Happy Holidays: Military Divorce Numbers On the Rise

The holidays are usually a joyous time to spend with family and friends, sipping eggnog, trading presents, singing carols. But this year given the gloomy economic circumstances and ongoing wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, I'm reminded of a line from the holiday classic Christmas Vacation: "It's Christmas and we're all in misery."

For some military families, the stress of war has proven to be too much:

While 1st Lt. Mike Robison was serving in Iraq in 2003-04, his wife, Candance, depicted him as a "good, brave man"... But the marriage fell apart after Robison's return home to Texas. Candance said they argued over her role managing the household and how he treated her 10-year old daughter from a previous relationship.

"It absolutely changed him," Candance said of his deployment. "I still struggle every day--that year has affected every single aspect of my life."

Heartbreaking stories like the Robisons' are increasingly common. This week, new numbers from the Department of Defense confirm that the divorce rate among active-duty troops is rising.

But the new divorce figures don't tell the whole story. They fail to account for troops who divorce after leaving the military, the divorce rates of National Guardsmen and Reservists, or the number of marriages intact but in trouble. And no one is keeping track of the untold strain that frequent deployments are having on other relationships, including girlfriends, boyfriends, parents, siblings and children.

This shouldn't be a surprise to anybody. After seven years of war, America's military families are bearing an unprecedented burden. More than 600,000 troops have served more than one tour in Iraq or Afghanistan. Our troops are missing Christmases, birthdays, and wedding anniversaries -- often back to back. Picture spending this holiday season with a loved one deployed, and then imagine multiplying it by two, three, and sometimes four years in a row. Pretty crushing, right? The marathon deployment cycle is also contributing to higher rates of mental health injuries among troops, adding greater stress to already strained families. Nearly 20 percent of Iraq and Afghanistan veterans report symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder or major depression. All of this piles up and can create some rough times at kitchen tables in places like Fort Hood and Camp Pendleton.

And the current economy makes it worse. The economic situation is bleak for all American families, but for military families, it's even tougher. Foreclosure rates in military towns are increasing at four times the national average. The unemployment rate of Iraq and Afghanistan veterans who have left the active-duty military was over 8 percent in 2007, almost double the national average at that time. Confronted with the lack of civilian job prospects, more servicemembers are choosing to re-enlist, despite the threat of another tour overseas. Military recruiters might be the only people in America rooting against an economic recovery right now.

Until we reduce multiple deployments and provide adequate resources to troops transitioning home, military families will continue to struggle. Ensuring military families are properly taken care of will be one of the most pressing challenges facing the new administration. The president-elect and the First Lady must make military families a top priority. Michelle Obama has frequently promised to do just that.

President-elect Obama can begin to tackle this issue by naming his choice for VA Secretary soon -- a decision our military families and veterans have all been waiting for. There's lots of speculation out there about who it will be. But one thing's for sure: change is on everyone's list for Santa. A truly transformative leader heading the VA, with the full support of the president, would be a great thing for our military families to have under their Christmas tree this year.

 

Follow Paul Rieckhoff on Twitter: www.twitter.com/PaulRieckhoff

Comments

[camper65]

I have an easy solution to this problem - cut the size of the Armed Forces and bring the remainder home! Fewer members - fewer divorces. No deployments - fewer divorces. What could be simpler?

[DocInVA]

My husband was deployed in Desert Storm and his first marriage ended as a result of the injuries he suffered as well as the financial problems they had when he left the Army. It is a crime that our veterans are not provided with adequate care when they return. As a physician, I also have seen the PTSD of our returning reservists. My God, some were given Chantix for their PTSD, if they were lucky enough to receive treatment and not told they were faking to get out of duty.

Shame on you, GWB. You shattered the lives of so many.

[camper65]

So much for "...in sickness and in health...." Wonder if he would have done the same if the situation were reversed?

[AlienRep]

Being in the military challenges everything you believe at times. You can be a bible believer or of any faith and handed a gun and demanded to go kill someone. You can be torn apart from your family. Pretending like after a long deployment, you're coming home to a place that hasn't moved. Just waiting for you. Earth abides soldiers. The cost of fighting for your freedom is the same as fighting for a passion. Your married to it. Its nothing new ! Look in history books, you can be sure your spouse is getting fulfillment somewhere. In those difficult times for the soldier, they forge relationships that you'd never expect. Even with people of contrary beliefs while trying to save their butts in a foxhole. I think Military should be a profession. How do other creatures use its own kind in combat, and the roles delegated.

[jake106]

Not sure where you are going here....

