10/03/2005 01:30 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Georgie and the Truth Fairy

So that’s how it works in the Bush White House ---

Harriet Miers is in charge of finding the very best person to fill Sandra Day O’Connor’s seat on the Supreme Court – and who does she find? Harriet Miers!

Dick Cheney is tasked with searching the length and breadth of America for the best person to be candidate Bush’s running mate – and lo and behold, who does he suss out like a prize truffle but … Dick Cheney?

Joe Allbaugh, Bush’s 2000 election national campaign director, goes hunting for someone to replace him as head of the downgraded FEMA – and who does he turn up but the next-best thing to himself, his old pal and sock-puppet clone Michael Brown? If it’s good enough for Allbaugh, it’s good enough for Bush, and ‘’Brownie’’ – surname ‘’Nosie’’ – is anointed.

In the closed system that is Planet Bush, someone is ‘’a good man’’ because the ``good man’’ assures Bush that he is.

It’s a child’s circular logic, and it would be just as harmless if it were confined to the Tooth Fairy. Alas for the rest of us, Bush believes in the Truth Fairy. [And why shouldn’t he? He lost an election, and the Truth Fairy still left the White House under his pillow.]

The Bush administration decides what it wants to be true – and then cuts away everything that doesn’t fit, or that gets in the way of its conclusions. "Of course I didn’t get into the cookie jar [Crumbs on my face? What crumbs? What face? I don’t know how to open a cookie jar. I don’t believe I even know what a ’cookie jar’ is.'']

"We know for a fact there are WMD stockpiles in Iraq. [The Duelfer report says there weren’t? Who’s Duelfer? Why should we believe him?] We know Al Qaeda and Saddam worked together on 9/11. [They didn’t? Al Qaeda isn’t in Iraq? Well, of course they are – see? We had to start this war to get them there, but here they are, fighting us in Iraq, so obviously they’re in Iraq!]''

Creationism is true because we want it to be, Social Security needs changing because it serves our interests to make people believe it does, and global warming isn’t real because we don’t like the people who say it is. Besides, how can there be global warming if we still have to wear sweaters sometimes? Huh? Answer me that, Mister Smarty-Pants Scientist! Because I'm the president,and you're not, that's why.