A note showed up in my e-mail the other day. It was from somebody who - well, let's just say he is not a fan.
He pointed out the published results of a 20 year study at Sweden's Uppsala University that showed active and regular engagement with father figures benefits children.
The fact that he shared that study with me - and so many writers covered it - tells me that we are still ensnared in the either/or arguments about preferred and lesser families - where parents are judged less by what they put into the job, but the numerical correctness they bring to it.
The back story - and the reason I received the e-mail - is that in 2005, I published a book called Raising Boys Without Men - How Maverick Moms Are Creating the Next Generation of Exceptional Men.
I wrote the book, in part, because I grew up without a father, sparking a lifelong interest in family dynamics. I also wrote in hopes that my research would shed some beneficial light on the essential wellness of nontraditional family structures that the defenders of the traditional structures are so quick to dismiss.
When the book came out, I was called an "abomination," a "misguided liberal zealot", a "dunce", a "femi-Nazi" and invited to "do us Americans a favor and move to Europe." My new e-mail pal was comparatively mild - simply pointing out my naivete and bias.
Then and now, and unfortunately for some time to come, we are prone to seizing on big numbers to apply judgment on individual lives.
The question is: why?
Will seizing on studies as proof of the rightness of two parent families mean fewer one parent families? Will it mean fewer same sex parent families?
To those who see the decline of the traditional families contributing to smaller and smaller circles as our society goes down the drain, some recent numbers might ease your angst.
A recent Census study shows that seven in ten children live with two parents, two-thirds live with married parents and six in 10 live with biological parents.
Even better news for those who like to stamp family structures as "approved" or "denied," is that the rise in single parent families since late 60s appears to have leveled off in the 90s.
So maybe we're not all going to hell after all.
But what about the three in 10 children who do live with a single parent? What about the 2.1 million single fathers heading households? What about the 65,000 adopted children being raised gay parents?
Are they, by definition, parentally-challenged?
Pick an argument, and there will be statistics somewhere to support it. But let's remember, behind the numbers, behind the trends, and between the battlements on the left and right are people just trying to live their lives.
Follow Dr. Peggy Drexler on Twitter: www.twitter.com/drpeggydrexler
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This sad condition feeds the entitled sense of prejudice that many people confuse with actual thought.
The resistance people show toward thinking about the individual
I've never made a very good statistic. If you are a cypher with a mind... and character.
I had a similar experience on a progressiv
She is my friend from Dar fur... or any place ravaged by poverty...
Here she is:
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"...There is someone... I think of her often.
...When I get to feeling sorry for myself, or when one of my customers is embroiled in some 'gluttonou
She is my 'Reality Check Mate'. It matters not 'when' she comes to mind, she is always performing the same act. And it matters not whether she is brought to mind at the moment of my typing, or at the moment of reading by any and all who view this. She is an 'amalgam'.
... She is in agony over a pending decision. Worry has deeply lined her face. She 'must' make the decision, and the weight of this decision is far beyond my trivial self-conce
She is an involuntar
Now... the decision she must make... She has a dead rat in each hand. She happened to find them today, and considers herself fortunate (maybe). The turmoil is apparent as she smells each rat in-turn, trying to decide which one is freshest, so that she can prepare it for her child. Trouble is... if she doesn't feed the child, it will die, but if she picks the 'bad' rat, she may poison and kill the child, hense, the worry lines.
Don't assume that this is some fantasy. There are 6-1/2 billion people here, and the vast majority are impoverish
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People don't want to think... they just want to be stimulated
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in the 10 seconds it took to read this post... 2 children have needlessly died as a result of poverty...
Or when a parent is abusive?
The whole story reads like anti-divor
The truth behind the statistics shouldn't be ignored.
Cosby isn't lying when he notes the effects in black communites for example, but he too is aware that solving the problems that arise doesn't involve forcing couples to stay together as the wingnuts interpret the data.