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God to Tebow: "Busy Selecting a Candidate in Texas, Confused Tom for Tim"

Posted: 01/15/12 07:32 PM ET

In a message intercepted by the national security agency, God told Tim Tebow that he was so busy this weekend talking to his people in Texas deciding who, among those he had told to run, should be the Republican presidential candidate that he just confused "Tom" with "Tim".

"Tim, it was an honest, predictable mistake", wrote the Lord of the Universe, "Tom, after all, was the Patriot".

Although recognizing that God works in mysterious ways, Tebow prayed on it, asking Jesus why the score had to be so lopsided. "He wanted to be certain it was not decided by a 'Hail Mary'", said Jesus. "Between you, me and Pat Robertson, he was tired of mom getting all the credit".

Tebow's loss and the anointing of Rick Santorum threw the Republican nomination process into turmoil. God's plan, it had seemed, had been to select a candidate this weekend in Texas, in the quiet rooms Republicans like for discussing things such as the economy, enabling Santorum to make the South Carolina primary close and then, with seconds to go before January 21, a victorious Tebow was to endorse Santorum for banning contraception, thus getting Santorum to paydirt.

But, that can no longer work. Santorum cannot be endorsed by a losing Tebow.

For the Republicans, It is now on to Plan B.

Perhaps that was God's plan all along?

 

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In a message intercepted by the national security agency, God told Tim Tebow that he was so busy this weekend talking to his people in Texas deciding who, among those he had told to run, should be the...
In a message intercepted by the national security agency, God told Tim Tebow that he was so busy this weekend talking to his people in Texas deciding who, among those he had told to run, should be the...
 
 
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03:47 PM on 01/16/2012
Tebow's the first to say that God doesn't care who wins football games, so this article doesn't work, as humor needs a basis in truth.
At every game he spends a lot of time with sick and disabled people that he brings in to offer them hope and inspiration, so I'd say he probably has a better perspective on what's important and what isn't than most. You can disagree with his religion if you want - or criticize his throwing motion - but check out the below link and see if you still want to bash him as a person.

http://espn.go.com/espn/story/_/id/7455943/believing-tim-tebow
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Paul Abrams
09:33 PM on 01/16/2012
I know. He does good works. You should see how protestant ministers, however, make something out of his looking or pointing skyward after a game.
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saami
Cranky old lady
02:38 PM on 01/16/2012
God to Tebow, I'm busy at the tone leave a message.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
ron ray
mad as heck moderate who won't take it much longer
01:06 PM on 01/16/2012
or as they say in new england, tim tebow prayed 'God, let me win this game.' and tom brady replied, 'sorry, god plays for the patriots.'
12:45 PM on 01/16/2012
Too funny. Too bad many people won't get the joke, however...
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Nosybear
Liar, damned liar and statistician
12:35 PM on 01/16/2012
Given both an Old Testament view of how God interacts with his chosen and the results of Saturday's mismatch between Denver and New England, one has to ask what was Tebow's sin.
01:36 PM on 01/16/2012
False pride and using the Holy Father's name in vain foor starters?
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saami
Cranky old lady
02:38 PM on 01/16/2012
YES!
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
12:23 PM on 01/16/2012
Hilarious post. Thanks!
12:03 PM on 01/16/2012
It's weird this is under the comedy section. I am still waiting to laugh!! No wonder I've never heard of you before.
02:53 PM on 01/16/2012
LOL, I agree, a wasted click.
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ChiBloger
And the truth shall set us ALL free
11:55 AM on 01/16/2012
Funny that in a world where human trafficking is on the rise, natural disasters ravage communities world wide, war in the middle east are a constant and the 1% are destroying the future for 99% of many nations, that God even has a minute for the right wingers golden boy to win a meaningless football game over other Christians? This from a big football fan mind you.
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Hellova Stoner
I throw stones
09:03 AM on 01/16/2012
"And God said: hold up on the world suffering, I am watching football"
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shankapotomus
Hold on "Day One" is coming.
09:48 AM on 01/16/2012
No that was Obama.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
cheryl tobin
Alpha Dog with my pack!
09:57 AM on 01/16/2012
Please God stop watching football all the time and get back to work.
07:32 AM on 01/16/2012
We joke about this, but with his strange religious posturing Tebow is actually sending an entire generation of young people some very unhealthy messages:
-- That it's OK to buy into religion despite religion's horrible record of bringing war, oppression and backwardness to humankind.
-- That it's OK to believe things that are very unlikely under natural laws and are not substantiated by any credible evidence whatsoever.
-- That it's OK to go along with authoritarians who tell you to believe something, no matter how unlikely their message is.
Of course, what's worse is that many supposedly responsible people in our society also have jumped on the religion bandwagon, for personal or commercial reasons, and sensible discussions of these issues are very rare. It's really not surprising that America is sliding backward academically and economically, and it's likely to continue unless the U.S. gives up its 19th Century religious ideas and religion-based policies, and begins acting like a developed nation.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Hellova Stoner
I throw stones
09:01 AM on 01/16/2012
Trydecency for President! - Literally....
03:33 PM on 01/16/2012
Take two days off from smoking pot and you may think differently, just 2 days.
jack27
Freethinker
09:22 AM on 01/16/2012
F&F! It can't be said any better, and it isn't said often enough.
07:29 AM on 01/16/2012
Brady 45:10
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Ann Oid
10:41 AM on 01/16/2012
If that isn't printed on T-shirts in the next few days, someone is missing a huge opportunity!
jdrourke
Snark is good for the soul...
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Abdul Nabi
Some zingers are funny, some aren't
05:47 AM on 01/16/2012
God to Tebow and Football Fans - "Given how y'all have screwed up the world so bad, especially these Tea Drinkers, Baggers, whatever, that are using my name to justify their ignorance (and making my job that much more harder, and ruining my brand), you think I have time to worry about some stupid game? There are real problems to deal with that would give any deity a major headache"
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Bishop999999999
04:28 AM on 01/16/2012
I know that making fun of religion generally gets you a free pass to post whatever you want around here, but this really doesn't make any kind of sense.
09:24 AM on 01/16/2012
I totally agree
12:59 PM on 01/16/2012
He chooses to wear it on his sleeve. Many people on these posts attack one personally as a "religion/Jesus hater" just for criticizing his playing. I have strong religious beliefs, but find the article hilarious.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
JewishPhysician
fraternity, trust, discourse
02:46 AM on 01/16/2012
Tebow for senate but only if you want to design a building on the first yard line of the Jets Stadium.
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shadenelkhatib
01:49 AM on 01/16/2012
CAn't wait for late night comedy to get on this....come on monday!