Balance is a Myth for Executive Women
In the technology industry, with few women in the executive ranks and fewer still in the board room, we live in a world where balance is a myth. We talk about balance but the reality is that women in the corporate world are competing with men most of the time, appropriately competing on skill and hard work, but up against significant gender stereotypes and so we have to work harder and smarter to get ahead.
Balance is hard for most working women -- but it is particularly elusive for women wanting to be a senior exec, be in the board room, run a billion dollar division or be a CEO. It's elusive because:
- Business is global today and travel is a part of any executive job because you have to meet your customers and your sales and distribution teams. When you are a leader you can't lead from your desk, even with great communications technology.
- As CEO I do have more control over my time than in any other job, and the ability to make a better culture for my own female employees, but I also have the ultimate demanding boss -- my company -- and there is no excuse I have ever been able to come up with to not put my company first when it really needs me. My employees depend on their jobs and I am accountable to them.
- Many men at the top of companies, even today, have wives at home taking care of the family and house. A couple of years ago I found myself the only women on a large company executive team. I strove to hold my ground against weekend meetings, or endless late night dinners, but it was clear that I had to conform to the schedule to do my job.
So given these types of challenges how can women survive and thrive at the top of companies?
Women often have an over developed sense of responsibility -- the belief that they have to care for it all: work, children, husband, aging parents -- caring for everyone else. Recognize that's what's going on in your head, give it up and prioritize what you have to get done. You just can't do it all and be Wonder Woman every day so explain this to your kids, they will understand. My kids learned early on that I didn't play the same role in school as most of the moms, but they're confident in the world because they have travelled extensively instead and I have shared my work world with them whenever I could.
Many women have highly honed multi-tasking skills (try running a board call while cooking for hungry 2 and 4 year olds). You can use these skills to juggle the conflicting demands of work and family. And with the level of travel executive management often requires it's important to have a partner, your spouse and/or child care help, that you trust.
And in the end I have found the most powerful tool I have is to be conscious of the choices I make every day. Choosing carefully rather than being dragged along in the turbulence of my daily demands. I've had my share of tough choices, like when on maternity leave and my company needed me and deciding whether to go to my son when he broke is arm. There is never an easy answer but being aware of the choice each and every time helps me stay sane.
Women can and will find new ways to be executives, and we need this in order to bring women into the executive ranks of companies and so create more diverse companies and more opportunities for women. It's amazing that even today Fortune reports that almost half of the California tech companies have no women executive officers. And Diane Greene of VMware was the last female CEO in the top 150 in Silicon Valley, Steve Jobs has all white men in his executive staff at Apple, and the pervasive prejudice in the VC world still shocks me.
But it's important not to be naïve about how this can and will change in the future. We can only be effective in the boardroom if we are just as committed to the job and the business results as men are, and willing to work just as hard, or harder. So it's our responsibility to get more women to the top and only from there can we change the culture of companies to make balance easier -- but we will always be challenged by the need for long hours and travel that just goes with any executive job.
Follow Penny Herscher on Twitter: www.twitter.com/pennyherscher
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I faced many of these challenges as a working mom and what made it worth it was not only the pay check, but was because for most of my career I loved me job. When you are good at what you do, and you enjoy it, it makes the trade-offs worthwhile. Also when you are really good at your job, companies are more likely to be flexible with you if you need it. Lastly having a life partner that believes in sharing the work load at home is key. That guy is worth looking for.
Seriously, I peaked, in terms of my ability to handle it all, in high school. By the time I finished college and graduate school, I was too burnt out to be a stellar employee. If I had gone straight from high school to the working world, I'd be in a much better position today. Very little of what I learned in college is used on a daily basis in my job. What a waste!
Its not just at the executive level. I am currently a sales representative--the absolute bottom of the "food chain" at a fortune 500 company and was "sold" the job with the lure of flexibly and "work-life balance". The truth is that there are sales quotas, customer contact quotas, manager meeting demands and out of state travel. After a long day in the field, hours are spent with sales reports, emails, memos, etc. It is impossible to meet the demands of the job and maintain a satisfactory home life. Most of the mothers I know in this field cope through anti-depressants and hired help at home. I too had a situation with a family member that required that I miss time at work. It cost me a portion of my merit increase because, after all, high performance requires contact with customers. It sounds like you are more compassionate toward those of us at the bottom and I wish you much continued success.
