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Anthony Weiner's Fair Weather Friends

Posted: 06/14/11 10:58 AM ET

The American political landscape has become brutal. If you're crazy enough to pursue a career in politics, can you count on your friends and colleagues, especially when the going gets tough? If you are Representative Anthony Weiner, the answer is a resounding: no you can't! What are the implications of the Weiner scandal for our political future, for younger people whom might aspire to service in the public arena?

According to the very carefully articulated White House statement, President Obama believes that Weiner's behavior is "inappropriate" and a "distraction." Indeed, the standing tall and bare chested photos that Weiner foolishly sent to his online sexting partners have made him the laughing stock of the politics of the moment. Recently admired for his passionate and articulate advocacy of progressive issues, Weiner has quickly become a national embarrassment. Top leaders in Weiner's party, including Representative Debbie Wasserman Shultz, the new chairperson of the Democratic Party, and Steny Hoyer, the second ranking Democrat in the House, have called for him to resign. In a Today Show interview President Obama has also suggested that Congressman Weiner step down. How quickly the winds of political fortune change!

I find this political episode sad and disillusioning. Like most people, I certainly cannot condone the hubris that underscores Weiner's aberrant behavior. Even so, I find it even more disturbing that people are so quick to turn on a public servant who, prior to his own self-induced scandal, had advocated -- and advocated forcefully -- for the poor and oppressed. He is a person who has forcefully stood up for the progressive principles.

Although it doesn't appear that Congressman Weiner has violated any law, he is guilty of what we anthropologists call transgression, a global social phenomenon that occurs in each and every society. All societies have rules for appropriate social behavior. When transgression occurs in many Australian Aborigine societies, for example, the transgressor is isolated. His or her social ties are severed, leaving that person socially and psychologically alone, which in a socially integrated society is tantamount to a death sentence. In other societies transgression is sometimes seen as a sign of a person's destiny. In many West African societies, for example, transgression marks a person as a potential shaman. In those societies transgression is the beginning of a long path toward individual and social healing -- something that ultimately brings health and harmony to society.

Congressman Weiner crossed an invisible social boundary that marks him as a social and political transgressor. His political friends and colleagues have quickly severed their ties to him, suggesting that he resign. Like most transgressors, he is utterly alone in the world, breathing in the foul air of humiliation. How should he be treated? Should he be thrown away like so many pieces of garbage in the hope that his politically embarrassing behavior might be damage controlled? Or should he hang on, seek treatment and attempt to transform himself into a better person and a better public servant?

Men and women who transgress in West African societies often become important figures in their communities. They become great practitioners who heal the sick and guide people toward states of well being. My own teacher, Adamu Jenitongo of Tillaberi Niger, was such a man. The oldest son of a great sorcerer, he spent 20 years in jail for allegedly killing a man who coveted his wife -- obviously transgressive behavior. He paid his debt to society and then began to practice what his father had taught him, becoming a great and powerful healer. During his lifetime, he brought much health, happiness and wisdom to the people of Western Niger. He owed his great success, he often told me, to the depth of his suffering. Through his humiliation, he liked to tell me, he learned humility and respect for the forces of nature. Through hard-won self-realization, he learned what really mattered in life -- the relationships of love and respect that you develop and work to maintain.

When you find yourself utterly alone, you quickly discover who is and who is not your friend. Your fair weather friends sweep away with the wind. Your true friends, who accept your being despite your transgression, extend helping hands that enable you to move forward, however slowly, on your path. Congressman Weiner has fallen from grace with meteoric speed and his potential social restitution will be decidedly gradual. He will have to decide his political future for himself. Will his experience of utter humiliation eventually make him a better public servant and a better human being? I would agree with my teacher Adamu Jenitongo who would have said yes -- without hesitation.

Besides, we should never forget that when it comes to transgression, we all have blood on our hands.

 

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The American political landscape has become brutal. If you're crazy enough to pursue a career in politics, can you count on your friends and colleagues, especially when the going gets tough? If you ...
The American political landscape has become brutal. If you're crazy enough to pursue a career in politics, can you count on your friends and colleagues, especially when the going gets tough? If you ...
 
