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Worst Week Ever: Republicans Unhinged
When Republicans suffered a disastrous beating in November's election, it would have been fair to assume that things could not get worse for them: the-most-liberal-Senator was to be president, Nancy-Pelosi-from-San-Francisco was going to lead a massive Democratic majority in the House, and assorted socialists were going to run things. That was bad, yes, but this week, just like the stock market (funny how that goes), Republicans hit yet a new low. In recent days, Republican leaders were called cheesy, off-putting, disastrous, untrustworthy, and inconsequential, not by Democrats, but by their party's own members, from high-profile commentators to Governors.
The highlight of the GOP week was, of course, Governor Bobby Jindal's response to Barack Obama's Congressional address. The best that can be said for Jindal's performance is that it channeled Kenneth the Page from 30 Rock, presumably not the objective, even for someone who willingly changed his name to "Bobby." But the past seven days have offered so many moments of breathtaking inanity by the GOP that our head spins at trying to organize them cohesively. With the country on the verge of being swallowed up in its entirety by the spiraling economy, Republicans obsessed over Obama's citizenship, gay people, pregnant women with HIV, helicopters, primary challenges to their own Senators from porn stars and Christian fundamentalists, registration forms, hopeless recounts, and assorted variations on the 1981 theme of "Government Is The Problem."
In Alabama, Senator Richard Shelby took it upon himself to try to fan the fires set by Republican psychopaths, including Clarence Thomas: Obama is not really American because, Shelby said, he had "not seen any birth certificate." It is quite understandable that Shelby would want to detract our attention from the fact that he chaired the Senate Committee on Banking (!), Housing (!!) and Urban Affairs from 2003 to 2007, but in the end it only serves to increase the focus on the tragic consequences of his ineptitude. On the subject, John McCain this week became preoccupied with the order for a new presidential helicopter fleet, ordered by George W. Bush and, no surprise, dreadfully mismanaged. And, since McCain still can't chew gum and walk, this is now his sole obsession, a "good idea" that would "cost taxpayers an enormous amount of money," making it sound as if building Marine One was somehow akin to, say, the New Deal. Or perhaps akin to testing pregnant women for HIV or extending health care benefits to the partners of gay and lesbian government workers, both of which were decried this week by Republicans in the Colorado Senate because: a) pregnant women with HIV (or is just pregnant women?) are promiscuous and their unborn children should not be protected "from the negative consequences of their actions;" b) homosexuality is murder.
Other Republican nut jobs, convinced that the party lost power because it was too rational, moderate and accommodating, are circling like vultures. In Louisiana, Senator David Vitter, himself a right-wing madman, realized this week that he will likely face a dual primary challenge: by porn star Stormy Daniels (it is still unclear whether she -and we assume it is a she-- was involved in Vitter's pay for sex diaper play, but let's not rule it out); and by Family Research Council Tony Perkins, who is as sexually obsessed as Vitter, and is probably even more insane. Another barmy Republican, Sen. Jim Bunning of Kentucky, whom his Republican colleagues are desperate to get rid of (yes, he is that cuckoo), has threatened to sue his own National Republican Senatorial Committee if they do not support his reelection in 2010. This week, he also said of the head of the Committee: "I don't believe anything John Cornyn says."
The ostensible new leader of the Republican National Committee, Michael "Hip Hop" Steele, also thinks that the party has veered way too far left, this week leaving open the possibility that the three moderate GOP Senators who voted for the Obama stimulus package could face retribution. "Oh, yes, I'm always open to everything, baby, absolutely," he told an interviewer when asked whether he may withdraw funds from those Commie Republicans ("Baby?" It was on Fox News, but still). Is it any wonder that moderates everywhere are mulling party changes? Mortified by his Republican colleagues, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger this week made sure we realized that he had recently considered leaving the party, although why he did not is unclear. At the same time, New York City Republicans (sounds weird, no?) also took steps to remain out of power forever by refusing to support Mayor Michael Bloomberg's bid for a third term, unless he becomes a card-carrying Republican. Again.
Other GOP members don't bother leaving the Party, they just assault it from the inside. Some do it subtly, such as once-lifelong bachelor Gov. Charlie Crist of Florida, who said this week that there is "a national leader, his name is President Obama," clearly meaning there are no Republican leaders. Gov. Jon Huntsman of Utah also gave us a sense of how low his GOP has sunk, saying of the party's Congressional leaders: "I don't listen or read whatever it is they say because it is inconsequential -- completely." This is not from a strange leftover Vermont Republican, it is from the Governor of the most consistently Republican state in the country. In New Hampshire, former Senator Bob Smith, an early victim of the state's leftward tilt, is also intent on destroying any comeback for his Republican party in the state. This week, he appeared to threaten to move back from Florida to New Hampshire (one more sign of his madness if any was needed) to challenge his Republican nemesis, former Sen. John Sununu, himself humiliated just this November in his reelection effort (all very complicated for a small party in a small state.) Not even their favorite cheerleader/pundit Stuart Rothenberg's irrational prediction that "2009 and 2010 could be the beginning of a rebound for the party in the Northeast" (ha!) is likely to save Republicans from their cannibalistic instinct.
