I'm not done with Klavan.
He called me and people like me "lowdown, yellow-bellied, lily-livered intellectual coward(s)" because we don't make a habit of tuning into a bald, fat, loudmouth who makes millions appealing to hatred and ignorance. Real tough guy.
Personally, I don't waste my time listening to fat, loudmouthed drug-addicts. I write books and articles and do a lot of thinking for the very people who are apparently too mesmerized with bullshit to think for themselves.
Unfortunately, I write the books that Palin's and Limbaugh's fans actually need to read, but they don't because the wingers have convinced "real Americans" that the left is full of elitist snobs.
There's an element of truth to that, a potentially fatal shortcoming of the left that wingers will certainly exploit, perhaps all the way to a Palin- occupied White House. Scary shit, which is why the left needs to get its act together now, before it's too late.
Too late for what? In the post -W. era, Republicans will inch ever closer to the party of American fascism, and that frightening prospect is all the more probable with Palin's pretty face as an appealing front.
Obama's a smart guy, but that's part of the problem. Working-class folks in this country don't trust smart guys and gals, particularly ones from Ivy League colleges, no matter their race or color.
It's a class thing. Somehow, Republicans have figured out how to convince working-class people that their Ivy Leaguers don't stink as much as Democratic Ivy Leaguers. Republican smart guys have perfected those down-home southern drawls, and they've got the holier-than-thou religious thing down cold.
Palin's not an Ivy Leaguer -- far from it. She can't speak in complete sentences, or utter a clear thought. So, she doesn't have to dumb herself down. She's the real deal -- a little bit country, pretty as a picture, and not too smart. A gen-u-ine be-speckled clothes-horse rogue.
The dangerously weird thing is in this worm hole of American politics, the more confused Sarah is, the more her fans love her for being the anti-elitist babe that she is, blaming all her missteps on the mean old media when journalists simply quote her verbatim.
For the left, it's time to take the gloves off. It's time to quit fretting about which Ivy League college the kids should apply to for Early Decision, and take the country's future to the streets. Remember how that works?
I'll do my part. I could keep writing and thinking, but it's increasingly clear that clarity of thought and well reasoned arguments are a f------ waste of time in postmodern America, where idiocracy is the new badge of honor.
Instead, I'll put my own slant on Klavan's challenge. I'll challenge Limbaugh to a battle, man against man. No guns, no weapons of mass destruction, no robotic drones, none of the crap the wimpy egg-headed, blow-hard right wingers hide behind when puffing out their fat beer-gutted bellies and oinking their slobbering piggish drivel.
If he's afraid to battle me, then we can simply play a game. I understand the dude likes to golf. I'm also a golfer. A very serious golfer. I challenge him and his Cuban cigar to an 18-hole match-play event. I walk when I play golf. Walking is part of the game. Golfers who ride those Disneyland rides called golf carts are lazy cheaters. Let's see, does anybody really think Rush Limbaugh is fit enough to walk his golf courses? No freaking way.
Our game will be straight up, no strokes, man to man. That is, no handicaps allowed. As a conservative who hates welfare, food stamps, a public health-care plan, and other social programs for the poor, aged, sick and weak, I have no doubt Rush would agree with me that taking or giving strokes is golf's version of a government hand-out, a communist plot.
Bring your A-game, dude. I'm quite sure you swing a golf club like you swing your political mouth: Way over the top, producing thinly hit shots that spin way right.
Golf not your deal? Then let's play some football. You must love watching football, right? It's the All American spectacle for countless uncoordinated guys trying to prove their manhood.
Sorry, Rush. We're not going to watch. Unlike Chauncey Gardner, I don't like to watch. We'll throw the football and we'll see who can throw it like a real man. (By the way, I'm a former high school quarterback.)
I have no doubt that you throw like a girl.