Here goes nothing. I am going to step on the hornet's nest and talk about religion. Call it an epiphany. Or call it online suicide. But this week, I've really been thinking about things. So I grabbed my computer and I wrote my very first letter... to God.
Dear God,
I'll say it to you straight: I'm not sure I believe in you. There, I said it. Well, you probably knew that already if you're up there. I've had questions my entire life, questions which have yet to be answered, questions which may never be answered. While many say you need to have "faith," faith doesn't come easy for me, never has I suppose.
When I see atrocities in the world, or families suffering, or incredible injustice, or Justin Bieber's behavior, I'm convinced we must be all alone out here. When I see my kids' shining faces, or my wife's smile, or an incredible sunset, or Oreo cookies, I'm convinced we're not. If there were a relationship status with God on Facebook, I'd need to check "it's complicated." It is. I am Jewish. My wife is Catholic. We had a priest and a rabbi at our wedding. And between the two of us, it's never been an issue. Maybe for other folks -- I can tell when they're judging -- but not for us. We've been clear throughout our relationship that we'd let the kids choose to believe what they wish... if they wish to... and when they wish to.
For my 8-year-old, that time is now. My daughter is getting a little older now, you probably know that already. She is thinking for herself, making her own opinions, learning just WHO she is and who she aspires to be. And I can tell you, she is putting her own faith in you. Yes, the daughter of a guy who's lived his whole life not sure if he believes in God, believes in God herself, wants to learn about God, wants to trust in God. She asked about attending Sunday school several months ago, so we enrolled her. Today she did her reconciliation, the first time she sat down face to face with a priest to confess what might be on her mind. Her confirmation won't be too far along now either. She may still study the torah and be a bat mitzvah. I don't know. But I do know this: It is getting clearer to me every day that God has a presence in her life.
I was proud when she walked to the front of the church and sat down for her confession and I could tell SHE was proud too. This is what she chooses to believe. No pressure from us. And it doesn't scare me. It doesn't make me uncomfortable either. Catholic or Jewish or Buddhist or whatever, it actually gives me a satisfaction and a warmth to know she has found comfort where I never really have. It is reassuring to me that she can put trust and faith in something which might help guide her through her entire life. Her story is still being written, and if one day it's set to be bound in the good book, well that can't be such a bad thing. As for me, the verdict is still out. But I'm keeping my eyes wide open. Maybe that's YOUR doing. Maybe she's MY teacher in all this.
Only God knows.
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