That said, Republicans are not only molesting one another. Yes, they are powerless against Obama or Pelosi, but they have shifted their time and money to a Democratic threat even bigger, or at least one they think they have a shot at: Al Franken, who won his challenge to Minnesota Sen. Norm Coleman by a slim margin. Coleman, who has already taken a new job but actually seems to want to remain a Republican, this week called for a do-over, and Republicans everywhere are throwing money at his challenge to the November election. From an electoral perspective, it is not entirely clear why, however. Republicans are busy trying to kick out the three Northeastern GOP moderate Judases from the Senate (and surely they know they don't have a shot at replacing them with anything but a Democrat, whatever Rothenberg may hope for), but they are fighting tooth and nail to keep the Minnesota moderate? The truth is, of course, that the GOP's Minnesota focus has to do with the fact that Franken is the author of Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot and that Limbaugh, besides being a big fat drug-addled idiot, is also the actual leader of the Republican Party in 2009. Presumably this would explain why Republicans, to their dying breath, are fighting the slanderous Franken. In return, they can expect various favors to be bestowed by the head big fat idiot, and even be saved from political death. "I love Bobby Jindal [...] he's brilliant," Limbaugh said this week, in what is sure to be the Republicans' determining verdict on Jindal's very Bobby-ish performance.
With the sweet smell of defeat lingering in Republican Washington, three of the party's biggest losers are back. Tom DeLay, run out of the capital because even by its standards he was woefully corrupt, called Obama's Congressional address "the most irresponsible, hypocritical speech I have ever witnessed." This from the man who blamed the Columbine shootings on "school systems [teaching] our children that they are nothing but glorified apes who have evolutionized [sic] out of some primordial soup of mud." Speaking of irresponsible, hypocritical, primordial and muddy, Newt Gingrich is also back and you will be stunned to hear that he is "disappointed" with Obama's performance so far. Mitt "Who Let The Dogs Out" Romney, who drained $100 million on a creepy presidential campaign, this week decided to come to the financial rescue of embattled Republicans who are "standing up for fiscal responsibility and saying no to spending abuse" (ie, the stimulus package). Yes, that's right, the man who spent $400,000 per delegate in the Republican primary is proudly lecturing others about fiscal responsibility. Any moment now, we expect Rudy Giuliani, who outdid Romney by spending $59 million for just one delegate, to share some of his own financial wisdom, probably spicing it up with his usual light-handed touch of 9/11 doomsday.
In just seven days, Republicans have offered up more amusement and fodder for an election campaign than even the most hopeful among us could have expected. What is especially thrilling is that it comes at little expense: Obama is competently in charge, as are, by and large, Democrats elsewhere, and change is happening at a mind-blowing pace. In the long run, yes, there should be concern that having buffoons in opposition is not healthy, but for now let's enjoy the moment. Of course, you ask, what about Sarah Palin, one of the likely buffoons-in-chief in 2012? Well, her very serious documentarian took charge of her faltering public relations this week. He went on national television to tell us emphatically that she is not a "moron."
It is interesting that Sanford's point behind this demonstration -- staged in front of the South Carolina statehouse almost four years ago -- was to symbolize obstructionism.
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What an utterly brilliant and hilarious article, I never thought that I would be laughing so hard at the GOP's crash and burn saga and ongoing implosion. They seem to embrace stupidity, poor judgment and hypocrisy, the depth of which is indescribable (though you did an excellent job!!)
Future Republicans, please read this before you decide your political affiliation!
Republicans have been "unhinged" since about last agust, when they started to worry that, unlike them, evey white person in America wasnt treating Barrak Obama as the new Jesse Jackson. On the night of Nov. 4 it became apparent they are completely out of their minds. I expect them to get a lot worse before we can get better.
Great post, right on the mark! Funny, too.
Someone get me some popcorn...This is like watching reality tv!!! Loved the article...how sweet it is!!!
Wonder if they'll be watching even more porn than they were before now that things aren't going their way.... since they can't spend all of their time ruining this country now they'll have a lot of time on their hands.
