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Paul Rieckhoff

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The Unsung Heroes of War -- Our Families

Posted: 12/08/11 03:27 PM ET

"Service members enlist. Their families are drafted."

That familiar refrain has been uttered time and time again on American military bases across the globe during these wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. There's a lot of truth found in it, and such a reality rarely ends when a service member returns home.

Take Marine Sergeant Stephen Inman and his wife Bethany, for example. They've both sacrificed proudly for our country through Stephen's three deployments -- two tours in Iraq and his most recent tour to Afghanistan. A month before Stephen left for his last deployment, the Inmans found out they were expecting their first baby. The couple thought Stephen might be able to return early to witness the birth, but deployment needs dictated otherwise. As a result, Bethany gave birth to their daughter, Khloe Rae, without Stephen at her side. Though it had been the circumstances of the situation, not a personal choice, Stephen blamed himself for being away at war when Khloe was born. Meanwhile, back home Bethany dealt with all the labors of new parenthood alone, juggling the mortgage, the car payments and bouts of anxiety and depression.

The Inmans' are just one couple of millions who have faced the challenges of service. Since 9/11, over 3 million Americans have had a spouse or parent deploy in these wars. As the Iraq war ends, this small minority is exactly why IAVA is launching a new program for military families inspired by the findings in our latest issue report Unsung Heroes: Military Families After Ten Years of War. Be the first to read it online and share it with your own friends and family.

The report findings should be a gut-check for every American heading home to their own families this holiday season. For ten years, through two of the longest wars in American history, military families have braved unique challenges with the same strength and resilience as their loved ones fighting overseas. But the strain of multiple deployments and the economic crisis are taking a heavy toll.

Unlike the World War II generation that rallied around those on the home front, American society nowadays is generally clueless about the sacrifices these families face. Service members of this generation are deploying two, three, even four times, and the abnormal has become normal for their families. As a result, a third of military spouses whose partners deployed were diagnosed with anxiety, depression, sleeping problems and other mental disorders according to a recent study. Meanwhile, their kids are also feeling the pressure of frequent moves and households managed by single parents. A 2009 study found that one-third of children between ages five and twelve who experienced parental deployment had a high likelihood of developing social and psychological problems.

If the emotional toll of war and separation isn't enough on a family, the economic crisis at home is causing more stress. As the U.S. military surged in Iraq, foreclosures in military communities back home spiked by 32 percent between 2008 and 2010. Over 20,000 service members lost their homes to foreclosure last year alone. And, according to the latest figures, over 26 percent of military spouses were unemployed in June -- the national average was 9.2 percent.

The challenges these military families are facing won't end with the deployments, of course. The reunion of family members can be an exciting and happy time, but it can also cause stress and unforeseen emotional challenges. And increased rates of mental health injuries are associated with higher rates of substance abuse, child maltreatment and incidents of domestic violence.

Like the old saying goes, you can't build a house on a shaky foundation. Unsung Heroes highlights the challenges involved in strengthening military families like the Inmans. But it also offers concrete, practical recommendations to support them.

In Washington, IAVA is pushing legislation like the Military Spouse Continuity Act to secure benefits for military families long after these wars end and to make it easier for spouses to keep work when they move. We're also calling for a job training partnership between the Departments of Defense and Labor to help military spouses build skills and expand their career opportunities. And we're calling on the President and First Lady to issue a nationwide call to recruit mental health professionals to support these families through the emotional strains of deployment and reintegration.

Across the rest of the country, we're also asking the private sector to step. We're partnering with Citi, Veritas Prep and others to provide free education and job resources for vets and their spouses. And we're enlisting the help of Americans who've walked in these families shoes -- like Holly Petraeus (the Assistant Director for the Office of Servicemember Affairs for the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau and wife of General David Petraeus) -- to host free online chats for military families about financial protections and more.

When the White House launched the Joining Forces initiative in April 2011, First Lady Michelle Obama's message was loud and clear: Americans have an obligation "to recognize and serve our nation's extraordinary military families who, like their loved ones in uniform, serve and sacrifice so much so that we can live in freedom and security." No military family should have to bear the brunt alone of what should be a national effort.

So take a few minutes today to learn about these unsung heroes among us. After all that military families have done for us over the last decade, putting ourselves in their shoes this holiday season is the least we can do.

Have a loved one serving overseas? Sign up and submit your questions for IAVA's online chat with Holly Petraeus, the Assistant Director for the Office of Servicemember Affairs for the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau and the wife of General (Ret.) David Petraeus, about financial protections for military families this Thursday, December 8th at 3pm EST.

Cross-posted at IAVA.org.

