Women Need to Support Women at Work
Gender stereotypes already make it hard enough for women in the workplace but in tough times how women treat other women matters even more.
Today women make up 50% of managers in companies, but only 15% of executive officers. It's still rare to find women in any executive positions except media, marketing and HR and it's almost unheard of in technology. There was a period with no women CEOs in the top 150 technology companies before Carol Bartz took over Yahoo - and this for an industry that sells to as many women as men now.
Women in senior management are rare at most companies. Their behavior as leaders is scrutinized and it often feels like a no win - we are either too aggressive (feedback I've had) or too timid - held to standards most men are simply not held to. I know that's not going to change any time soon so as leaders we have suck it up, be ourselves, lead and find and empower other leaders in the organization.
But how women behave towards each other often reflects whether they think other women around them help or hurt their chances for advancement. the New York Times recently wrote about women bullying other women at work - reporting that 40% of bullies in the workplace are women -- with all the examples being women bullying other women.
This behavior does not make sense. What other minority would do that to each other? The question is -- do you believe being in the minority as a woman is an advantage or a disadvantage?
I've seen the best, and the worst, watching women in engineering companies where they are very much in the minority:
- Women who think that more women in the workplace would be a good thing tend to support other women. They'll actively coach, form support and mentoring groups and recommend other women for projects and advancement. This happens when they themselves are not threatened by female competition.
- Women who like being special in a group, being the exception, will consciously, or unconsciously sabotage other women because they don't want to share attention. They like being different and see other women as competition -- professionally or socially.
If you are experiencing sabotage or bullying from other women you can change the culture of the group you are in. One way to do this is to get the women in your organization together to acknowledge that you are a group, you are within the same culture, dealing with same stereotype and subtle discrimination issues. You can bring in a speaker to name the elephant in the room and catalyze the discussion -- bring in a dynamic speaker from the outside or a senior woman from your organization. Talk about how much effective the workplace is, and everyone's opportunity is, if you help each other develop your careers. Getting the discussion out in the open will raise awareness and a sense of responsibility in most people to help each other -- I've seen it work.
Women are also rare in the corporate board room -- less than 16% of Fortune 500 board members are women. I sit on two public boards and yes, I am the only woman on the board in both cases. When it comes to the substance of the job this is irrelevant -- but when I was invited to a working group of women who sit on public boards I was delighted to meet 25 other women who, like me, are in the minority. We discuss substantive issues about being on public company boards and the changing corporate governance challenges; we don't talk about being women, but even so it is encouraging to look across the room and see so many smart, powerful women navigating the same choppy waters.
Clearly I am not advocating unfairly advancing someone based on gender -- promotions need to be earned on merit no matter what. But I am advocating paying attention to how you can help other women in your organization thrive -- and putting a stop to sabotage.
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no one supports anyone in the workplace. gender has nothing to do with it. competition in the workplace only means that gender can be another weapon or a defense. and unless you're a man, it is rarely a successfully used tool.
Excellent post.
I lead a Team of 10 women all gay and after I trained these women we worked like a well oil machine.
Never a cross word and NO Office Politics. We each knew our job and the job of our fellow Team Member if we finished our jobs early we just stepped right in an picked up the other slack.
They broke us up after the company was sold and we all quit. 30 years later and I have never been able to find a or build a Team as good as those Ladies. I still feel pride when I think of them all these years later.
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There's a lot of truth to this observation, but I read something that rang equally true the other day. When there are as many third rate women in positions of authority as there are men, then we will have real equality. Amen to that.
I'm a woman whose spent some 40 years in the working world, in lower, to mid-level positions and can speak from long, painful experience
At the least, this is an uncomfortable position to take, but so be it...it's my truth and the New York Times finally revealed this long suffered in silence reality of the workplace.
Sure men can be difficult, distasteful co-workers; no doubt about that. But their ugly qualities are usually of the bare-knuckle, in-your-face-brand. Testosterone lets you know where it stands, estrogen seems to favor, (among a treasure trove of others), the behind the scenes gossip baiting maneuver.
Early on I naively bonded with other women at work in the belief that our feminine solidarity was more "genuine" and trustworthy than that of men; therefore our strength as co-workers would make for a more efficient, agreeable work environment. What happened? I found the women more deceitful, back-biting, and callous than any man I had to work with.
There are soooo many real life stories I witnessed which I could detail here of cruel sabotage, lives ruined (I'm not exaggerating) it's ugly, ugly, ugly.
WHY this is so, I don't know. It is what it is. To those of my own sex I say keep your home-made poison cookies away from me!
