Fired at 44

I never actually heard the words made famous by a certain man on a certain TV show. Instead I got a lot of harrumphing and vague "I-got-some-bad-news" mumbling. Over the phone. The night before my 44th birthday.

When I was fired from "America's Next Top Model" this past spring, two things hit me simultaneously: the heavy thud of realization that I am not wanted, not liked, not worth my salt, not loved--yes, I know this sounds a little over-the-top, but I have the tendency to run with the negatives--and the lightening of a burden lifted; I would no longer have to worry about missing my children's recitals, date nights with my husband, and all that family life has to offer. It was a curious mixture, one I imagine akin to standing in a falling elevator, but knowing you can jump up at the last moment to prevent gravity from crushing you. And you can walk off. Not unscathed maybe, with a permanent distrust of elevators perhaps, but alive.

My announcement about getting fired was a decision I made when I, a day after a rather depressing birthday, realized that all the famous people I've ever read about have rarely, if ever, "gotten fired." It's not that it hasn't happened. In our biz, the showbiz, you get hired and fired at the speed of sound. But it seems only comedians have the guts to admit it.

Performers are, by nature, self-employed. Sort of. We are used to being out of work; we are used to the thought that this job may be our last. The threat of unemployment doesn't so much hang over your head as it surrounds you like water in a pool. But being fired is different. It's not only that you now have no foreseeable income, but--for a celebrity--you have also been publicly punched in the face. It is the one last kindness that is performed by whomever is actually firing you, usually the producer, to do a lot of harrumphing and vague mumbling about bad news, and allow you to put it out to the public in a way that won't forever mark you as failed.

Generally, admitting to a weakness in a cutthroat setting is far braver than keeping a stiff upper lip, but unless you are Jimmy Stewart in a Hollywood movie, the consequences are the same as announcing you've twisted your ankle to a bunch of muggers.

Hence, all the celebrities that "quit" because they were exhausted, had personal conflicts, and the ol' scheduling problems.

So why did I do it? I'd like to imagine it was in part because I'm always so appreciative of when someone tells the truth--clean water escaping muck, and all that sort of imagery I like to amuse myself with--and in part because I have come to the conclusion that saving face takes more effort than it's worth. For me, anyway. (It is also more than possible that I thought it would get me sympathetic attention and another job.) In any case, a day after I outed myself as a fired (failed) celebrity on Craig Ferguson, my phone rang off the hook. I'm still not sure whether it was because people were appreciative of the truth, or merely looking for me to dish further dirt, but the beauty of being 44 is that one spends a lot less time bullshitting oneself. And none of those calls were to offer me another job.

One of the people I spoke to was a lovely female journalist who, after a few minutes, confided she had also just gotten fired and that I was her last interview. How is that for irony? She had worked for the paper for fifteen years and got a fairly unceremonious boot. She had a little money saved up. She had some plans to make the best of it. She wasn't 20 either.

When you get fired at 20, it may be a kick in the butt, but one that propels you forward to the next adventure. When you get fired at 44, it's a slap in the face that takes you backward to sink into your well-worn couch and to reexamine your life, to re-evaluate your place in the world.

In all honesty, getting fired from "Top Model" was nowhere near as tragic as I'd like to make out. It's mostly a slight public humiliation, and one that I decided to perpetuate myself. It in no way compares to the thousands of people who have been laid off and are struggling to survive.

Still, I wouldn't have minded to walk away with an extended middle finger and a victorious "I quit!"

Oh, and by the way, I'm available for hire.

Related links on Modelinia.com:

*Slideshow: Paulina Porizkova's Covers
*Watch: Paulina Porizkova Wishes You A Happy 4th of July
*Watch: History of Models V: Beauty Incorporated

 

 

Comments

[Teddy Carian]

Paulina am one of your die hard fans from The Philippines. I was very sad when you turned down the movie to be The BOND Girl in Goldeneye. You are still young, talented and very beautiful... go make more movies.. I believe you are The Most Beautiful Supermodel and am so proud showing all your clippings and pictures to the younger generations and tell them "Paulina is the best Supermodel but she prefers to live a normal life". During your 40th SI swimsuit Hall of Fame Tyra Banks mentioned that you are a true blue Supermodel. Cheer up and be visible in movies and television. We love and support you Paulina...

[bentax645]

I have been in the fashion industry for over 25 years and your expose does not surprise me in the least. However, there are many models that have endured the BIZ beyond what is considered the classic model life span. However most of them had reached model stardom in their earlier years. It is an unfortunate reality in this business, that youth sells. I really empathize with your circumstances and wish you the best.

http://www.benjaminkanarekblog.com/

[DeloresT]

I am not familiar with Paulina. I stopped watching Amer.'s Next Top Model a couple of years ago. I was tired of "Miss J" being jealous of the real girls and putting them down. Paulina didn't lose her job, she was given her freedom ! Start your own show Paulina.