 
 
 

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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
charleyvldm9
He thinks outside the box.
11:34 AM on 12/09/2011
No one sacrificed for me,thats an illusion,they took a job for the money,if they had skills and proper education ,they would have worked elsewhere,my sons are all educated and refused that occupation.Stop crying about sacrifice.
11:23 AM on 01/14/2012
Uh.. a well-trained military is necessary for a secure nation, so don't take it for granted. There are plenty of well-educated people who join the military, and some that aren't who choose the military to get an education. My DH has an MBA (that he earned prior to joining) and still chose to enlist in the CA Nat'l Guard after 9/11 because he believes in this country and it's people. He's now an active duty CPT serving in Afghanistan while I care for our five children at home. People like my husband are protecting you and your children. It is a sacrifice, and we do it willingly.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
William50
11:23 AM on 12/09/2011
When you have three sons in three different areas of the wars we now have, you hate and love that call at 3:00 in the morning! Nuff said.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Luanne Taylor
be an OTHER
09:10 AM on 12/09/2011
I am trying to plan a "WAR IS OVER" party and am having no luck. I will look into your organization and send you a letter....
This should be a major celebration and America, who loves to support their troops with $1 magnets stuck on their cars, has completely ignored it! Our children need to see us embracing this and them...
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Vajara
vajara
09:01 AM on 12/09/2011
Thank you, Paul. Several of us in our community have formed an Alliance to serve our injured warriors, vets and their families as they return to our communities. While working with families suffering with Post Traumatic Stress Injuries, I get a vision of the spouse riding in the back of the Humvees or Tanks holding her/his two little kids who were born while their partner served in Iraq and Afghanistan. What affects one family member affects the whole, a principle opperating within nature...we are One. We are looking forward to joining together with others throughout the country to offer Integrative and Holistic Health Services with our warriors and their families. The Behavioral/Mental Health System & the VA are overwhelmed and few offer health services...only, sickcare--diagnosis, label and drugs for life...a hopeless approach. We can do much better! http://jerryvestinjuredwarrior.com
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Dredd
Our government is a wartocracy.
08:20 AM on 12/09/2011
Hey, fightin' for the dream is a family affair.

http://blogdredd.blogspot.com/2011/12/homeland-big-brother-plutonomy-3.html
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no dash american
the real 1% ers are combat veterans
08:06 AM on 12/09/2011
Something that must be addressed is the older children of deployed children, especially with the massive deployments the Reserve and National Guard are making. They generally do not live in an enclave of other military families and the schools are not prepared nor equipped to help these children. They are old enough to realize their parent may not come home or may be injured. They are already at a confusing juncture in their lives, then add a parent's deployment to this with little or no guidance from the place they spend a large portion of their day.
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no dash american
the real 1% ers are combat veterans
11:38 AM on 12/09/2011
Sorry should be children of deployed military. Proof reading must not be one of my strengths.
07:43 AM on 12/09/2011
Reading lots of liberally-minded folks on this board make statement such as "fought and died for nothing" and "what about lives destroyed in Iraq and Afghanistan?” and “I wouldn’t call them heroes, I’d call them victims”…..here are some answers for you: fought and died for nothing…no, fought and died so you can make idiotic statements like that and not be thrown in jail or killed; worried about lives destroyed in Iraq and Afghanistan; flights leave the US all the time that would gladly take you there to help them; call them victims? YES! Victims of a country too self-absorbed to realize the sacrifices the troops and their families make count for far more than the ungrateful citizens of this country deserve.
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camelias and sweet tea
Small drinking village with a shrimping problem
10:21 AM on 12/09/2011
Yes, and let us not forget how between 2004-2008 some of our soldiers remains were just dumped in Va...Gee, wonder who was the Commander in Chief during that time???? Disgusting
GHarry
Kitty wrangler
07:42 AM on 12/09/2011
This "military heroes" language seems increasingly inappropriate, considering that America's present wars are increasingly ridiculous and difficult to justify. It also doesn't help that the CIA uses drones that often kill large numbers of women and children ("Oops! Sorry about that.") Today's military people are professionals who are paid fairly well to do a difficult job. They are not "defending our nation" or "defending freedom," although that is the official excuse for our wars of choice. America could be defended much better than by military deployments, which are just putting our military people at risk and turning the world against us. So let's cut out the hearts-and-flowers routine, shall we?
P.S. The defense budget could be slashed merely by allowing older people, ages 40 to 70, to volunteer to serve for a token salary of say $100 per week and benefits. They could replace tens of thousands of support troops and contractors, and probably would do a better job.
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no dash american
the real 1% ers are combat veterans
08:15 AM on 12/09/2011
I deployed over the age of 40, the extreme temperatures, the physical stress of the mission would definitely raise the amount of casualties if you sent this age group, I understand you were probably trying to be facetious you fall very short. Just think the VA disability payments would surge with this demographic, but hey they probably wouldn't live much longer any way, right? If you think they are not heroes, you just keep posting from your air conditioned office, drinking your lattes in the morning and sipping your wine in the evening, and not worry about any recourse from your whining, our military has your back.
GHarry
Kitty wrangler
01:25 AM on 12/10/2011
The military has our back? That's a good one. Last time I checked recent U.S. history, the military was at the forefront of spying on American civilians and trying to curb our civil rights. You can google it. Also, many high-ranking officers are religious extremists who believe in wacky, end-times dogma. As for the physical readiness of older Americans, many older people are in better shape than they were when they were young and could manage quite well in those difficult conditions. Perhaps you should have done a few more pushups and consumed a few less pizzas before you deployed.
07:37 AM on 12/09/2011
Very few Americans really appreciate that people serving the military, and this includes families, are in a position different from any other "job." Few employers can require you to be away from your family when your wife gives birth. Or work on Christmas. Or can arrest you if you don't show up. And, yes, our soldiers and sailors ARE serving America. Few civilians can understand how hard it is for a military spouse to have a career with the moving, deployments, and other special requirements of military life. Think about them all, and send a check to the USO, or whatever you can do for them.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
rkmerriman
10:30 AM on 12/09/2011
Thank you for your post, I have a deep respect for "Navy Moms" I have been married to one for 40 years. I am a 30 year Navy veteran and I could not have did it without her help and sacrifices. I made several deployments in the forgotten war (Vietnam) and other minor skirmishes around the globe, I missed the birth of my second child (we have three) my wife took care of it alone just like everything else. We both have a different view of our service that the author. We are very proud of our chosen life, we were young, serving our country, making sacrifices and living an unusual life. My kids loved seeing all the different parts of the world and the education travel brings. They are all grown well adjusted parents and very happy about their experiences. We did not have the cell phones, computers, e-mail, and all that exists now. We had letters and the occasional phone call usually via some amateur radio operator, but the fact is that I would be totally out of touch for weeks at a time, not always but it happened. I could have left the Navy anytime but we chose the military life style together, and have no regrets.You are correct about the USO they are great and deserve all the support we can give them. Military services is not for everyone but it has its rewards, we are proud we served and would do it again!!!
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05:08 AM on 12/09/2011
Here's what needs to be said: they fought and died for nothing. Sad but true.
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no dash american
the real 1% ers are combat veterans
08:17 AM on 12/09/2011
Those of you that didn't serve or didn't deploy have no idea how much they did fight and die for.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
thoreau101
05:02 AM on 12/09/2011
"Victim" is the better word, not "hero", although servicemen/women should be treated like heroes.