1) If a woman is bullied in the office, and
2) 50% of the people in the office are women,
3) there is close to a 50% chance that the woman is bullied by a woman?
Thus, we would EXPECT to see roughly half of the office bullying stories related by women to be about women bullies. The author cites no evidence the rate of woman-on-woman bullying is greater than the norm. Nor does she cite any evidence that the issue of women being under-represented in upper management is related to bullying since men experience bullying too. An individual story does not prove a general reality. Thus the author has no evidence that this is a gendered problem. Her gendered solution is therefore inappropriate and even chauvinistic.
The problem appears to be office bullying. Women are victims. Men are victims. Let's try to solve that problem.
The author either needs to establish a causal link between woman-on-woman bullying and the advancement of women relative to men or should look elsewhere to figure out why women are under-represented in upper management.
This is an important issue, to encourage women in the workplace to be more supportive of other women. California NOW is doing a series on feminist motherhood, and just finished a piece on instituting family-friendly policies: http://www
Although the help mothers (and fathers) most, they would also positively impact child-free workers.
"Women who like being special in a group, being the exception, will consciously, or unconsciously sabotage other women because they don't want to share attention. They like being different and see other women as competition -- professionally or socially."
Ew. I'm not sure about this as a broad rule. I've seen women and men who are outstanding, distinctive and different from the rest get really piled on at work. So...just because someone appears uniquely gifted at work it doesn't mean he/she got that way because of some unconscious effort to sabotage others. Some resentful people console themselves with this theory.
You cannot actually care about anybody but yourself if you expect to occupy the highest positions of corporate America. This applies to men and women. Do you want money and prestige badly enough to renounce your humanity? To sell your soul? Because that is the price that men pay.
That's so not true.
I like how all women stood up for Monica Lewinsky while she was approached at work. Congratulations, NOW!
People need to support people at work, regardless of gender. Does this happen much in many business sectors? Not in my experience. So many offices are riddled with paranoia, pettiness, egos, back-biting and bringing their unresolved issues into most transactions. I would say 30-40% of the people in a typical business do not fit this profile. And the rest, well, you just need to learn their particular sensitivities and deal as best you can. I try not to dwell in this pessimistic assessment though, and celebrate that 30-40% I encounter most days.
See Abby L. Ferber's Profile
We also need to ask why it is that the New York Timnes focused only on examples of women bullying other women. If we look at the research the article addresses, focusing on women as the problem only obscures the real issues going on. I have just examined these questions in my own blog. I encourage readers to take a look at the research and then comment on my blog.
Well, the NYT article was about bullying, and so it addressed that subject. Also, I disagree with you that "focusing on women as the problem only obscures the real issues going on." The subject of women bullies at the office needs a light shined on it. Because, truly, usually when you compete with a man the guy just wants the win or the title or whatever. Some of these women bullies not only want the prize, they also seek to destroy another's reputation, health and sometimes their very sanity.
Again, there are a lot of good women in corporate america. But I believe there are more bullies who behave like overgrown gimme gimme gimme six-year olds in spikes.
Instead of looking at research, go to work for one these bullies, have your inards torn out and THEN blog about it. You need experience to know what you are talking about.
I work in a predominantly male-dominated industry (manufacturing). As it would happen, I work at a plant with a female plant manager. I was looking for a mentor and as a female who made it she was someone that I aspired to be. Indeed, she appeared to help me. However, I soon learned that when I actually applied for a position that would put me on the path to an upper level position, I would be blocked. I have the experience, the education and drive necessay to meet the needs of the company. Indeed, I have been told by some men that answer to her that I could be their boss. Unfortunately, that got back to her. The position that I was I was in that would put me on the path to leadership was ended abruptly without explanation. I was put in a position that would make me less visible to other corporate leaders whereas before I had been introduced to them. A female department head that reports to the plant manager says that she felt threatened by me and was jealous. She didn't want you to take her place. So, she blocked you before you could get started good. The only advice that I got was that I might need to pursue my ambitious corporate dreams at another company. What do you do when you are stuck between a rock and an immovable force? Go around it. I did and now the plant manager is "retiring.
There are more than 50% women in my (high tech) work group. They are absolutely no better than men in their attitude and behavior. I do not see the need for any special treatment for them anymore!
The dynamics are different when women are in the majority versus slight minority versus very small minority or token status. Also, you are referring to your work group, not the leadership hierarchy. And of course, it's great that your workplace is evolving past the old ways, but the rest of the world is slow to catch up.
I was commenting about this to one of my co-workers yesterday after noticing how the women at my office treat each other versus the men especially their male bosses.
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