13 years ago I left a six figure corporate job to raise my two kids, now 20 and 16. I never looked back. I have been a strong community volunteer in several organizations, and my flexibility allowed my spouse to take a buyout and start a new business. All of this was by choice. My sister went the other route, and now is out of the country 2 weeks per month. We are both happy. We are the center of our extended family, and communicate more than ever through technology. Neither of us thinks you can do it all and do it well.
I am a woman and I personally don't agree that you can have a family and hold an executive possition and do a good job at both !
This was one of my issues with Sarah Palin as a VP whose also a mother of 5 with a baby that has special needs.
If your a woman and your job requires days or weeks away from home late hours at the office I honestly don't think you should have children .To me children are the ultimate job that requires your total commitment to be there for them to love and nurture them and guide them .I don't think if your children are with a nanny the majority of the time that you are putting them before your ambitions .
Some people will no doubt say well that is a double standard because men do it all the time ,,well I am not too happy with married men with children who they neglect for their career either ,,but having said that I think its worst for a mother because mothers have always been the nurturers and without nurturing a child will suffer.
I say have your career while your young and if you want children have them when your ready to put your career aside to devote your time to raising your children and giving them your full attention .
I basically agree with this, and I definitely think the same thing about men. Virtually all the high-powered men who were more committed to their jobs than their families don't have good relationships with their kids. Last year my husband took a step-down in his job position specifically to be able to spend more time with our two young kids. You cannot do both things full-time and still do a good job at both. Something HAS to give. There are only so many hours in each day, and only so many years that your kids are young when you can still be a good influence on them. Otherwise, I really sort of think: why go through the bother of having kids? You won't actually be raising them anyway -- the nanny or daycare worker will. All you'll be is a paycheck, and we all know you can't buy love.
In my experience, much of what holds women back from succeeding is other women. I worked in the corporate world for years in many capacities, and it wasn't the men that didn't want to give women a chance.... it was the women, their gossip, resentment, pettiness and destructive coos that kept able women from getting to the top.
God forbid you're smart, thin AND attractive. It's difficult to get past the cat den in any company with those qualities.
Now I live in the south, and it is 10 times worse than it was in the NYC area. Women down here compete for men like that's the only thing in the world worth fighting for, and if you're sharp... they're not going to hire you because you may undermine THEIR skills.
Sad but true.
Sad but true. As the only woman on the tech side of the co. I found it to be a big mistake to try to befriend or trust the administrative women. It is best to just kiss their asses and smile and get back to my side of the building ASAP.
It did help to conceal my attractiveness wearing a simple braid, no make-up and basic stained rags to work.
If you're going to be a successful executive and have a family, you need a spouse who's willing to shoulder the responsibility of home and children. It doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman.
My brother-in-law, a strapping electrician, took considerable time off from work to raise his kids while his executive wife climbed the corporate ladder. It worked out very well for all of them.
Every day, I see more men pushing children in supermarket carts at eleven a.m. God bless them and more power to them.
I agree. People here saying that a woman shouldn't have children if they plan to pursue their careers is in fact a double standard. Not all successful men have effed up relationships with their children, just as Ms. Herscher probably has a pretty good relationship with her kids. There is nothing wrong with a man either staying home or taking on more of the domestic responsibilities. It's the 20th century people. It's about time we let go of the idea that only women are nurturers and look toward exemplary men who are supportive of their partner's endeavors. After all, a relationship is about compromises from BOTH people involved.
balance is a myth for anyone anymore in this country -- man or woman, executive or not
Even at the bottom it has become impossible to raise a child in this family un-friendly corporate culture. During the republican rule of congress, the industries writing the laws wrote a rule rolling back the 40 hour work week. With a simple job re-label, the co. can require any number of hours from you.
For example, The Dollar Store has a policy that if you are a "manager" commanding the decent wages of 1800.00 per month minus taxes and benefits, you have to work a minimum of 52 hour per week. How is a mom supposed to deal with that?
Otherwise, the Dollar Store only give part-time hours without benefits and minimum wages. Nice eh?
"particularly elusive for women wanting to be a senior exec" Are you kidding me? Try earning what the average american earns and raising a couple of kids! You can't afford to eat out. You certainly don't have a housekeeper/cleaning lady. In fact, in order to pay for groceries, you probably spend your evenings BEING a cleaning lady. And college??? Forget about it...