 
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montanason
Justice for Annie Mae Aquash and Ray Robinson Jr.
01:32 AM on 06/17/2011
Fair weather? Would that be like fair husbands of less than a year, or
fair weather fathers to be?
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
hipocampelofantocame
retired pediatrician
07:41 PM on 06/16/2011
When he succumbed to a juvenile lapse, Mr. Weiner was guilty of committing poor taste.
Those who condemn him are often guilty of hypocrisy.
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Jeff Norman
09:06 PM on 06/15/2011
Unless his constituents, friends, family and members of the public don't count, I would not conclude Weiner is "utterly alone."
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julieJgoldengay
Buffalo Woman of the L-Train
09:22 PM on 06/14/2011
Public Humiliation is Overrated...
Sausalito, elected a former Madame as Mayor.
She ran the City, like a Business.
Her past was Unpleasant,
Sausalito Thrived.
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sahk3
06:05 PM on 06/14/2011
Good point! Thankfully, not all cultures are as ruthless and condemnatory as ours
02:47 PM on 06/14/2011
Ok so granted, lots of people do this. You can't change your past. But isn't it obvious common sense, probably given in written form by handlers and aids, that in the present tense, while holding a political office, it would be extremely stupid to risk everything for a little hanky panky, that by choosing a public life as a public servant, you accept the requirement to forego any sex acts outside your marriage, if not for the sake of your marriage, then for the sake of your credibility? Do we need to add it to the oath they take? I hereby swear not to think with my dick for the next 4 years, and put my constituents above my own selfish need to get off. I mean it really can't be that hard, lol, can it?
01:47 PM on 06/14/2011
It's great to think that this will have a fairy tale ending where the prodigal son has a spiritual epiphany and changes his ways and turns over a new leaf and becomes a hero. However, Weiner is just one of many in a long line of congressional sleeze bags who got cought with his paqnts down. The only thing these guys learn from this is that if they don't react, give the perfunctory apology and mumble some rubbish about rehab and family they will keep their position and be a little more discreet next time.

Look at Weiner, he has shown you who he is. Take him or leave him as he is but don't expect him to change.
01:34 PM on 06/14/2011
I have another comment, a question really. I really, really don't understand why political men do this stuff. WHY? Is it that all men do this stuff and political men just get caught more often because they're in the spotlight? Or is it because they're in the spotlight that their egos get huge and they start believing they're sex gods? Is it the thrill of possibly getting caught and having an international tabloid scandal that turns them on? I REALLY, honestly don't understand, and granted I'm a woman, but I know plenty of men who although they admit sex is often on their mind, they don't actually act on it, even on the internet, they may look at some pictures when they're in the mood but they don't have these on going interactions with other women behind their wives backs, it's really weird and there's got to be some psychological explanation for why politicians in particular seem to be so suseptible to this kind of lurid, lusty behavior. Really, it's a real question, please no sarcasm, I really, really want to understand.
02:00 PM on 06/14/2011
Many men, not just politicians, do this. So do many women. Why do they do this? Them lure of having someone admire you over the internet (or in real life) is very hard to resist. And the older you get, the less of your young, lusty attractive self you become, the harder it gets to resist. It's this boost to the ego of someone actually finding you interesting is the reason people flirt and the reason they have affairs.

Limiting this flirtation to the realm of fantasy, as in an online affair, is probably less damaging than an actual physically consummated affair with the risk of illegitimate children, disease, and an infatuation that would lead the cheater to ask for a divorce.

Why politicians? People are interested in their lives and they are quasi-celebrities. Women seem to be attracted to celebrity and power enough to make up for age and so-so looks.
12:23 PM on 06/14/2011
Weiner, like Spitzer, has no friends. When it came time for defense, no one was there. Examine the magnitude of his actions and tell me how he can ever be effective again.

