo-Nazi party don't stop."

(Happy Hitler courtesy of