Okay, so let me get this straight. By striking a compromise that guarantees an "up or down vote" on three of President Bush's five controversial judical appointees, Democrats had somehow said that they were now also going to give the rubber stamp of approval to ALL of the President's appointees? Apparently that was the case if you see all the outrage and indignation coming from the Republicans over the Democratic delay of a vote on United Nations appointee John Bolton.
Many Republicans have always reminded me of professional WWF wrestlers. They come into the ring all pumped up and acting like they're invincible and that they're going to destroy their opponent. Then they get hit once and fall down and roll around in agony and suddenly seem immobilized by pain, calling for the ref to intervene. In the ring, this display of injury usually allows their opponent enough time to pick them up by the hair and perform a pile driver on them. While the Democrats have hardly ever seemed able of late to follow through with the pile driver on a "wounded" Republican, it's this mock indignation and outrage from the Right every time they get hit with any roadblock or accusation of ill that makes them come off, well ... kinda like a bunch of crybabies. C'mon, you guys. Toughen up a bit. I know it must be in the conservative playbook somewhere to defend yourself through the use of total sputtering indignation, but it's sort of making you look like a bunch of sore losers. Especially when you're not really losing.
My solution to the whole problem is this: Let John Bolton have the gig. I know, I know, this sounds like heresy to any of us who like the UN. But here's my thinking: Maybe Bolton will have a sort of "Local Hero" experience, in which he comes in to his new job ready to get rid of the place but then the plucky residents wear him down with their homespun charms. Maybe Bolton will stumble into a local UN watering hole and suddenly find himself having the time of his life doing a karaoke duet of "Love Lift Us Up" with the French ambassador. Perhaps he'll get invited to a birthday party for the German ambassador and end up at a sleepover with the envoys from Syria, Russia, and Saudi Arabia, where they'll share their deepest secrets and then end up pledging blood-brotherhood to each other. Who knows? Maybe he'll even end up getting stuck between floors in an elevator with the ambassador from Iran where they'll spend their time together discussing their favorite new bands and find that their mutual love of the Black Eyed Peas will help forge a new understanding between them.
Or perhaps he'll have a "Christmas Carol" type experience, in which he's visited by the ghosts of the UN Past, Present, and Future. Boutros Boutros-Ghali will take Bolton back in time to his younger days at Yale, in which he'll see for himself that a canceled date to the Spring Fling Dance by the beautiful secretary-general of the Model UN made him suddenly distrust the world. Kofi Annan will show up and take him around to see the present day ambassadors back in their home countries, unable to sleep at the thought of him coming in and closing the place down. And then Bill Clinton will appear to show him the future of the UN, in which China is the most powerful member and the US keeps interupting the proceedings to hold yet another group prayer. And then John Bolton will wake up screaming and see that he still has time to change his ways and then throw open his window and toss a farthing down to a young aide and tell him to buy the biggest goose in the butcher's window to take to the annual UN Summertime Sock Hop.
Or maybe he won't. Come to think of it, maybe the Democrats should just keep holding things up. The guy does seem kinda scary.