Richard Nixon's observation about Fred Thompson being "dumb as hell" is just one of thousands of aspersions cast in the Oval Office and captured on tape. Test your knowledge of Tricky Dick's bountiful Oval Office bile:
1) What did Richard Nixon call his Secretary of the Treasury, George Shultz?
a) "That candy-ass."
b) "That horse's ass."
c) "That flaming asshole."
2) What did Richard Nixon say about California governor Ronald Reagan?
a) "Reagan's so ignorant he doesn't even know how ignorant he is."
b) "Reagan, on a personal basis, is terrible. He's just an uncomfortable man to be around - strange."
c) "Reagan - Christ, don't get stuck in a room with him. All he does is tell these stupid jokes."
3) How did Richard Nixon describe Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart?
a) "A stupid bastard."
b) "A miserable bastard."
c) "A weak bastard."
4) How did Richard Nixon describe Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall?
a) "A black bastard."
b) "An old fool and a black fool."
c) "An uppity son-of-a-bitch."
5) Complete Richard Nixon's assessment of Washington Post publisher Katharine Graham: "She is _______________"
a) a terrible old bag.
b) a nervy old broad.
c) a slutty old whore.
6) Two of these men were referred to by Richard Nixon as "that asshole." Which one was referred to as "that s.o.b."?
a) G. Gordon Liddy.
b) E. Howard Hunt.
c) Pierre Trudeau.
7) How did Richard Nixon describe Supreme Court Justice William Brennan?
a) "A lily-livered liberal ninny."
b) "A jackass Catholic."
c) "A Goddamn Communist."
8) Who did Richard Nixon refer to as "that wop"?
a) His Secretary of Transportation, John Volpe.
b) New Jersey congressman Peter Rodino.
c) Judge John Sirica.
9) How did Richard Nixon describe Supreme Court Justice Hugo Black?
a) "A senile old bastard."
b) "An idiot hillbilly."
c) "An old fart."
10) How did Richard Nixon refer to his Supreme Court nominee William Rehnquist?
a) "That dunce Rehnquist."
b) "That boob from Arizona."
c) "That clown Renchburg."
11) What did Richard Nixon call the heads of the Securities and Exchange Commission?
a) "Those dopes at S.E.C."
b) "That bunch of Wall Street nitwits."
c) "The S.E.C. Jewboys."
12) What did Richard Nixon say about his press secretary, Herb Klein?
a) "Klein's a moron, and his name sounds Jewish. Is he a kike?"
b) "Klein just doesn't have his head screwed on."
c) "If Klein was any dumber he'd eat out of the toilet and shit on the table."
ANSWERS: 1) a, 2) b, 3) c, 4) b, 5) a, 6) b, 7) b, 8) c, 9) a, 10) c, 11) c, 12) b
Paul Slansky's quizzes will be a regular feature on 23/6, the new satiric news site coming soon to a computer screen near you.