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NRA Fights Back Against Drone Control

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Washington, D.C.--Wayne LaPierre, Executive Vice President of the National Rifle Association, lashed out at critics of the NRA's lobbying efforts to protect private ownership of drones and drone missiles.

Mr. LaPierre was speaking before a small gathering of armament manufacturing CEO's here in the nation's capital. They had come to lobby their Republican congressmen and senators to resist any attempts by bleeding heart liberals to curb sales of any weaponry that could be potentially manufactured in the U.S.A.

Pointing at the screen behind him where a video was playing without sound, LaPierre explained, "Here you see Sarah Palin, one of the first hunters to use drone missiles. Notice, Sarah no longer needs to use a helicopter to shoot and kill moose. These days she sits all comfy at her computer piloting her hunting drone across the Alaska wilderness. Now watch this! As you can see from this Fox News documentary, Sarah was able to successfully bring down an entire herd of moose with a single hellfire drone missile."

"Pow!," he exclaimed triumphantly, as the missile hit the quietly grazing herd. "Good shot Sarah. Bad news mooses!"

Waiting for the spontaneous burst of applause to die down, LaPierre continued, "Hell, why is everyone in such a damn rush to limit the sale of drones? If the U.S. Government has drones, how long till the drug dealer on the corner has drones? Assuming they don't already have them!"

The question of school safety, still on everyone's mind in the aftermath of the Newtown elementary school shootings, quickly came up in a question from the audience.

"But how can we keep our grandchildren safe?" one elderly CEO asked. "You called for an armed security guard in every school, but what good would that do if everyone can now purchase drones with missiles?"

"Excellent question!" Mr. LaPierre replied, spinning on his feet and firing his gun finger at the inquiring CEO. "Thought you had me there!" he joked, blowing off imaginary smoke from his recently fired gun finger.

Mr. LaPierre turned to face the blank screen behind him, raised a remote control and clicked it at the screen.

"Anti-missile missiles!" he exclaimed excitedly as a photo of a school-mounted anti-missile artillery battery came up on the screen. "One battery per school should do it; maybe two for schools located in ethnic neighborhoods."

When asked if owning missile-carrying drones was enshrined in the Constitution of the United States, Mr.LaPierre answered tersely, "It is in my copy."

Offering a wink, he added, "Right after assault weapons!"