A nod to corporate spouses that happen to be male would be nice. Does your corporation consider resumes from men that have moved repeatedly with their spouse's career and raised our families? We are the ones who change jobs/careers every couple of years. If equality is a goal, you need to look at both sides of the equation.
Imagine moving from California to Sahara desert and complaining that it too dry.
Of cause it is too dry. I find corporate world to be very dry and boring. I do not understand why would any woman on earth want to work in corporate world. Why bother? There are better things to do. Or, any smart person, woman, this is why she is so smart, can invent something to do that is good for her. Why to adopt to the environment that is not comfortable when you always can change environment to fit your natural needs. Wanting to do man’s job is like shooting yourself in the foot. It might be fun to try, but to do, no!! Imagine taking pink rose in your hand and trying to hit the nail with it? It is probably won’t be n comfortable, and most likely it will not do the job. Balance is something that we already have – man does his job and woman does hers. Sharing responsibilities is balance. Wanting to be a man – is not balance. It is cute though.
I disagree with your POV.
By your post, your assumption is that executive jobs are men's jobs. I'm old enough to remember when there were "Help Wanted - Male" and "Help Wanted-Female" job classifications in the newspaper. Guess which jobs paid the most money?
Your post reflects old, misogynistic thinking.
I consider a man's job to be mining, rough necking, trawling fish and construction. A woman can do many of the tasks involved with these tough jobs but otherwise, a woman can do any other kind of work.
I do hope you chose to go to your son when he broke his arm. Indeed, that should have been a given regardless of your gender or your position.
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Yes I did. I linked to the story of what happened - at the time it happened (as these things always do) when it was really hard for me to leave the office. But I went and got him from school and spent the day with him getting his arm set.
The idea of having it all, just not all at once, is called "sequencing": I'm living proof that it's a lie! While I was home raising my 4 kids, running their scout troops, volunteering for the PTA, etc, I also ran a home day-care business out of my home, worked as a paid lunch mom at their school, and ran an Osco's liquor department, working about 24 hours per week. I took college classes to update my skills when they got into middle school and high school, and tried to re-enter the job world. Fat chance! I'm in my 5th year of subbing, despite being a certified English teacher, and having honors classes behind me, in teaching composition, and students who love me starting a Facebook fan club for me. I'm also working a part-time job at a retail store, earning the same money that high school kids working with me are making. And I've applied for a third job, since we have 2 in college already, and 2 in high school behind them. Every year I'm told "We don't need any new English teachers next year", and every fall I sub for the "newbies" they hired over the summer. I have a background in teaching, sales (I spent 8 years as a sales executive), and retail. But now I tell the high school kids to ALL stay in college as long as possible, and I tell the GIRLS to NEVER stay home with their kids!
NYC is DYING for teachers of every kind.
I really hope you're just angry and don't really feel this way. Ask yourself, are you kids doing well, are they happy? If so, then you have succeeded. Those frustrations you feel about your career? Those happen to people who don't have kids as well. While you sub, try to have an impact on the students you are subbing for, don't worry about having a 'title'.
If you had pursued your career to its fullest like you think you should have, perhaps your family life would have failed in some way. You have 2 in college? Then you did something right. If you had neglected them in favor of a career, you might have a more successful career but one of the kids might be on drugs and the other in prison. Have no regrets.
If she'd worked one of her kids might be in prison right now?!
I don't think anyone should cry over split milk and I'm sure fionagski has many wonderful memories from her time at all, but that comment was ridiculous.
Most mothers work and most kids don't end up in prison. You can be an excellent parent and work. And it isn't just a title difference between subbing and teaching- its pay scale, benefits and the ability to plan a year's worth of lessons.
Women who want to advance in academia have the same problems. The ones I know who have advanced to the top of their discipline either didn't have children or employed full-time nannies.
Seriously, where are the spouses in all this?
The model to live by is Michelle Obama. Professional woman extraordinaire placiing on hold her personal agenda in order to to properly care for her husband and children. Jackie O once said, motherhood is the most important job in the world. Remember: Those who rock the cradle rule the world.
So a man can't place on hold his personal agenda in order to properly care for his wife and children?
Parenthood is the most important job in the world, regardless of the sex of the parent.
Michelle can afford maids, tutors, lessons and care-takers. She also has a great partner who supports principled values for the girls.
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