I feel the energy in the air. I feel the sadness and grief through my clients.
The energy of hurt and disappointment as many will be reminded once again of the betrayal by the woman who is supposed to protect and love you unconditionally.
The betrayal may come from physical or emotional neglect, not believing you, not knowing when there were more than enough signs, not asking the important questions, blaming you for your abuse, or directly being physically, emotionally, or sexually abusive.
How do you celebrate a relationship and woman for whom you've had to learn to grieve whether she's died or not?
This is what Mother's Day represents for most of the women I know.
A couple of weeks ago I read a post written by someone who's mother had recently died. This will be her first Mother's Day without her. Recognizing the pain in not being able to celebrate with her, she asked us to reach out to our mothers for reconciliation, compromise, and to let her know how special she is.
My heart sank knowing the impact reading these words would likely have on many people.
I read this post after receiving an email from a client who was guilted into feeling she should reach out to her mother and as a result was feeling like "shit". She was asking me to remind her why it is not a good idea.
So I did. I reminded her of the ways her mother has failed. Of the times very recently she has said mean, hateful things to her. How she continues to deflect the reality of my client's childhood experiences and doesn't want anything to do with her until she wants something from her.
As difficult as it was to do, for both of us, it was necessary to keep her from continuing the cycle of feeling responsible for her mother's inability to be the mother she deserves.
It's the same thing I have to do for many of my clients. It's something I've had to do for myself even though my mother died 24 years ago.
When your mother is alive you continue to hold onto hope that maybe one day, maybe this time, it will be different.
You reach out, try harder, do better, look better all in an effort to get her to finally love you or treat you the way you deserve.
You are left with a rewounding on a soul level.
Don't let advertisements, the greeting card aisle, media, friends, or your mother make you feel guilty for setting boundaries. For taking care of you.
This Mother's Day take time to nurture your soul.
You are not alone. We are not alone. Our mother's inability to be what we deserve is not about us. For support and inspiration you can join our tribe of fellow Survivor Warriors on my Facebook page.