Mind Your Motives!

A choice is an act of conscious selection of one of the two or more options. The option that is selected is the preferred option of the ones that are available. Thus, a choice is an expression of preference. Any choice is. Even if you are choosing between two very bad options. This is what we mean when we say that we chose "the lesser of two evils." The "lesser of two evils" - as undesirable as it might be - is nevertheless a preferred option. Thus, any choice you make is in the direction of your well-being. Any choice - if granted - is a satisfaction of a desire, even if that desire is for nothing more than "the lesser of two evils."

Whatever the choice may be, if you made it, you freely expressed a preference. What's left is to own your motivation and to live with the consequences of your choice. Not to do so would be unfair to others. If, for example, you are putting in long days at work because you rely on stellar performance to feel good about yourself, it just wouldn't be fair to reproach your family by reminding them of how hard you work. Sure, they might benefit from the extra money you are bringing home, but, let's face it, you aren't doing it for them, you are doing it for you. If you are doing it for you, they owe you nothing. Instead of reminding others of what they owe you, be mindful your own motives! Enjoy the consequences of the choices you make: un-mask a "have to" to find a "want."

Pavel Somov, Ph.D. is the author of Eating the Moment: 141 Mindful Practices to Overcome Overeating One Meal at a Time (New Harbinger, 2008) and of Present Perfect: From Mindless Pursuit of What Should Be to Mindful Acceptance of What Is (in press, New Harbinger Publications, in stores in July 2010). He is in private practice in Pittsburgh, PA.

For more information visit www.eatingthemoment.com and sign up for Pavel Somov's monthly "Mindful-not-Mouthful" Newsletter.

Comments

[Pavel Somov, Ph.D. - Huffpost Blogger]

Well put! Thanks.

[Arithrianos]

Yes indeed, do not expect others to appreciate your "sacrifice" if it your own choice, but only if you are really doing it for others, which is so rare as to be hardly worth mentioning. Generosity as a paramita is doing with no expectation of return, just do it because that is what you want, any expectation will produce resentment and suffering and diminishes the act itself. Authenticity is never about what you will get, only about who you are.