[Jen Grisanti - Huffpost Blogger]

Paulina,
I commend you for sharing your truth. It is universal, getting fired, sucks. There is no way around it.

My contract was not renewed, which is the same as being fired, after 15 years with the same company. I was 41. The emotions I felt after it were strange. Part of me was euphoric, part of me was devastated. I was angry and hurt yet I was happy and free after 17 years of working in Corporate America. It was my turning point in my story. Since then, I started my own company and am happier than I've ever been.

You were great on TOP MODEL, I loved watching your comments. My feeling, go out and start your own show, you have an audience of many who love you!

Where one door closes, another opens.

Thank you for your contribution and sharing your truth.

Jen

[astuartgirl]

Everyone saying she should get over being fired by Tara is not getting the point.

It doesn't matter who is was.

I watch the show and I thought you were great. Much better than "the original supermodel". '

I also enjoyed Twiggy.

I would venture to say that they didn't 'let you go" because of you but because they change people often in order to keep the opinions fresh.

[AisalwaysA]

One of the greatest men I ever met (PhD) is a very focused very dedicated, hard working individual who above all else seems to always have a smile and a positive focus on life. He once told me it was a result of his once being fired. His having to stand up and look into the mirror and see who he was and what was important. Typically being fired is for no other reason than the result of a personality conflict. I too was fired at 45, I am mentally stronger, happier, a better worker and (I think) a better husband. Winners always win! Good Luck to you.

[LetsGetDumbAmerica]

"When you get fired at 44, it's a slap in the face that takes you backward to sink into your well-worn couch and to reexamine your life, to re-evaluate your place in the world."
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Paulina, I think you should have reexamined your life and re-evaluated when you agreed to be part of a reality show ;)

You're still a stunner and this piece proves you have a head on your shoulders- so you could have gotten something better than playing second banana w/Banks if you shopped around more - and I'm sure now you will.

[TJCole]

Paulina; you're one of the world's great beauties, and nobody of any substance has ever bothered to watch that show...so why worry..?

[Womanvoter4Obama]

Paulina..I'm not a Tyra fan by any stretch of the imagination but you need to let it go. Move on..it's far from becoming.

[stevi]

There is the hoopla about Tyra wanting to be the next Oprah, NOT! Oprah really does care about others, not so much with Tyra. She makes me want substance, you have substance and a husband who "rocks" and beautiful children..You win!

[Verbal Blowtorch]

Paulina, I am two years younger than you are. When you were the face of Estee Lauder, I was working during college as an Estee Lauder counter sales girl. I thought you were gorgeous and still think so. But then when you did an interview and said you used the same lotion on your face that you use on your body, I became a devoted fan. You were honest and you hadn't bought in to the crazy-making "you need 5 different, expensive products, just for your face alone" line that the cosmetics industry still clings to.

I loved that you married the very cool Ric Ocasek.

And the ONE time I saw you on that model evaluating show (it happened to be on in the gym while I was trapped on an eliptical trainer), you were by far the best thing on there -- and it was GREAT to see you, and that you're still looking as beautiful as ever. Please don't waste another minute feeling dissed by them.

[lynchzilla]

You should take comfort, Paulina, that the public is well aware of just how cruel and heartless these entertainment moguls are. Just look what happened to Jane Seymour, her "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman" television series was canceled even though it was winning its time slot. The reason given, the demographics were too old - they wanted younger viewers.

Have you thought of doing something else? I remember the case of British supermodel Jean Shrimpton, who bailed out when the modeling assignments started to dry up and bought a small inn in the English countryside and has been managing it ever since (she's 66 this year).

Truth is, you's make a pretty cool just about anything!

[lmvd3]

Frankly, the segment on Craig Ferguson came across as desperate whining. Now this. Let it go. Move on to bigger and better and quit dwelling on the past.

[Michael Rowe - Huffpost Blogger]

If it's any consolation, Ms. Porizkova, the fact that you were let go says a great deal about the calibre and lack of taste of ANTM, and nothing about your own calibre, prestige, or history in fashion, which is beyond reproach. Their loss, big time. Not yours.

[ukstevePSCA]

And, Mr Rowe, I might add that not only do I fully concur with you, but the timing of the 'firing' - when ANTM is about to debase itself even further with the "America's Next Top Short Model" series - should be appreciated by all of us who think highly of Paulina PO.
A lady with that class surely would NOT want to be involved with that pending excrescence

[Applecheeks]

I love Paulina, she's the only "Supermodel" I remember being so unbelievably beautiful it hurt. I even went to see Her Alibi when it came out. She's still gorgeous and was very funny on ANTM, better than Twiggi and Janet. She could be downright mean, in a good way. :)

Good luck Paulina, thanks for being so entertaining on ANTM. Sorry it had to end so soon!

[Vinca]

Paulina was beautiful, still is. They probably saw a wrinkle.