His only hope is a TV gig.
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RaymondLuxuryYacht
My hovercraft is full of eels.
12:39 PM on 06/14/2011
The magnitude of his actions?!? He cheated on his wife. While abhorrent, lots of people in congress have cheated and not resigned -- even when what they have done is illegal and/or more embarrassing.
04:55 PM on 06/14/2011
To second RaymondLuxuryYacht, his cheating was not even physical, but strictly virtual and of a flirtatious nature - like phone sex.
By no standard can this be called actions of great "magnitude".
If mass media would amplify and endlessly reproduce close ups of your nose picking, that wouldn't make your nose picking something any more noteworthy than it is.
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RaymondLuxuryYacht
My hovercraft is full of eels.
05:32 PM on 06/14/2011
I like your analogy. :)
12:14 PM on 06/14/2011
I am a liberal democrat and really wish he hadn't done what he did but here's the real issue. It's not about his sexacapades on the internet, it's about the fact that he BOLD FACED LIED on national television to lots and lots of people, with a straight face, saying it wasn't him, that he was hacked, and he got lots of us to sympathize and worry about pesky hackers trying to make him look bad, and got lots of others to insist on a security investigation, and when the truth came out we all felt like idiots for believing him, and then had to wonder, if he's such a good liar, how can we trust him? How can we ever believe anything he says again? Even though he's fighting for the right things and trying to make the world a better place, the ability to lie that well and get away with it totally breaks our trust in him. If he had just taken the blow initially, hung his head in shame for a few days, admitted he was being immature and innapropriate on his own time, I think most would have forgiven him and it would have blown over. It was the ridiculous television interviews crying wolf that sealed his fate.
12:24 PM on 06/14/2011
Clinton lied under oath. He lost his law license. He didn't resign.
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RaymondLuxuryYacht
My hovercraft is full of eels.
12:29 PM on 06/14/2011
It would have been nice if he hadn't lied but what would you do if the intimate details of your sexual relationships were released to the world press? It's nobody else’s business. In any case, lying about intimate details of his personal life doesn't impact anything he does in his professional life.
01:28 PM on 06/14/2011
Well honestly if I were a political figure I wouldn't post my intimate details on the internet, I don't even do that now and I'm a nobody. Good point about Clinton, and really, a lot of politicians, I really don't get it.
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rlclark65
Was Lib, then got degree, job & family
02:56 PM on 06/14/2011
Would have been nice if he hadn't lied? I kind of think telling the truth and not putting yourself in the position to be blackmailed are key job requirements for a congressman.
12:11 PM on 06/14/2011
There have been an enormous amount of words trying to defend the indefensible.

Show the narcissistic psychopath to the door. He has no redeeming qualities whatsoever.
12:09 PM on 06/14/2011
Nice article about the congressman, but I wonder if this sexting was consensual? Most have said they texted with the congressman but, out of the blue, he sends an inappropriate picture of himself.
I hope it does not come out any of these "partners" were underage, that would be bad for the congressman.
jhNY
Mercy.
12:04 PM on 06/14/2011
Mr. Weiner had political associates, not friends, and now he does not. He was and is combative, media-hungry, hard to work with, and hard to work for. His recent and serial personal failings heaped on top of these other traits, have endeared him to no one in politics but his ideological enemies.

Having said this, I still vastly prefer that the voters in his district, and I am not one, decide the length of his career in Congress, and not party bosses, however embarrassed he has made them, however mightily they just wish he'd quit. The next election is little more than a year away. Let's let democracy fix this, not the party.
12:03 PM on 06/14/2011
As a person who has experience dating on the internet. The congressman didn't do anything that unusual or abhorant. I think the only people shocked by this are the people who have lost touch with reality like the press and the elites in DC. This just does not rise to an offense that shoudld require resignation.
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RaymondLuxuryYacht
My hovercraft is full of eels.
12:21 PM on 06/14/2011
Rock of WPB: "I think the only people shocked by this are the people who have lost touch with reality like the press and the elites in DC."

Add to that list prudes, people who haven't been single in the last 10 years, and Republican shills. :)
12:48 PM on 06/14/2011
I think it is pretty abohrant to get married and then cheat on your spouse. and I don't think it is usual.
jhNY
Mercy.
01:45 PM on 06/14/2011
Given that over half of all marriages end in divorce, and given how often the cause stated in the proceeding is adultery, I'd say maybe it's far more common than you imagine.
01:50 PM on 06/14/2011
How do you define cheating? There was no physical contact here. Is flirting cheating?
Don't get me wrong, I really don't like what Weiner did. But that is his personal problem; why is this news?
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SpinDizzy
This space for rent
11:54 AM on 06/14/2011
Weiner was always a distraction for the Democrats. As a strong voice for the poor and disenfranchised, he makes most other so called progressives look like the craven opportunists they truly are. No wander they want to be rid of him. He was an embarassment to the party long before these more recent indiscretions came out.