An old definition of the word learn, is to welcome. What actually happens when we simply welcome a guest knocking on our door? One response would be that a kindly greeting is offered and we are open to receive the visitor. There is also some anticipation of a favorable experience, maybe fun, entertainment, amiability or lively conversation. Let' s look at what it means to translate learning into an experience of welcome, offering a kind greeting and anticipating a favorable encounter.
Anticipating a Favorable Encounter
Entertaining a novel view can be a threat to the ego. It's important to make some modifications to the ego's attachment to being an expert and abhorrence to being a novice. There are at least four conditions that avail themselves to anticipating something favorable occurring when we welcome a new perspective knocking at the door.
*Faith - If our educational experience was laced with shame and feeling inferior, we will likely be challenged to hold the faith that welcoming a new focus will be rewarding. Fear of being wrong will create a shroud of bad faith. Rekindling faith means accepting ourselves as students, holding some approximation of the truth that is indicative of the human condition rather that a statement of our inferiority.
*Curiosity - This suggests that who we are and what life is about is worth being interested in. Such a belief is an act of intimacy. We want to draw closer to the journey and closer to the 'I' who makes the sojourn.
*Courage - "To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. Not to dare is to lose oneself." (Soren Kierkegaard) Kierkegaard reminds us that when we respond to the knock on the door, we are daring to encounter the unknown. Some new viewpoint may call us away from the comfort of the familiar. It takes courage to remain exploratory.
*Humility - Continuing to welcome (learn) calls for an acceptance of limits in the face of the vastness of the nature of truth. There is also less fascination with being the one who knows, but rather more interest in the one who creates an abiding capacity to welcome, to learn.
What To Welcome
At its most vital level, learning is personal and intimate. As indicative of all personal endeavors, the question of what we want to learn needs to guide what we welcome. It means there is an opportunity to get closer to ourselves and to life. Learning is an act of love, which is reflected in the colloquial expression, "I learned it by heart". In choosing to get closer to ourselves, we reflect the Socratic prompting of living a self-examined life. Let's look at why a welcome to the self may be a significant starting place, remaining mindful that a genuine welcome entails receiving kindly.
Welcoming The Self
*Known and loved - We want to be known and loved. The key is to accept that the primary responsibility for being known and loved belongs to us. When we give the responsibility to others, we employ endless strategies aimed at impressing and gaining the approval of others. We certainly can enjoy being known and loved by others, but the primary responsibility belongs to us. If we don't claim it, we struggle to find the peace and comfort of being at home with ourselves.
*Diminished Victimization - A fervent welcome to ourselves reveals how we construct our lives. We get to see areas of self-sabotage and where we blame others for our situations, leaving us being their victims. One of the gifts of welcoming the self is that often what comes with the welcome are more options. We become freer. As feeling victimized lifts, so does an investment in punishing the alleged perpetrator. We are less driven by a need for revenge.
*Becoming Risk Receptive - Contrary to popular belief, no one is actually afraid of taking a risk. What we fear is how cruel we will be to ourselves if the risk has unfavorable consequences. When we receive the risk-taker with a welcome, holding appreciation for the courage involved and the lack of guarantee regarding outcome, being risk adverse diminishes. We begin to accept that being fully alive involves taking risks and how we treat ourselves determines how eager we are to take risks and be fully alive.
*Enhanced Integrity - The clearer we become about our values and beliefs, the more opportunity we have to act in some integrated way, where our actions reflect our values. Our behavior begins to reflect what we truly cherish. Integrity is not possible when we either don't know our values or we are living by someone else's values.
*Stories and the Story-Maker - As we welcome ourselves, we become more familiar with the stories we generate about ourselves, others and the endless events we partake in and witness. We have an opportunity to quiet the voice of pride with its alleged proclamations to the truth. We become more accepting of carrying stories about this and that, which are not necessarily an accurate depiction of reality. But now, there is deep satisfaction in welcoming the story-maker. We come to know more clearly the biases, longings and loves. As the quixotic determination to penetrate ultimate truth diminishes, we take comfort and unveiling the soul of our own uniqueness.
*Creating an Observer - By the very nature of making the self a focus of our learning (welcome), we develop an observer who is witnessing the stories we create, emotions felt and actions taken. The inner observer makes unbridled reactions less likely. The observer can witness the emergence of urgency, and create a needed pause. With the suspension of immediate action, options are generated. When these options are accompanied by discernment, choices can be made reflecting a larger consideration of what is happening. We may act in a way not driven by fear, domination, acquiescence or withdrawal.
If learning is to be guided by anticipation of a favorable encounter, then there must be a resiliency to cope with the darker learnings such as betrayal, deceit, cruelty, and sadism, etc. Contrary to New Age pronouncements that mindfulness leads to an amplification of socio-economic status, the self-examined life simply brings us closer to ourselves, with a greater opportunity to live with integrity. The aim is not to achieve by current social standards. Nor is the goal to encourage the ego's sovereignty, but to become more cognizant of attempts to transcend the human condition. Our quest is to become all more familiar with our wounds and our gifts, welcoming the flawed human being we are, stumbling in the direction of enlightenment.