I totally agree that the Republican Party is imploding. As a rebuplican, it saddens me. Someone should tell Rush Limbaugh that we republicans already have an elephant as our national symbol; he should step aside. I recently wrote an article in which I asked all the racist to removed themselves from the Rebuplican party. To mask themselves as conservatist (Rush) is just wrong. Michael Steele should be ashamed of himself for apologizing to the bonehead. Bobby Jindal who up until recently, I believed to be an intelligent leader, has now proven himself utterly stupid and lacking in any comon sense. Then the ultimate kick in the stomach was the suggestion that Sarah Palin could somehow emerge as our party's leader. This has all been like nails on a chalk board. The only intelligence I have heard from any republican leader came from the mouth of the governor of California (thanks, Arnold). I hope the members of my party get a clue soon or those of us who are young enough to understand what our party needs will just have to seperate ourselves from the boneheads.
WE NEED TO RUN AS RONALD REAGAN CONSERVATIVES. WHEN REAGAN RAN FOR REELCETION HE CARRIED EVERY STATE EXCEPT MINNESOTA WHERE THAT FAR LEFT DEMOCRAT WAS FROM. THAT SHOULD TELL REPUBLICANS SOMETHING.
This is an excellent piece. Right up there with Frank Rich.
Please GOP, eat thyself!
wow-- you really could not make this sh*t up--
the worst part about it is the big earmark money grab over the $$ that they vehemently opposed
the operative word here is HYPOCRISY
As the world goes to hell in a handbasket, at least I am entertained by the implosion of the republican party and the posts on here. This is better than T.V.!!
Wow, the GOP bench just gets shorter and shorter. I guess now it's up to Huckabee to save the party from itself.
Hilarious take-down of the wingnuts, Paul. Thanks. :)
I've been saying for three years that we were watching the death throes of the far right, and this is just further proof that they are now relegated to the history books.
Dream on... when you look at the population vs. the philosophy of both parties, the country remains center-right. The GOP is re-org-ing as the Dems did after the John Kerry follies...
What makes you think the country is center-right? This center-right myth came up last November, and ThinkProgress demonstrated it to be false. See the info here:
http://pr.thinkprogress.org/2008/11/pr20081106/index.html
Some highlights:
Only 25 percent of the public agrees with making Bush's tax cuts permanent.
The public also agrees by 58 percent to 35 percent that the government should guarantee "health insurance for all citizens even if it means raising taxes."
60 percent of voters were worried about rising health care costs and that 66 percent of those people backed Obama.
A majority of Americans also want to expand environmental protections, increase the minimum wage, recognize same-sex marriage, and end the Iraq war.
You dream on. You did not get the message of the election.
Those left in the Republican Party are so out of touch with where the voters are, you comments make me think you are part of the crazies. The current Republican Party is made up of old white southern men, rich folks who just want the tax cuts, religious zealots, racists and war hawks. If you think any of them is going to convert those who voted for Obama, you really are the one dreaming.
Which group best describes you?
IN THE MID TERM ELECTIONS IF OBAMA KEEPS FALLING IN THE POLLS AS PEOPLE REALIZE HE HAS NO LEADERSHIIP ABILITY REPUBLICANS WILL THROW OUT LOTS OF THESE SOCIALIST DEMOCRATS. NO PRESIDENT IN HISTORY HAS LOST POINTS AFTER 30 DAYS IN OFFICE. OBAMA JUST LOST 7 POINTS!!! AND HEADED DOWN AND DOWN......
Great article, Mr. Jenkins. I hope they are imploding. Good riddance to bad rubbish. I would like the conservatives to explain what indeed they have been "conserving" all these years. Was it our financial health? the budget? Was it our freedoms? Was it our Constitution? Was it the good of We The People? Please enlighten me on this-because all I can see is the country teetering on the brink after 30 years of their perspective and actions.
They believe in conserving the hierarchy. They would like to see a complete stagnation in social mobility.
PLEASE NOTE: Today's Republicans in Congress, the ones doing the whining and rants, plus Rush, Coulter, Palin etc, are NOT CONSERVATIVES! Any more than the Pelosis and Reids are actual Democrats! Look at your history, folks! Conservative means CONSERVE. Repubs were for SMALL govt. Democrats stood for HELPING middle and lower classes who needed help. Neither stood for nothing more than keeping themselves and their rich backers in power. NEITHER represents you or me any more! Both have moved to extremes. BOTH need reality checks! Sadly, it is the rest of us who are getting it.
Reed and Pelosi are Dems. We love them. You are really mistaken.
dont listen to hannity or limbaugh on what democrats like. seriously, i am a democrat and those hacks are lying to you. really, they are putting you on. democrats LOVE nancy pelosi, and i remeber how Harrry Reid stood up to republicans at the darkest moment of 2004.
It may be foolish and perhaps a bit premature, but I am going to go out on a limb and make a prediction. After reading the article again I am confident that the following shall come to pass: the midterm election will see the Democratic Party solidify gains made in 2008, the resurrection of the Whig Party and the Republicans relegated to a rump third party hooting from the back row. Ah, such dreams make life more enjoyable.
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