Beg Pardon?: The Scooter Libby Quiz

What did one juror say after finding "Scooter" Libby guilty of perjury, obstruction of justice, and making false statements to federal investigators?

a) "Ultimately this will have been a big fat waste of time when Bush pardons him."
b) "If I'm told something once, I'm likely to forget it. If I'm told it many times, I'm less likely to forget it. If I myself tell it to someone else, I'm even less likely to forget it."
c) "I voted to convict Karl Rove, too, but the foreman laughed at me and said, 'He's not on trial here.'"
d) "What the fuck kind of a name for a grown man is 'Scooter'?"

How did Libby get that idiotic nickname anyway?

a) His father gave it to him after watching his infant son zooming around in his crib as fast as "a scooter."
b) His fellow Yalies gave it to him because of his inordinate fondness for the chocolate / marshmallow / graham cracker treat known as a Scooter Pie.
c) A former girlfriend gave it to him after an all-too-speedy love-making session.
d) Cheney gave it to him after seeing him "scoot" out of the line of fire on a hunting trip.

As a result of Libby's pushing for universal smallpox vaccinations, what nickname did George W. Bush bestow upon him?

a) "Cooties"
b) "Plague Man"
c) "Germ Boy"
d) "The Poxster"

Who is Cathie Martin?

a) The first blogger to get press credentials to the Libby trial.
b) The juror who said Libby "was the fall guy."
c) Cheney's former communications director who testified at Libby's trial that she thought Meet the Press was the best show to book her boss on, since its large but toothless host Tim Russert could be counted on to let Cheney "control [his] message."
d) The literary agent who sold Libby's bestiality-and-pedophilia-filled novel The Apprentice, in which, among other grotesqueries, a ten-year-old girl was put in a cage and raped by a bear.

Answers: 1) b; 2) a; 3) c; 4) c

Paul Slansky's quizzes will be a regular feature on 23/6 (236.com), the new satiric news site coming this spring.