We live in a country now polluted by Reaganism, a country where useless wars are created for money; death is the price of profit, and profit is king.

That we mistreat our service people is part of the sordid deal.

When will the voters wake up?
researcher
researcher
01:04 AM on 12/09/2011
I know of a pest control guy that went to afghan and is making 90,000 a year no taxes for working as a consulant keeping birds off the run ways. these are mercenaries and there is as many of them as soldiers that the media does not tell americans.

find out what these contracters are charging for a hot dog and a coke. $$$$$$$$$

our wars and war machine has become an america jobs program and for corp profits.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Luanne Taylor
be an OTHER
09:05 AM on 12/09/2011
agreed, that is why it has gone for 10 years! Love your name! what do they charge for a hot dog and coke?
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no dash american
the real 1% ers are combat veterans
09:28 AM on 12/09/2011
The prices were about the same as here. the war mongers burger king, pizza hut, and subway ( thank you for being there). And as far as tax free, it is tax free on the first $84,000. He might want to consider a new moniker though.
12:57 AM on 12/09/2011
Never forget this holiday season that while you are spending time with family and friends, thousands of brave men and women are spending the season thousands of miles from those they love in order to protect and serve those you love
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BigBearcatBill
This is the real Bearcat - a Binturong
11:41 PM on 12/08/2011
We should provide free land to veterans on all those close old military bases all over this country. Give them the tools and materials and they could build their own homes. Give them loans for those supplies and set interest rate at about 2% like the old VA loans used to be for our fathers when they bought homes 50 or so years ago. Vets saved this country!!!!!!!!!!!! To not give them a roof over their head and food on the table and a decent job is criminal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Luanne Taylor
be an OTHER
09:06 AM on 12/09/2011
good plan!
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
TWeissMA
http://www.disabilitymessage.com
11:17 PM on 12/08/2011
Yes - work with Veterans Organizations to ensure those who have served this nation receive the benefits they have earned, as well as to ensure their family members get taken care of. Support Veterans, Family members, and the organizations that support us.

It is criminal that this government is something we have to fight with after generations of Americans have served, right along with our family members. If this government hasn't learned by now that involvement in wars and military conflicts also means support of the veterans and family members afterwards it apparently never will.

When this government talks about terrorist threats and wants your sons and daughters to serve in the Armed Forces, I highly suggest you look sideways at it.