[bascombe]

i hope that shinseki gets the job and a good budget. i suspect a lot of budgetary excuses from the Dems, as they contnue to pretend to be different from the repugs.

Good luck, Vets!

I'm pulling for you.

[quillsinister]

I'm a naval officer with about seven years of service. After I finished OCS, I married a woman I'd been with since we were teenagers. After four years of marriage, we divorced. I could say that her infidelity caused the divorce, but I couldn't even blame her for her affair. When I did the math, it turned out that I'd spent almost 75% of our marriage at sea. Three years out of four. That's two OIF deployments, anti-piracy ops in the Strait of Malacca and off the Horn of Africa, pre-deployment workups and sundry other reasons to get underway. My ex-wife is a brilliant, vibrant woman in her twenties who didn't sign up to be a nun or a housewife, and that's about all that can be said. I am deeply sorry for what I put her through.

We loved each other very much, but no marriage can survive with one partner in absentia. It is for this reason that I will not serve a full twenty years. I refuse to put another woman through this. The opportunity to command a ship and have a military pension wasn't worth the sacrifice of my marriage. Certainly not when the war in question was as fundamentally misguided as OIF. If I had actually been protecting the country from something, I could accept all of this as a necessary sacrifice for the greater good, but that hardly describes what I've been doing.

[bascombe]

thank you for that post. too many of us are not given the thoughts of those who serve, nor are we given the impression that those who serve are thoughtful.

Again, Thank you.

[schatsie]

you are absolutely right, out of respect for the soldiers and their families, the military needs to strengthen instead of aborting familes.

Other Countries, England and France have more vacation, 6 weeks instead of 4 weeks and then their tours are shorter...Imagine what it is like to serve next to people who serve 6 months and then go home for 12 months instead of serving 15 months...

And then they have healthcare paid for for their life, none of this going home with Gulf Syndrome and going bankrupt because of health care costs...

[camper65]

Shipmate, I did 22 years - 9 deployments plus workups and CQ trips. We married while I was in college. 42 years later, we'll still together, and still love and respect each other. Guess it all depends on who you marry!

[mamacat]

The consequences of PTSD need to continue to be brought to everyone's attention. A really understanding and compassionate spouse is not a luxury, it is an absolute necessity. Unfortuneately, many people just don't understand how badly war f**ks people up, including those who come through it without a single physical injury. (My Dad came out of WW II with PTSD, although they didn't call it that back then. He suffered with it all of his life.) Coming back to a society that doesn't have enough decent jobs is one more burden, and for some it is the straw that breaks their backs.

Many, if not most of the veterans, will eventually be able to return to reasonably normal lives, if they get the support they need. They will never, never, never forget what they experienced, but they may learn to live with it.

[jake106]

The military's medical resources ARE trying to get better at dealing with PTSD, but one of the major problems is that most of us don't admit we have a problem. You get back from Iraq, or Afghanistan, and they ask you these questions and you simply aren't interested in answering them.

No, I'm not angry all the time. (yes I am...)
No, I don't feel hostility towards others. (yes I do...)
No, I don't have nightmares. (every night)

It isn't always the military's­/governmen­t's fault. We, as the military members, have to be honest with ourselves, our families, and our medical providers. Otherwise, we will never receive help.

[glitz]

Paul..Great Post and keep the word out!! The National Press seems to drop Military issues..how long has it been since we have heard what is going on in Iraq or Afghanistan? You do a great job for the troops and their famililies, maybe now you will have an Administration that will listen. I know for a fact that Ric Shinseki will do all he can for vets, but any future undertaking will be not only forward, but cleanup.

[BigPictureReg]

Navy paraphrase­...."....I­f the Navy had wanted you to have a wife, they would have issued you one in your seabag....."

[glitz]

Not just Navy...Military wide. That has always been, I believe, part of the regulations!!! It takes hard work to make a strong military family under the best of circumstances. But under these levels of deployment..it takes more. I am a military brat and a career officer's wife through Korea and Viet Nam, plus tons of long TDY's and unaccompanied assignments..but what is going on now is criminal. In the past, when they left..we knew they were gone for the duration...not now, they are gone for however long, home for a short time, then gone again...over and over. No-one knows their role at home, nor do the wives know what they are getting at homecoming...

[bascombe]

I sincerely hope Obama rights this mess.

[jackwaddington]

Let's say it the way it is and stop all this cover. Military men are trained and paid to kill. There is nothing noble or honorable, on whatever pretext, about killing another human. PTSD is a natural normal outcome for any half way decent human being, as was testified by the Winter Soldier verts. Those that don't suffer PTSD it are the least sensitive and potential the most dangerous socially amongst us. War is insanity on any and ALL levels.

