Hey, I'm not sure if you're busy or whatever, but I've really gotta talk to you, as in right now, this very moment -- otherwise what I'm gonna try to say will slip away. I had this weird; I don't know what to call it, this kind of memory-flash, this little mind-squawk where for a second I just started remembering all sorts of stuff.
First thing was... and understand, everything's really gonna sound random at this point. But there were just these little flashes of things starting to seep into my consciousness; all of them were disconnected to any kind of meaning. I guess that's why I need to talk to you, to have you help me piece some of this together.
Okay, first I had this flash that I really liked lemon. A flash that "lemon" was one of my favorite things. So, I already know what you're thinking: "What's lemon?" I get that. Ah crap, the thought, it's just fading away... I'll try my best to explain... I was just sitting here meditating, concentrating as hard as I could on this thing -- lemon -- and it came to me. (Try to really go with me here because I want to know if you have any recollection of any of this yourself.) Lemon was yellow, which of course doesn't tell you much because what's "yellow" right?
Think about it, yellow is tied very closely to this thing we used to do, this thing we used to have. It was where we'd have the ability to put a thing outside of ourselves -- into ourselves. Wait... you do even remember that we were not like we are now, not totally unified with everything else? Good you remember that.
Well, we were under this illusion at any rate, that we were separate beings, and this thing, this ability, wait... it was called cite, or scint, or ceent. Whatever, I can't remember the word but it meant that we could take another so-called separate thing, look at it with these two things we had in our head, on our face (they were just holes really) -- practically everyone remembers those, please tell me you do -- thank God you do.
Well, by using them we could sort of, put that so-called separate other-thing into our own minds. It's like by ceeting (or whatever we called it) a thing, we could engulf it, put it within us. Yellow, was something that was very closely related to this act of ceeting. All I can remember is a feeling about yellow, a very vague sense of recalling something, but I remember liking it a lot, I felt love for this yellow-ness. And what I know now, what I'm sure of, is that a lemon, which is also something I loved, was yellow. I loved yellow. I loved a lemon. I remember that now. I loved lemon!
Ok, I know, why should you give a shit about any of this? Here's the point. The thing that surfaced from this little flash of mine, the crucial thing, the thing that I wished I knew before my 'big-transition' when I changed from a so-called separate thing into this unified thing, the things that we are now, was that we were in fact, always unified, even back then.
If there were some way to, I don't know, to sing or shout across the void between what we've become and what we used to be, I'd tell everyone over there to be less afraid, to be less angry, to be less possessive. That it's all going work out just fine.
I'm desperate to tell them that their sense of themselves as being these totally separate beings that feel they need to receive and to defend, rather than to give and to nurture, is just so obviously mistaken. I wish I could somehow go back behind the divider and turn on the lights for people. All we've got is light now, you and I, and everyone over here. We had it then too, but we were too afraid to accept it, too afraid that trusting it would lead to our downfall.
But how do you explain this stuff to beings that can't see themselves as tied to one another, tied to the whole of the material world, (the world of lemons) to the whole of the spiritual world, (the world we live in) and alive within the Great Force that wills all of it into being?
I swear I wish I had better words, some better language. I wish I had a melody, or a dance that would cross over the divide and pierce their illusions.
Look... I'm sorry to bug you. I just had to get this off my chest. But then you already knew this didn't you?