[REDSTATEREFUGEE]

There are so many dimensions to this sad article. One of them is that our current President, who has stated he cannot remember his active duty as a reserve fighter pilot during the Vietnam War, willingly extends combat tours for our servicemen and servicewomen.

A second consideration is the Bush Administration's hypocritical praise of "the troops," while treating them like second class citizens. I have personally encountered Iraq vets, wounded in combat and obviously suffering PTSD, who have been denied emotional disability benefits because they were not threatening the commit suicide or completely immobilized by their experiences.

Our foreign policy should reflect a new philosophy that the U.S. should avoid most overseas adventures and, if we do commit forces, that we provide for them during and after their tours.

[lstl4]

I am an ex-military wife, and it is a very hard life. The biggest cause of divorce is infidelity. When a husband and wife are separated for long periods of time, people tend to stray out of loneliness mostly.
In my case, my husband had an affair after a brief separation, so I did the same when we were separated again because of overseas duty. When you are young, you need that constant companionshiip more so than when you are older. We stayed married for 13 years, but it finally ended because once you lose tha trust in your partner, there isnt much left. We have 2 beautiful children out of the relationship and lots of grandchildren and now any relationship we have is soley because of our kids. Everything happens for a reason and life is good for both of us, so I guess what happened in the past was meant to be.

[wolf58]

OT Part one
Disabled Veterans No Bailout For Them

With America’s economy in the tank and so many now unemployed and retirement funds drying up, the citizens as well as the government have seemed to have forgotten about the two wars we are currently in and those who have and currently wear the uniform of this nation.

There are some in leadership and in the media who love to tout that deaths are down and how wonderful that is. Although this is good, there are still soldiers who are still being wounded and still dying. That fact that deaths are down I’m sure gives very little comfort to the families of the two soldiers that died on December 4 in Iraq but they know that sometimes it comes with the job.

This government has and is handing out money to Wall Street, Banks, Insurance Companies and soon the auto industry. Meanwhile Disable Veterans compensation is underpaid by 25 percent by the governments own studies and admission.

The soldiers of this country are the foundation of this nation. They are the reason we are free to do all we do. We have our own elected government and not a government of occupation because of them. As a whole they are humble and ask for very little and have come to expect nothing in return from this country.

[wolf58]

part two

How can someone look into the eyes of a disabled veteran who may loose everything who may have fought in WWII, Korea, the jungles of Vietnam or the sands of the Middle East because of foot dragging and delays from one hearing after another by those who have the power and the purse who by their own acknowledgment have admitted the system is broken and must be fixed but have done nothing to do so.

How many on Wall Street have made the sacrifice for this nation that the veteran has? What wounds have the Bankers received while helping the very rich? If one thinks about it, the veteran has defended this nation while those on Wall Street and in Banking have taken the actions that have hurt and weakened this nation, yet our government has rushed to their aide while streaming by those who have defended their rights and freedoms to do so.

I fear that once again the veterans will be forgotten and their issues will be put on the backburner. We as citizens of this country must not allow this to happen. We must tell those elected officials to pass what is needed to take care of those who allow us to sleep and dream under the flag of freedom. It’s the very least we can do for them for all what they have done for us.

[jegenes]

>>A truly transformative leader heading the VA

[lisakaz2]

Thank you for keeping us informed on issues. There are a lot of heartbreaking stories regarding this occupation -- for Iraqis and Americans. Unfortunately, those who are responsible for this donnybrook aren't being held accountable. And they should. That's the real tragedy to me.

But about Christmas, soldiers have to forget what day it is and deal with what is. Ask me, I know. I haven't had a real Christmas in at least 6 yrs, maybe longer. It's not by choice, either. Tell the soldiers to remember they have something or someone to go home to. They all have to hold onto themselves and put that on hold till they can resume living. I'm still waiting.

[jake106]

Screw Christmas! I've missed every birthday for every one of my children for the last three years. I like Christmas and all, but I'd rather be home for my kids birthday than for Jesus' birthday.

[Citizen-Jane]

Good article. These stories are so under reported. The people should know what they are making our troops and their families go through. I hope that Michelle Obama will bring this issue to light. I don't know how in the future we can stop deployments from happen if we should call on our military. But surely there can be a way to help military members and their families cope with their issues. There must be a strong support system set up for them. After all these people are sacrificing their lives and love ones when the country calls.

[billysviez]

Paul, i follow what you do for the Miitary closely. as a Marine Vietnam Veteran i thank you for all your hard work and, you do get Results. Keep your Great Work.